Welcome back,
Sorry to hear about the past but elated to hear about the present.
Let us know if you feel you need anythin'.

B'hatzlachah

EH,

Our stories are so similar (our sins are too) I almost feel you are talking to me.

This may sound silly but I have decided that even if g-d forbid I do fall, I must at-least push myself to log into GYE. One of the mistakes I made when falling after joining GYE was the exact smae reason. I was too embarssed to go on GYE while sinning so I avioded it. But had I stayed on GYE no matter what I believe that I would have pulled myself together alot sooner. 

This is not to say that oh as long as i stick around on GYE I have the green light to do as I please. But it usually helps us from compeltely drowning as we fall.

I may have missed something, but how will u be able to fall if ur all filtered up? Unless...
just saying, if u don't have a filter, and I'm not gonna be nice about it like many guys here, You are destroying ur own life and there's nobody you can blame but yourself. Period. step one is getting a filter and there's nothing to talk about until you do. Falls are basically inevitable until you get a filter. It shouldn't take time or its being taken care of, it should be priority número uno if your in as much pain as u say. Unless...

Mr. Clean
I may have missed something, but how will u be able to fall if ur all filtered up?

I don't know if EH has my problem or not. But many of us own work devcies that we have no permission to download any filters. It will automaticlly block any downloads.Yes our work has its own filters. But there are certain dangerous sites that are fairly kosher in secular circles but a frum yid who is a luster like me can browse those sites and exploite it easily . So filters help and should be used as much as we can. But its not the end game nor fool proof

mr.clean wrote on Unknown:

I would refrain from making such generalities. Filtering and acting out is not as inversely related as people may think.

Filters are a huge help. Acting out can occur with or without a filter. You can't download or buy a program to filter your mind or your eyes from what you see or conceptualise

In my situation -  my computer was giving me issues  and so I landed up getting a new one, and  I felt I didnt need the filter because I had been so strong the past couple of months. I felt I could do it on my own. I couldn't. However, once I fell and fell and fell some more, I got the filter back on.

Then.... my phone went in for repairs (when it rains, it pours) and when it came back - it was wiped clean. I didn't get the filter put on straight away. I felt it was invasive, I hated knowing someone was watching me and that put me off and so I fell hard again and again and again. 

It got to a point where I had had enough. I put the filter on my phone and all has been well.

My challenge gentlemen is that my wife doesnt know about my struggle. Her computer is not filtered. There is no justification for her to get the filter without telling her my struggle and I am not ready to do that. So when I had fallen from using my pc unfiltered, I went to hers and would delete my history when I was finished.

However, as I mentioned - I had a good chat with her in December and turns out the things that were bothering me about our relationship were addressed and since then I have been happy and fulfilled. I do not desire the attention from other women. BUT I will not forego the filter because temptation is crazy and can attack at a moments notice.

I am not perfect, I never was and never will be. I just try get through moment by moment, day by day.

Great so we know that a filter is a necessity for you. I'm not quite sure what the deal is with your wife's computer, filtered or not, but I would HIGHLY suggest that you filter it. You don't have to tell her about ur struggles just because you wanna filter it, you can simply say that you use it sometimes and there are web pages and pop ups that come up that you'd rather not be open to because you love ur wife and don't wanna be tempted into anything else. but as u can see urself, when u don't have a filter you will inevitably fall.
regarding the relationship aspect. That's awesome! I'm so happy that you feel fulfilled and you don't need to go to other for the attention. I would go into this carefully though. Don't forget WE are addicts. And eventually we may hurt the people we care most about and the things we care most about, even if we're convinced that we won't. It's our nature. were not the first people with an addiction on this planet...and history tends to repeat itself.
lastly, for those who cannot get a filter because of work or wtvr, I'm totally sympathetic. I understand and yes your struggle is much harder. But for those who can, I won't say the filter is the cure, it's not. But it's definitely the medication that prevents you from getting worse! There's no way to even begin recovering without stopping the hemroging and bleeding that we have going on NOW. 

Hello,

Great job on getting the filter on your phone! I had a similar situation where I knew I could not control myself with my wife's computer yet I didn't want her to know that I am addicted to these things. So told that her what my Rav said to do, (the Rav doesn't know that I have an addiction problem because I recently came to realized that I am addicted myself). I told her that the religious Jews as a whole took it upon themselves to be careful with the internet because of its useful yet destructive nature. We should avoid using it as much as practically possible and any device even if it belongs to a woman needs to be filtered and monitored because other people like the children, nephews, nieces, husbands, can access it. And the Rav told us to say the truth to our women the the following: "I am a guy with attractions to woman, like any normal male, and to have an open internet access is a bad combination. We should therefore filter and monitor all internet enable devices" I didn't mention anything about addiction or porn or anything. Short and sweet and it works. Try it out and it will work for you too. 

Also your right, having a filter isn't a foolproof yet it reduces the times and intensity of exposure to bad things which is critical to making long term process. The less we do it the better. Let me know what you think. Remember you don't have to go in it alone! You got your friends here at GYE and Hashem!

Even though I, myself, am only 16 I understand. If feel alone, don't feel that way as a rebbe of mine once said if one man is 100 miles down the wrong path and turns around, and another man has one foot in the wrong direction, the one who turned around is going in the right direction and the other the wrong way. 
       So don't despair you are the man who turned around and you are now heading down the right path. H'BVM!

Seeking Support, Thank you for those wise words from your Rebbe. Sounds like he knows a thing or two about the teenage struggle. And you sound very mature to listen, quote, and heed his advice. Kol hakavod!!

In terms of the filter discussion, my problem has always been looking for comfort when in pain and my filter is not and will not do the trick. I contacted WebProtectMe and K9 to tell them my findings, but as much as they say they want to help...

Please offer suggestions for me and for the Klal as I have been struggling greatly, lately. 

Thanks,
Neiro

My friend, December was a long time ago...For myself, I know that I need and yearn constant conversations with my wife for me to feel strong and fulfilled. Squeezing them in to an already insane schedule is the hardest part, but as my sponsor told me, he sets aside even 20 minutes a night for 'together time'. I wish I could connect more and learn to listen to her concerns and not always be fixated on my own...Makes me nuts, but I'm a selfish human being.

NeiroYair wrote:

I contacted Covenant Eyes many times asking them to fix this and fix that...  
Until I found GYE and discovered that it's not the Filter or CE that needs fixing, rather it's me

embarrassedhusband wrote on 03 Jun 2015 20:37:

Hello EH, I have been on video sites myself, and I see immodest guys and girls, and I feel ashamed of myself. Maybe if you tell your wife, she will understand and help you. I wish I had someone other than my therapist and parents. HaShem is testing you, not because He is mad at you, but because He loves you and wants you to succeed. HaShem knows you can overcome this, and He knows you are a Tzaddik. If you want to talk farther Private Message me... I know you can do it.... Good Shabbos,

Shmuly Z

P.S. You mentioned about jokes. I am creating a jokes chatroom on the public chatroom. P.M. me for the password.

Well Neiro, I think just minimizing computer use helps, but if that doesn't work you should always use the computer in the company of others. My therapist suggested to me to set a goal one day at a time, you know. Say to yourself, Now at (current time) today I will avoid shmutz until (24 hours later from current time) tomorrow." And do it every day.

cordnoy wrote on 14 Dec 2015 00:38:


Last I checked, it was bout 11 months. You ok?