The last post made me happy- because I saw that Shlomo gave it a thank you; haven’t seen him in ages! Shlomo, great to see you! 

Hey, WG Good to chat as well. I get emails when someone posts on my thread. Hope you're well

Hi!

Hi

Is this the new Hi thread?

Hi!

Shlomo24 wrote on 26 Mar 2019 19:17:

And I guess you keep that email active, unlike pidaini, liz and tz.

Cords, don't get off topic.

Hi

This post is a long time coming but probably not much of a surprise. I'm going to be short and sweet about it.

After many years of struggling with my sexual identity, much of it documented on this website actually, I've come to accept myself as a homosexual man. I've come to accept that if I want marriage and a family, it will be with a male partner. I've been in a relationship with my partner for about a year and a half. I am still very much a sex addict, and still very much working a strong recovery program with a Sponsor. I have a Sponsee as well. I've decided to reveal this on this forum due to unrelated current events that have shown me how painful it is for me to hide such a crucial part of my experience. I hope to be an example of someone who can live a healthy and spiritual life while also proudly being open about my sexuality, given there's so much shame in frum circles.

Just a PSA: If you disapprove of this, that's frankly your problem. I will not be debating if it's right/wrong but I may respond to some questions, up to my discretion. If you do want to chat about it, your best shot is to send me a Hangouts message on my email below.

Shlomo,

I am not here to approve or disapprove your decision. I just wanted to point out one fact.
I struggle with porn and masturbation, and occasionally I fall through. I can rationalize why I fall all day, However I will be really upset if someone was to approve my actions. How can someone approve something which is forbidden?

Regarding homosexuality, as far as I know, it is only ossur two things. One, the actual physical act. Two, it is brought down in the gemora the issue of writing a kesuba, which is formally recognizing such a union as marriage.

If you intend to do any of the above, then I'm sorry to say, it is not, frankly my problem if I disapprove, it is the torah's problem.

This doesn't mean I approve or disapprove of you. Actually I have always looked up to you. It just means I disapprove of your action. In the same way that I want people to disapprove of my actions.

Sorry for this post. Wishing you much Hatzlocha in finding what's right for you while still being able to follow the torah.

My apologies to the people who wrote me.

Even this post is not bein' written as a moderator, although it reflects this moderator's position as to why he is not deletin' the above post.

It was written that the torah forbids homosexual sex and that there is a prohibition against two males marryin' with a kesuvah. (lots of stuff were written there, but I'm just mentionin' this part.) Fine.

Others can write that as well.

Masturbation is a prohibition as well. Many on this site wrote that they act out and some add that they will continue to do so.

Watchin' porn or oglin' women is against a lav in the torah. Many here attest to that as well, and some say that they will continue to do so.

Cohabitin' with a prostitute is probably assur as well. Some have written about their actions and their plans.

We have had people write about extra marital affairs as well. Some have posted about not bein' careful with the niddah restrictions.

Where is the broohah?

Now, I know you will respond that this case is different, for he writes that he is comfortable with that decision. Again I say that many are ok with their decisions at the time as well. Some say they'll change and some don't.

I am not smart enough to know the difference and the nuances between ssa, sex addict, commitment to a male partner, conversion therapy, etc.

This site is an open forum where the purpose is to guard our eyes (and minds I assume) and actions. Not every post is sanctioned by the torah. If you feel someone is rapin' his wife or someone else's, or someone is violatin' a biblical or rabbinical prohibition, or someone doesn't care about his friends property or feelings, speak up my friend.

Shlomo is not tellin' anyone what to do or how to conduct their life, and if somebody does offer suggestions, it is your job, our responsibility, etc. to say what we think.

Personally, I think that there are many more damagin' posts on the forum. I can almost guarantee that there will not be one fellow who marries a male based on the above post, but there will be people who avoid true recovery based on other feel-good posts. There will be some who end up in divorce based on suggestions of tellin' their spouse or not tellin.

This is a public forum. Don't be afraid to say your opinion. (This sentence was written in response to the people who did not wanna reply on the forum to shlomo's post because they were afraid of him.)

