Here's another one.



In hope you all had a good shabbos. I had some trouble over Shabbos. We had a guest over who had a granddaughter in from Israel. She is my age. I was immediately attracted to her. I did a pretty good job at controlling myself at the meal. after the meal my older brother and I started talking to her innocently. It had nothing to do with her, it was just 3 people around the same age socializing. I don't know what she or my brother were actually thinking but I was having feelings even though the conversation and situation were far from sexual. They came back the next day for a while but I had already anticipated this. I kept my distance and pretty much controlled my eyes.

Now I have been having trouble keeping my mind off her. I was just so comfortable, so relived to finally have a normal conversation with a normal person, acquaintance to acquaintance. I felt like I was more than just a spectator, more than a little kid. The problem with this is obvious though.

Clearly this is something which I yearn for. I have not really been able to do this very much. In highschool, I always liked going to people's houses who made me fell this way. I was able to go to their house as a friend have good conversation with him, his wife, and their guests. I wasn't the desperate highschooler who they were being nice to by letting me come. I hated those meals. I liked the small, calm, intimate ones. This did leave room for me to wrongly interpret those good feelings as sexual on occasion. (I have elaborated on my other forum in the SSA section.)

I need to fill this void somehow. I don't know what all of my feelings mean or how the facts affect this. The people involved were often women, guests or wives of my hosts. I felt that they were more understanding.

Any questions or comments are appreciated as they help bring out the details in a more condensed fashion. Thank You and KOP.