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New member - Colin
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Welcome to our forum! Introduce yourself here (anonymously, of course) and get a warm welcome from the rest of the community!

TOPIC: New member - Colin 17396 Views

New member - Colin 04 Nov 2015 22:50 #267806

  • ColinColin
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Hi
Am here because I want to change and beat my Yetzer Horah.
Single man.
As for avoiding masturbation, nothing has worked for me longer than 10 weeks.

I started with teenage masturbation.
Pornographic magazines.
Then internet porn.
Prostitutes.
One night stands.
Swingers sites.

I want to be healthy and find a meaningful monogamous relationship and please G-D get married one day.

My trigger is very much a deep emotional loneliness, when I feel this, then nothing stands in the way of my Yetzer Harah.
I need closeness and need to avoid that inner pain.

So I seek respite from it in ways which are sinful.
Last Edit: 04 Nov 2015 22:51 by ColinColin.

Re: New member - Colin 04 Nov 2015 23:00 #267808

  • Markz
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Welcome Colin!
I want to share with you what Shlomo24 wrote yesterday, perhaps he may have more to say on the matter
Shlomo24 wrote:
my sponsor always tells me of something called HALT. hungry angry lonely tired. when i have one of these lust hits much much more and my charachter defects are much more present. when i am sick it's like HALT on steroids. part of my program is taking care of myself so i don't reach halt too often. often early recognition of HALT is necessary also so i don't do something that i wouldn't want to.

There's no question that you can make friends with many guys on the forum here that have the same background as you, they're happy to share phone#'s etc, which will get you out of loneliness and out of lustaholicsm

All the best!!!
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Re: New member - Colin 05 Nov 2015 00:43 #267822

  • ColinColin
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Thanks Markz.

I notice that yourself and some other people here have a line on their avatar which says "Current Streak - X Days" etc.

How do I sign up for that so I can keep count of my proposed abstinence?
Last Edit: 05 Nov 2015 00:43 by ColinColin.

Re: New member - Colin 05 Nov 2015 00:44 #267823

  • Shlomo24
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ColinColin wrote:
Hi
Am here because I want to change and beat my Yetzer Horah.
Single man.
As for avoiding masturbation, nothing has worked for me longer than 10 weeks.

I started with teenage masturbation.
Pornographic magazines.
Then internet porn.
Prostitutes.
One night stands.
Swingers sites.

I want to be healthy and find a meaningful monogamous relationship and please G-D get married one day.

My trigger is very much a deep emotional loneliness, when I feel this, then nothing stands in the way of my Yetzer Harah.
I need closeness and need to avoid that inner pain.

So I seek respite from it in ways which are sinful.

WELCOME! Thanks for sharing. wow! i bolded some of ur quote. it seems that things progressed very much from what it used to be. i relate to that. what do you make of it?
What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

My thread: Big Steps

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: New member - Colin 05 Nov 2015 00:56 #267830

  • ColinColin
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Shlomo24

Things progressed because I found that I would get a thrill from masturbation.
But then after a while, masturbation was not enough, so the visual stimulus of a porn magazine brought the thrill.
Then in turn, that was not enough.
So I keep doing more extreme behaviour to get the thrill.

I am now at the stage where even a one night stand does not provide a thrill.
It is as if I do it out of habit, I feel virtually nothing, I am just numb whilst it happens.

What I do know, is that what compels me to do it, is a deep unhappy and lonely feeling.
That feeling I feel very strongly inside me.

In my case I was not religious as a child, and though more religious these days am not religious enough to call myself a Baal Teshuvah.
So things like seeing a woman in scantily clad clothing are only a minor trigger, I can be almost immune to it.

The inner emotional problem I have is the real catalyst for my behaviour.

I have been single most of my life, and rejected by women time and time again.

This is a big part of my problem, it makes me feel low and means that far to often I am not functioning 100%, instead I am distracted and waste day after day.

If I felt better about myself, I could achieve a lot in life.

I tell you what made me join.

Last night I fell.

I could have slept, been refreshed, and got a lot more out of the day, and done more Mitzvot.

Instead I stayed up late, sinned, and slept badly.

So I was tired, and got little out of the day, and was not able to help other people.

My selfishness destroyed my day....I lost the ability to do Miztvot.

I feel regret and want to avoid that happening again.

I hurt myself, and other people i.e. sick people whom I could have visited to cheer them up.
Instead I was too tired to visit.
Last Edit: 05 Nov 2015 08:30 by ColinColin.

Re: New member - Colin 05 Nov 2015 00:58 #267832

  • cordnoy
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Welcome chap,

Look in the tools section for the 90 day challenge.

B'hatzlachah mate.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 05 Nov 2015 00:58 by cordnoy.

