Hi My name is younger18, I have a problem with sex/masturbation. I do have a filter on my laptop. But I am in a co-ed HS, though I do see a lot of gay couples at my HS. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to block unholy thoughts when I see groping and kissing?

Welcome.

B'hatzlachah

Welcome!
As much as possible, try to turn away.
It's easier if you do it all the time, making it a habit not to intentionally take in the images of the objects of your desire, not just when they're groping and such.

Kudos for taking up the challenge!
Wishing you much success.

Fell free to tell a little more about your struggles.

Look away and try to ease your way out of thinking instead of desperately trying to think of something else or not to think of what you just saw. And try to avoid places you would see such things. Be brave and good luck.

Hi I'm a Bochur in yeshiva who's struggling with pornography. I wanted to find someone else who had struggles from around age 13 with actual porn and got over it. I'm hoping to become a believer in this program but I'm very worried that I've done real psychological harm to myself

younger18 wrote:


I'm sure Gd takes pride having someone like you with such challengin' situation, yet you trying to raise above it and joined us.

You deserve a round of applause from all of us!!!!

Boteach wrote:


Welcome Boteach!

I wouldn't be surprised if more than half the guys logged on this website started with porn around age 13. I also don't believe you are psychologically damaged because of it.

Perhaps you want to start your own thread for no additional fee.

Hi Alex, Thanks for that bit of advice. I have been trying to stop staring at these people. Part of me knows that HaShem never wanted perverse sexual acts, but the other part wants to experience them. So I am trying to concentrate on holy things.

Welcome! The best way to "beat" the YH is to stay out of the ring with him . I don't think you can "block" unholy thoughts "while" seeing unholy actions. As much as possible, avoid seeing them. You are definitely in a difficult situation. Keep posting here. You will get encouragement and advice.

Boteach, Almost all of us here have had issues since about age 13. Don't worry about psychological harm. Many here have done worse for longer and are in recovery now. Focus on what you can do NOW. DO NOT worry about the past. It will not help you. Read the handbook. Keep posting.

I want to echo Gibbor's thoughts. Consider them carefully, he is a wise man.

A lot of people will tell you to look away, cover your eyes, take off your glasses etc., but those things don't help with the underlying issues for many of us. As a first step maybe just accept that what other people do is really non of our business. (Obviously if we are spiritually fit ourselves and in a position to help others that's another story.)

gibbor120 wrote:


The YH is tricky, but I think know I can beat him, with help from HaShem.

In other words:

shmulyz18 wrote on 27 Jan 2016 23:58:
Let us know how it goes. I have a bad record. Maybe you can do better. I'm pretty sure Charlie Brown is going to kick that ball one day .

Seriously though. The seforim say that this yetzer hora is one we cannot take head on. The real nisayon is "staying out of the ring".

I would like to share something GYE wrote:

A LETTER FROM THE YETZER HARA

To my star pupil,

I am writing this letter to let you know what I think of you. Up here in heaven things are not like they are down on Earth. Over there, people only know what they can see. If they see a person is "successful", they think that he is the greatest guy. When they see somebody struggling, they think he might be one of the weaker elements.

Let me tell you something. Hashem gives every person certain abilities that nobody knows about down where you live. Some people are capable of tremendous things, while others were put there for much smaller purposes. Only Hashem in His infinite wisdom is able to give every person exactly what he needs, to reach his potential.

I am very misunderstood. Most people hate me, and I don't really blame them. Most people think that my job is to make sure that they fail in all aspects of Mitzvos, and that I rejoice every time they sin. This is the furthest thing from the truth. Did you ever watch a boxing coach train his student? It is really a funny sight. The coach will put on gloves, and fight against his student. At first, he won't hit him so hard, or throw his best punches. But, as the student gets better and better, the coach will start to fight him harder and harder. He does this so that the student will improve his skills, and become the best boxer he can be. This is where it gets strange. Every time the coach knocks down the student, the student gets yelled at!! But finally, when the coach threw everything he has at his student, and not only does he withstand the beating, but he knocks the coach down, there is nobody in the world happier then the coach himself!

This is exactly how I feel. If you fail right away, and don't even try to fight back, I see that there is not much talent to work with, and so I take it easy on you. But if you get back up swinging, I realize that I may have a real winner here, and so I start to intensify the beating. With every level that you go up, I increase the intensity of the fight. If you finally deal me a blow that knocks me out, I will get up and embrace you and rejoice with your success.

Sometimes my job is very disappointing I see a person with a lot of potential and I start right in on him. He fights back for a while, but when the fight gets too tough, he quits and just remains on whatever level he was on. (And he usually ends up going down!) I feel like yelling at him, "Get up you fool! Do you have any idea how much more you could be accomplishing?!" But I am not allowed to do so. I just leave him alone, and go try to find another promising candidate.

If I have chosen you to be the target of my more fierce battles, it was not for no reason! You have tremendous ability! You were born into a very special family, you have Rabbeim who really care about you, and parents who would help you grow in Torah and Mitzvos. You are a very respectful and kind person.

I am writing to you now, because I have a very serious request to ask of you. Please don't step fighting! Don't give up! I have been beating too many people lately, and I am losing patience, Believe in yourself, because I would not be involved with you as much as I am if I didn't think you could beat me. Know what your strengths are! A great Rabbi once said: "Woe is to he who doesn't know his weaknesses. But, 'Oy Vavoy' to him who doesn't know his strengths - for he will not have anything with which to fight."

Always remember one thing: you have a secret weapon at your disposal. I shouldn't really be telling you - but I will anyway. Hashem himself is watching our "training" sessions very closely. I'm pleased to inform you that He's rooting for you! If things should ever get tough, almost too tough to bear, just callout to Him with a prayer, and He will immediately come to your aid. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that after 120 years when your time is up in that world of falsehood, you will come up here to the world of truth, where I will be waiting for you with open arms, to congratulate you on your victory, and personally escort you to your place next to the Kisey HaKavod.

Sincerely, and with great admiration I remain,
Your Yetzer Hara

I was wonder if this true.