to sum up the discussion:
No woman, no wife, should be made into an object! (we should make no person into an object)
We should learn to deal with lust and should independently cultivate a true love relationship with our wives.

But

When they killed the yetzer hara for arayos no chicken laid an egg for 3 days
The this-worldly attraction between husband and wife is healthy and helps cement the inner connection


Don't just cut-and-paste your wife in the place of some porn star

but

But isn't that a step in the right direction?

no

that's a step in the wrong direction

If you cut & paste your lust from porn into your wife then you are correct its wrong.

But if you rechannel some of that lust and instead of watching porn you mix your "itch" with love then yes I think its a step in the right direction.

The intimacy with my wife that is based on love delivers pleasure in a totally different galaxy than that of artificial porn. When I am not doing well, there is little pleasure in my intimacy but when I am sober and not allowing my mind to be hijacked by shmutz, I feel the deep connection with my wife making the intimacy an out of this galaxy experience because it is a connection on 3 levels, emotional, spiritual and physical. I feel the RBS"O smiling at us and resting in our midst.

pischoshelmachat,

I am just tryng to view it in my eyes. What about if its not intimacy admist porn. But rather I have an itch and while I channel it in a loving manner, I statsify my itch during intimacy. I totally agree viewing it as artifical porn is bad. But how about viewing it as eating dinner with ones wife. I eat for my needs but I try to make it a friendly unselfish atmosphere complimneting my wife for her cooking in the process.

we have already hacked carpediem's thread enough. let's move the convos elswhere.

waydown wrote:


Give
Give
Give

Yup I give & give my kids from my own supper too. Even though they ate already but when taty eats they always want from his plate. For some reason when its on taty's plate it tastes so much better than that same supper that my wife begged them five times over to eat. So I give while I satsify myself as well.

Thank you for all your comments. I think I didnt explain myself properly. I do enjoy a superior conection with my wife which I dont with anyone else, she is not simply ...., she is NOT the way to 'calm' my lust. I was wondering if I should tell her how hard it is for me to fight this war and that I need her support & help to fight

My friend, Checkout the discussion on the Baalei Batim post