Re: New member - Colin 05 Nov 2015 03:41 #267843

  • Shlomo24
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This is a one day at a time program. tomorrow can be different. you are in a good place b"h. keep it up
What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

My thread: Big Steps

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: New member - Colin 05 Nov 2015 03:47 #267846

  • Gettingcloser
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ColinColin wrote:
Hi
Am here because I want to change and beat my Yetzer Horah.
Single man.
As for avoiding masturbation, nothing has worked for me longer than 10 weeks.

I started with teenage masturbation.
Pornographic magazines.
Then internet porn.
Prostitutes.
One night stands.
Swingers sites.

I want to be healthy and find a meaningful monogamous relationship and please G-D get married one day.

My trigger is very much a deep emotional loneliness, when I feel this, then nothing stands in the way of my Yetzer Harah.
I need closeness and need to avoid that inner pain.

So I seek respite from it in ways which are sinful.

Hi colin welcome.
Don't feel lonely here, we are all here to fight together our enemy the Yetzer Hora, you'll find lots of people that share the same or similar challenges like you
Very interesting thing is going on here, the married people complain about their wives and the single people complain about loneliness, no ones life is not easy..
My Email address shulemc@gmail.com

Re: New member - Colin 05 Nov 2015 05:02 #267852

  • serenity
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Hi and welcome to GYE!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: New member - Colin 05 Nov 2015 05:11 #267853

  • yiraishamaim
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Hi Colin

Welcome

Re: New member - Colin 05 Nov 2015 08:29 #267861

  • ColinColin
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Thanks anashim, good to know I have good wishes.

Re: New member - Colin 05 Nov 2015 19:17 #267903

  • `Chaim
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Hey Colin, you joined a forum with people that can relate to you in many different ways, which should be a catalyst for your recovery. I Wrote down all the emotions I felt when I felt the urge to act out and one of them was loneliness. Loneliness is a bottomless void that begs us to fill it up with which ever way you can, often through means that are the most accessible and the quickest. What I had to learn was how to give up these quick fixes and shoot for the real stuff: Healthy relationships that don't destroy me but build me. I don't know if you are on the quieter side or the more social side , but it DOESN'T MATTER. I have quit a number of friends and I'm pretty social but still suffer from loneliness. It is much deeper than how popular you are among friends or how much woman like you. Loneliness can be associated with many things such as family dynamics, social isolation, etc. but it is also associated with character traits. I spent a lot of time contemplating why I feel lonely and I came to understand how I must overhaul my life in many ways. I also realized a good attitude will win over any exterior situation I'm in. Loneliness stems from many factors (like the ones I mentioned plus many more like depression) and I advise you to go to a therapist like I did to sort it all out.
I did it all as well: masturbation, illicit magazines/ videos, prostitutes, and I'm still fighting any urge to go back to those means of connection. I learn about how I can get a real connection to myself and to people around me. I truly believe anyone can.

You sound like you really care about yourself and others around you (I'm fully observant and I don't feel that guilt of not helping others like you do. Your truly amazing!) I would love to hear more about you and I'm sure our lives are similar in many ways, keep posting about yourself or message me privately. Good luck on your journey!
Shmiras HaChaim:
Every day is a chance to change your life

Re: New member - Colin 05 Nov 2015 19:30 #267905

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Good luck in your journey my fellow jew.

Although I personally have not slipped so far but I can fully understand that you feel it will be extremely difficult to get out of your predicament. But let me tell you, you have come to the right place-there is tools for every level.

The best move of my life was coming to this site, may it be yours.

Believe.
Impossible is nothing.
stay strong.

keep us posted colin.
when the going gets tough the tough get going

'We were not put on this world to chill and relax
or to laze around shtelling our hacks'

The sole reason we were put onto this world is to overcome our negative traits - steipler

Re: New member - Colin 05 Nov 2015 20:07 #267919

  • gibbor120
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WELCOME CC! One thing we learn here is that we cannot BEAT the Y"H. We must stay out of the ring with him. I'll let others more qualified explain the concept of "surrender".

One thing you very astutely caught on to is that your triggers are emotional in nature. It's not the images, but the deep lonliness you feel. Have you tried to get help for that?

Welcome. Read the handbook. I highly recommend reading some of the dov quotes (there is a link in my signature).

Stick around and keep posting. Many have been helped here. You can be too.

Re: New member - Colin 05 Nov 2015 21:55 #267934

  • ColinColin
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Thank you for all your wishes.

Gibbor - yes I have tried to get help for the loneliness.

I went to a counsellor.
They provided some good advice but they could not grasp this essential inner loneliness, or how to solve it.

I can only describe it as a feeling inside me of such desolation and unhappiness that it forces me to seek a "High" to escape it, which too often means me seeking a sexual thrill.

The lonely feeling is not always present, but gets triggered at times.

Certainly the Hungry Angry Lonely Tired scenario fits me.

It is a feeling of Loneliness, mixed with feeling like a failure mixed with feeling empty.

Not pleasant at all.
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