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TOPIC: First Time Poster 1908 Views

Re: First Time Poster 19 Jan 2016 15:39 #274875

Workingguy
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Posts: 1150
Karma: 139

lastchance1948 wrote:

Of course you're right so here goes.

I've been masturbating since puberty and hooked on porn since my teens. Now I'm 67 years old. My particular field of "interest" is women's bodies (not interested in looking at sex acts) of all shapes and sizes. I've never been with a prostitute and never cheated on my wife. All my viewing took place on the internet. My addiction was partly to blame for the end of my first marriage which only lasted five years. I've been married to my current wife for 21 years. During that time my addiction became known to her and I went into recovery for a while. When I slipped back, about two years ago, I kept it a secret from her and that secret has recently come to light. She is very hurt and has lost all faith in me. I've promised to get "sober", but she doesn't believe me and I understand why. I joined GYE to give me the daily support I need. I know I can't do this by myself. I will also start to attend in person SA meetings this week. I'm committed to making this work and the thought of losing my wife is devastating to me.

As for my faith, it's been severely challenged over the years. I'm not sure what my "higher power" is anymore and that is something else I need to work on to succeed. Thanks for caring.

I'm so sorry for your situation, and Kol hakavod for your honesty. It sounds like the steps you're taking are focused and responsible. Don't worry about the higher power; the big book addresses even agnostics and how to connect to a higher power.

A suggestion I would make, if it's possible for you, is to look for an addictions therapist that deals with couples that can help you deal with repairing the breach of trust that your wife feels. I have no idea where you live, but there iis a great guy in the five towns by the name of Binyamin Tepfer who works on the couple and has a holistic approach to deal with the couple as a whole. Maybe wait a little till your wife sees your serious, or maybe give the therapist a call and talk to him and get advice on how to proceed.

Professional help may not solve your problems or addictions, but they may make the process a bit easier.

Re: First Time Poster 19 Jan 2016 16:40 #274877

gibbor120 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder NEVER EVER GIVE UP! Posts: 5251 Karma: 166	One thing I had to commit to when my wife found out was to be totally honest. From my experience, and what I have seen others write, the hiding, lying, and faking is what bothers our wives even more than the acting out (it took me time to realize that). Losing trust was a huge blow for me. I cannot afford to lose her trust again. Please keep us posted.
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Re: First Time Poster 19 Jan 2016 17:36 #274881

lastchance1948 Current streak: 123 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 8 Karma: 0	Yes, I know this to be true. The hardest thing, next to keeping my sobriety, is going to be winning her trust back. Thanks you all for your support. It means a great deal to me.

Re: First Time Poster 19 Jan 2016 17:46 #274882

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8292 Karma: 427	lastchance1948 wrote: Yes, I know this to be true. The hardest thing, next to keeping my sobriety, is going to be winning her trust back. Thanks you all for your support. It means a great deal to me. Were in this together!!
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Re: First Time Poster 19 Jan 2016 18:46 #274883

lomed
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Posts: 307
Karma: 47

Welcome Last Chance,

Thanks for sharing. Your share scared the guts out of me. I feel your pain and can relate tot the fact of working to gain her trust. For me the fact that she found out about my struggles is a big help. However there is a nice chunk of pain involved from both side. Sometimes it is hard to watch how much pain my wife has from all this. I think to myself what can I do to relieve her from the pain? From the other side there is resentment from her side that she is trying so hard that I should not feel it. In short I relate to you and hope you will recover from this fall back and become even a better person.

lots of Hatzlacha

I currently attend live SA meetings. Feel free to reach out to me.

Re: First Time Poster 19 Jan 2016 19:01 #274884

cordnoy
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Posts: 12082
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Workingguy wrote:

lastchance1948 wrote:

Binyomin,

Please publish your haskamos.

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: First Time Poster 19 Jan 2016 21:07 #274903

Workingguy
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Platinum Boarder
Posts: 1150
Karma: 139

cordnoy wrote:

Workingguy wrote:

lastchance1948 wrote:

Binyomin,

Please publish your haskamos.

I can't say I get it, but if you're trying to say I'm Binyamin, I'm not- I'm his brother! Just kidding; my experience with him is that he was recommended to me by a therapist (not Dr. Sorotzkin, who is my therapist) and I didn't go to him bc my wife wasn't comfortable going to him bc I think he is my age or a little younger.

But I did have a chance to have a conversation with him about it and spoke to him about what he's doing besides having heard the recommendation.

But if hat is what you were trying to say- that I'm him giving himself haskamos- I don't think it's the place to make jokes about it. It was a serious recommendation and I honk he can be seriously helpful, and I don't think a joke that might lessen the person taking it seriously as an option is appropriate.

If that's not what you meant and I misunderstood, I apologize in advance and would love to understand what you did mean.

Re: First Time Poster 19 Jan 2016 21:13 #274908

shlomo24 Current streak: 2 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 135	lastchance1948 wrote: I am very committed. If I fail my life will be shattered. That is good but remember it won't keep you sober. If you fully feel you're an addict that is.
	If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: First Time Poster 26 Jan 2016 12:43 #275477

lastchance1948 Current streak: 123 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 8 Karma: 0	I have 12 days of being clean and I wish I could say it's getting easier, but it's a daily struggle. I've set some new routines that include daily readings of GYE. I'm having trouble finding an SA meeting in Manhattan and maybe some of you can help me with that. I'm retired so I can attend meetings during the day. My resolve remains steadfast.

Re: First Time Poster 26 Jan 2016 13:00 #275482

shlomo24 Current streak: 2 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 135	go to www.sa.org
	If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. Email: iam24zman@gmail.com