Hi, I'm Yerachmiel and recently signed up.
I have 2 questions, I would like some advice on.

1 - I already had a fall during and after Rosh Hashanah. Yom Kippur only atones for sins in the last year, what to do about sins in the days of repentance?

2 - My main problem is being out in the secular world where it seems to be cool for a lot of women to dress very immodestly. So I can be minding my own business when suddenly I have a very enticing view in front of my eyes. How can I deal with this? Unless I have my eyes closed all the time this is one aspect I can't control.

Thanks!!

Welcome on board Yerachmiel.
I'm also fairly new here. I love this website it's great!!

About your questions
1 - You ask 'what to do about sins in the days of repentance?'
I think I saw one of the GYE's say recently that Sins are G-d's problem, He'll figure how / when to atone - it's not mine or your responsibility.

2 - You say My main problem is being out in the secular world
I will give you my personal take on your problem, but I'd love to hear what the Pro's have to say tomorrow about your problem

I would cry my heart out to Hashem these days to guide me to a solution to limit the exposure to the secular world, perhaps finding a job elsewhere. Why?

I'll answer that with another question

If a s** 'addict' has to mingle with very immodestly women, is he at all to blame with resulting falls? I'd think not, as Dov and our Sages say 'mah yaaseh haben v'lo yecheteh' Or am I wrong, and there are actually ways could have controled himself (eg. with 12 steps which I have not begun)?

Anyone have an answer to this?

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME!

unfortunately i am not a rabbi nor do i claim to know the ins and outs of god's doings so i will not be able 2 answer your 1st question.

in terms of your second question, maybe try not to take the second look, change your environment if possible, look at the floor (it's not so hard, i do it pretty often), or even only look down if a trigger passes by.

HATZLACHA RABA!

Welcome !

The tools and suggested path for Newcomers can be found in the links below. Many of us have discovered the main problem is with us and not the women in the street or other external influences. Click on the links and follow the suggestions. Hatzlacha!

markz wrote:

Ain't no "pros" here; we're all just sharing our experience.
Maybe you will find the links in my signature helpful.
Welcome, and Hatzlocha.

Yerachmiel wrote:


Welcome

1. Repent for them.
2. By committin' to stop beforehand, and when it happens, you try your best and ask God for assistance.

cordnoy wrote:


I'm not interested in arguing with one of the best truckers around, for 2 reasons
1- I love the driver (I just raised his Karma! Kudos to him and his Coffee)
2- I may get flattened

Nevertheless I beg to differ. As I wrote last week on ShmaYisrael's string, when we are on the wrong highway, it's not the time to repent. Zero!
When someone is lost he needs to turn on his GPS - see my signature. In other words discard your s*y car and get yourself a Truck. Start with a little one. After you get your Truckers License you can consider repentance (based on Shaarei Tshuva 1:11)
If there is no solution then yes repent and pray...

Welcome!

Regarding the first question, I believe we can do teshuva for aveiros bein adam lamakom any day of the year.
Perhaps your Y"H is trying to convince you to just give it up for this year since you "already blew it."
Nothing doing.
Focus on getting well.
The teshuva will take care of itself.

Second question: I know it's tough. We need to be tougher. Certainly one of the greatest challenges we face is when we must talk to an untznius woman in the course of our work. I will tell you though, that this is much more do-able when I'm very consistently guarding my eyes in all other settings. I've learned to make the minimal eye contact to be decent and professional, and look at something else the rest of the time, like I'm thinking or writing or typing on the computer.
My sobriety is top priority.

It really goes much deeper, though. Because when I'm truly sober and in recovery, I stop looking at women as lust objects. I stop giving up my power to every teenage girl or attractive woman that walks by. When I've adopted and internalized a healthier attitude towards people of the opposite gender, then I truly see them as people. It's much easier then.

Hi & welcome.

Re issue #1. Well if you fell on rosh hashana it was probably due to triggers that were set in place over last year. Attoning for those triggers is a great start. This is assuming you can't attone for the actual Rosh hashana fall.

Re issue # 2. I too work in a coorporate enviornment. I share your struggle and have not yet formulated a toatl game plan. yes the suggestions on here are great. Go for them. Work on getting rid of lust then those untznis ladies won't be such a problem. But I do think its more challenging when its angling in front of you on daily basis. At that point even if one is truely trying to beat lust, it may be very difficult. So you must also try to outsmart it. Try to bump into it in the least possible ways. When I work from home, I often go to a nice goyish quite enviornmnet to work. But the problem is that there are lots of attractive untzbisdik goyim hanging out there too. So I try not to frequent that place any more. At work I don't go the cafetria and I try to avoid happy hours. The point is try a smuch as you can not to get stuck in the same room as those untznuis. its not always so easy aviodable but at the times that it can be avioded it helps somewhat

Regarding issue #1: I don't believe that's correct: If we do Teshuva, Yom Kippur atones for sins, even if they were committed in the new year.

You may be confusing this with a related issue: On Rosh Hashanah (and during the entire Aseres Yemei Teshuva), our Mitzvos and aveiros are weighed and we are judged, based on the Mitzvos and aveiros committed during the previous year. But, even then, that's all assuming that we don't do Teshuva.

markz wrote:


Thank you for all.

The poster asked a question....can he do teshuvah....The answer is yes. Please don't mix the program with halachos or mitzvos.

If he would have asked, "how should I get out off this thing?" Then you could start with your speech.

Pardon the brevity.....

cordnoy wrote:

Brevity is part of your charm. Like Dov's loquaciousness is part if his.

1) Don't knock yourself - each accomplishment is great, and each fall is to learn from
2) How many people do you know stop sinning after Yom Kippur? Before / After - we are human. The important thing is that you commit to a path forward that will work for you and then let G-D take care of the rest.

cordnoy wrote:


1) the poster asked what to do about a fall even if the question was kind of, maybe, dressed up as a more lomdishe shayla
2) he then went on to describe his problem
3) this is gye not some ask the rabbi advice forum
4) 'the poster' does not seem to be around since his one and only post so whatever everyone is writing is really for us
5) last (but not least by a far shot) I am just speaking for myself cuz I have this problem of not addressing my issues directly but instead getting too mixed up with the lomdus

Yes yerachmiels question was misunderstood above by a few people.

I did mention my concern of getting flattened