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My Teshuvah - I am ready

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My Teshuvah - I am ready 05 Nov 2015 06:36 #267858

RebbiAkiva1
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I feel dizzy. The emotional stress of writing about my secret porn addiction is making me feel dizzy. I know this is one of those things that is reaching deep into my subconscious, but through 5 years of hard work in therapy I can be honest with myself and start writing and joining the GYE groups.

I would like to know where I can start writing a journal to share with the community. Can someone help me with that please?

I want to be like Rebbi Akiva who was Echad in all the areas of his life. He was never someone else when he was in different places or before different people, he was always Echad.

I want to break free.

With HaShem's help, I have become aware that there is very strong connection for me between the abuse I suffered as a child, feeling angry, years of loneliness, a desire for lust and ultimately finding comfort and release from stress in porn.

Re: My Teshuvah - I am ready 05 Nov 2015 08:32 #267862

colincolin Current streak: 757 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 528 Karma: 8	Good luck, and well done for joining, I am new here myself. I understand the loneliness and the false high of porn.

Re: My Teshuvah - I am ready 05 Nov 2015 12:24 #267872

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8259 Karma: 428	RebbiAkiva1 Welcome! Warning: Spoiler! Isn't that nice another Rabbi on the forum, phew now I'm not alone RebbiAkiva1 wrote: I would like to know where I can start writing a journal to share with the community. Can someone help me with that please? Akiva, this is the place - go for it fire away, and we hope to learn from you ALOT
	My Story---------Dov Quotes *FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING* *Click HERE to checkout;* • 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more... • Awesome Threads Saved for You • Cast Your Vote ➣ GYE Plenty Solutions ➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: My Teshuvah - I am ready 05 Nov 2015 18:15 #267897

lomed OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 307 Karma: 47	Welcome! you have come to the right place. we all come here anonymously, and try to somewhat open up and discuss our challenges get and give tips. I would suggest you read the handbook. It would be good if you can tell us more about yourself and your struggle. Hatzlacha
	I currently attend live SA meetings. Feel free to reach out to me.

Re: My Teshuvah - I am ready 05 Nov 2015 19:26 #267904

`Chaim
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Welcome! A journal is a great idea, and writing one for myself was a big stem to where i am today. Don't know where to put one but i'm sure you can just put it here. I would love to read it and see how I can relate to it (abuse, anger, loneliness, desire for lust. and "comfort" in porn all played a big role in why i am here) and how I can be inspired by R Akiva! Anyone who overcomes this and reaches his unique personal shlamus is considered Moshe Rabeinu or R Akiva in his own right.

Shmiras HaChaim:
Every day is a chance to change your life

Re: My Teshuvah - I am ready 05 Nov 2015 19:31 #267906

shlomo24 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 135	Welcome! there are many good, well meaning people on this forum that will feel your pain. i personally do. i have shared many an embarrassing thing on this forum and i never felt judged. hatzlacha raba.
	If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: My Teshuvah - I am ready 05 Nov 2015 19:35 #267911

Here 2 improve Current streak: 14 days OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 32 Karma: 1	Hi and welcome! Hatzlocha in your journey. How did you get to 226 days clean!! very impressive! Teach me!
	when the going gets tough the tough get going 'We were not put on this world to chill and relax or to laze around shtelling our hacks' The sole reason we were put onto this world is to overcome our negative traits - steipler Last Edit: 05 Nov 2015 19:35 by Here 2 improve.

Re: My Teshuvah - I am ready 05 Nov 2015 21:43 #267932

bigmoish
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Welcome!
RebbiAkiva1 wrote:

I want to be like Rebbi Akiva who was Echad in all the areas of his life. He was never someone else when he was in different places or before different people, he was always Echad.

Reb Zusha was laying on his deathbed surrounded by his disciples. He was crying and no one could comfort him. One student asked his Rebbe, "Why do you cry? You were almost as wise as Moses and as kind as Abraham." Reb Zusha answered, "When I pass from this world and appear before the Heavenly Tribunal, they won't ask me, 'Zusha, why weren't you as wise as Moses or as kind as Abraham,' rather, they will ask me, 'Zusha, why weren't you Zusha?'"

Check out the links in my signature if you want.

Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"We have met the enemy and he is us" - Pogo
"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Last Edit: 05 Nov 2015 21:45 by bigmoish.

Re: My Teshuvah - I am ready 06 Nov 2015 03:20 #267957

serenity
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"ONE DAY AT A TIME"
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Welcome and hatzlacha!

Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: My Teshuvah - I am ready 06 Nov 2015 04:45 #267964

yiraishamaim OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1031 Karma: 101	Welcome!

Re: My Teshuvah - I am ready 06 Nov 2015 19:01 #267999

gibbor120 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder NEVER EVER GIVE UP! Posts: 5251 Karma: 166	WELCOME! You have come to the right place. Start with the handbook. Share with the chevra. We know what you are going through.
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