ZDuvid wrote on 02 Feb 2016 00:13:


To sum it up- your situation is painful emotionally and physically. No doubt about it; it's very frustrating.

You've also done really well in sobriety.

You will survive even if you don't masturbate before the next time she goes to the Mikvah.

If you do masturbate you won't necessarily feel better.

Hashem loves you because he gives you everything including your new baby. Mazel Tov!

Many "normal" guys would act out in your situation.

A tough situation isn't a license to act out, and Hashem doesn't owe you a sexual outlet just because you've been clean for a while.
You know what I sometimes think when I'm feeling frustrated in similar situations to yours? I think to myself "It's not fair; Hashem, why can't I have some sexual pleasure?"
And besides the answer that it might not be the best thing for me then, I think of another answer.
Hashem gave me a huge allotment of sexual pleasure in my life. I used SO MUCH of it in ways that he didn't intend, and now my account is running low. Something doesn't go right and I think "Why?" And He answers "you used one months worth in one week, and one year in one month".
So now you want it; but think about how many times you took it when you didn't deserve it.
Does He owe you? I doubt it.

But I feel for you, and I know the pain of the struggle. It can sometimes bring you to tears, and to despair. And so often we don't even succeed. But you, my friend, are a Gibor. You've tasted the real thing; don't throw it away for counterfeit pleasure.

Easy for me to say, so I just want you to know that I and everyone else here are with you either way. We will be popping champagne if you make it, and totally understanding if you don't.
My deepest wishes for your hatzlacha. I even feel your pain as I write this.
Let us know how it goes, and every bit of effort counts.