Godspeed to all

Shlomo,

Others should read your story, see your signature..
Here’s a man who’s working on himself.
Working VERY hard. Puts alot of us to shame.

What about what seems to me your reverting to your current brain wiring to SSA?
Who of us Gye’s doesn’t revert sometimes to our own escape hatches?

Now here’s an added point:
I have a relative who’s stuck in old trauma and after many years of therapy etc has not managed to find relief, yet...

People are not robots, nor is Shlomo

———
After this thought I see now that some had issue with Shlomo’s post.

If shlomo’s a robot, go ahead and re-program him with the click of a button. Maybe gye should add one next to the “Thank you” button

If Shlomo’s a human being, he deserves some sympathy.

#My2Cents

Markz wrote on 15 Apr 2019 15:59:

Shlomo has got my sympathy and respect, and I can't imagine what he is going through, especially to come out like this, neither am I judging him in any way shape or form.

I still feel that GYE is not the place to validate such behaviour and advertise it in the way he is. It is a Torah true forum. And it can cause others to follow suit.

And to Cord's point, that we all have our own hell holes and we advertise them, there is a difference we come for help, one expresses it openly and one subtly, but that is the ultimate goal of this site. This site is not for one to validate and normalize behaviour that is against the Torah.  

A few more comments:

There was a recent thread where open marriage was openly discussed. People there stated their opinions, some even strong. That's good; that's the way it should be, especially when it's not a Torah concept. Did the poster wanna hear about the Torah's view? No, but that is his issue, not ours.

I can cite other threads as well.

I happen to think that Shlomo did a lot of damage to his anti conversion-therapy bashin' by postin' this latest post. That is also his prerogative.

People are tellin' me that someone who has SSA tendencies will now think twice about not curbin' his desires. I repeat: This forum is filled with stuff. SA meetin's are as well. If one wants to recover, he needs to understand that people do things wrong. Some people masturbate - that's wrong. Some go to massage parlors or visit escorts - that's wrong. Some badger their wives for sex - that's wrong. Some engage in homosexual sex - that's wrong. Some have sex before they are married - that's wrong. Some have two wives, - wrong. There are women who marry women and males who marry males - that's also wrong. There are those who change their gender - I don't know; ask a Rav. Some men wear women's clothin' - wrong. (by the way, I am in the above list several times, and a few honorable mentions.)

Some wanna recover; some don't. Some are content with their decisions; others aren't. A forum is where people can come to discuss the issue from all angles and perspectives. This site has a Torah-observant leanin' to it where we try to portray the Torah's values, so we try to guide, suggest, advise, answer based on what the Torah/God would want us to do. That's why the 12 steps were such a hotbed issue in the beginnin' of this site. Is it a Torah approach? Can one enter a church, etc.?

So for this thread, homosexual sex is Biblically forbidden. One should not marry a same gender partner as well. Boys playin' around with each other and girls doin' the same is not allowed. Fantasies, thoughts, lookin' for these things are forbidden under "lo sasuru." What should one do if he has these desires? That's a good question and that's what this site and others are for. Shlomo made his decision (it seems) and (it seems) that he is comfortable with it as well; that should not be yours.

Godspeed

Shlomo24 wrote on 15 Apr 2019 06:40:

you wrote: Just a PSA: If you disapprove of this, that's frankly your problem.

What does that mean? Someone can disapprove and not have a problem at all. He disapproves for it is against the Torah and not in line with our values. Whether it's your problem or not, that's up for you to decide. Some will say that it's our problem and yours together for we are all areivim zeh lazeh; that may be true as well.

Left hangin'.....

cordnoy wrote on 15 Apr 2019 16:37:

Good question. For clarification, I meant that I will not be debating my choices with others, for they are my choices and not others. If someone has an issue with what I presented, and they feel I should do differently, that is their opinion and not mine. I will not be here to show why I'm right. Put simply, my "Bein Adom L'Makom" isn't everyone else's "Bein Adom L'Chaveiroh."