I'm deep and in the אדמה... I'm addicted to porn, masturbation and who knows what.

Welcome. Its never too late. We've got more than a couple of Zeidys here.

You think I have a way out??? My addiction started when I was still nieve and didn't even know what I was doing while I did it... but it became an addiction and now I feed my addiction it like crazy, including spending hundreds on bad places. (

ZDuvid, welcome aboard. Most of us started posting here because we believed that there was no hope (or alternatively, recognized that going at this on our own was simply not working.) B"H many have taken great strides forward in their life, benefiting from the Chevra and the support, and building on it using and resources here.

Bigmoish wrote:


Hey!

ZDuvid wrote:


Welcome

Yes there is help.

Bhatzlachah

So glad you've joined us. I am a zeide and have gained my life back by following the wisdom and directives learned on this forum.
You start by posting. Then your journey to a normal healthy lifestyle develops as you learn what is driving you to inappropriate ways and what kind(s) of intervention is thus necessary.
Its a process. You made the first courageous step by posting your introduction. keep posting. Pour your soul out to your new chevra. You will be directed to where you can get the best help FOR YOU.
Never look back. You did the right thing and you must be steadfast in your resolve that Hashem who is without limitations will assist you in your drive to succeed.

There will be growing pains. But the pay off is euphoric and right here in this world. Needless to say the next world.

Thousands(if not millions) have been helped - so yes of course you can and must get yourself a life.

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION

So excited for you

Thank you Chevrah.
Does my wife or anyone need to know? Cause I'm petrified that they will find out.
Also is this a mental illness or what?? Like this week I couldn't focus I just needed to go to someplace to release myself but I needed the money so I just took care of it by myself at work. But like there is this urge in me that is like a big massive wild fire that when it burns its unstoppable

ZDuvid wrote:


just take it easy please on all questions.
look around at other threads, and see what people say here.
no need to tell anyone yet.

good shabbos

Welcome to GYE!

The starting place for new comers can be found in the links below.

Although this isn't SA, the SA Whitebook has a suggestion relating the question you asked. Here it is:

A Caution
We suggest that newcomers to Sexaholics Anonymous not
reveal their sexual past to a spouse or family member who
does not already know of it, without careful consideration
and a period of sexual sobriety, and even then, only after
prior discussion with an SA sponsor or group. Typically,
when we come into the program, we want to share our
excitement with those closest to us and tell all right away.
Such disclosures might injure our family or others and
should be confined to the group of which we are a part until a
wise course is indicated. Of course, if there is any chance we
have put others in danger, we take immediate steps to try to
correct that.
Few things can so damage the possibility of healing in
the family as a premature confession to spouse or family
where sacred bonds and trust have been violated. Unwittingly,
such confessions can be attempts on our part to dump
our guilt, get back into good graces, or make just another
show of willpower. Great caution is advised here.
Amends to family must begin with a sexually sober,
changed attitude and behavior on a daily basis. Then, as we
grow in recovery, we will find how to make direct amends.
Help from sponsor and group is indispensable here. There's
always a way, if we really want to make things right.

Thanks for that answer.
But can you indentify any of my problems that I wrote what extent it is

I have taken the following steps since Friday.
1) I bought a filter and it will cost me $10 a month but I think it pays. (I will still have Netflix YouTube)
2) I signed up for the 90 day calendar thing.

My question is where am I going to put all my energy... while I try to brake loss? my wife is not the greatest when it comes to sex and I'll tell you the truth, she is not that atracted to me neither. She has this big scar and shes a kind of prude to. I told her once while we where together that if you are not in the mood then don't bother cause for me sex is a thing together not that she should be my garbage can! But I always try to get her in the mood but she never trys to get me. she thinks that when she gets undressed the bomb will go off, but that's ain't happening in the neae future.
So any Eitzes from the oilem??

How is your marriage in general?

I went for therapy two years ago and we both made nice progress. Wasn't really major issues but the minor ones usually get big. We had communication issues and expectations issues. But my wife is very happy to live with me know and she is pregnant with our second!

That is a nice story. Something to draw on for encouragement and hope.