That's so cute!

I posted earlier but I guess it didn't go through. Basically, I acted out last night. It was very surprising for me. But now I'm very vulnerable and I really need God to guide me every step of the way. Fortunately, I didn't actually out with a guy, it was with myself. I came very close to going over to a guy's house though. I'm heeding my sponsor's direction right now and just focusing on powerlessness and surrender. That's it. My goal is to stay sober today. Nothing more than that. I didn't want to listen to my sponsor, not going into details why, but I believe that he was sent to me from God and I'm trusting God. I'm feeling the cravings throughout the day, at times I really want to go and hook up with someone, even thought it will kill me. But I have a disease and I need to give that up to my Higher Power. Last time I acted out of didn't end until a month later and I was with 7 guys. I didn't have a lot to lose then but I sure as hell have a lot to lose now. I'm actually not upset or unhappy, I'm just a little scared. But I trust that God has me wrapped in his arms.

Stay strong. Hashem is there for you, and so are we.

Shlomo

You're a brave guy for sharing!
And after your post got lost, you could've easily given up and gone back to your war chamber and binged, why not...

Im impressed.

Now take it easy one avatar at a time 

Such a share takes courage.
 keepI at it.
Work it for you're worth it!

B'hatzlachah

Hey guys, quick update. I don't want to say too much because I don't know when I'll be back to normal, but I'm doing and feeling good. I haven't acted out and I've been pretty productive.

I changed my avatar. I'm for sure overthinking this, but that is classic me. I picked a smiling, cartoon, knight because I think it reflects my personality. I have a strong personality, sometimes a bit intense, hence the knight. However, I also believe that I'm pretty noble in my values, which the knight also symbolizes. However, I'm always walking around with a smile on my face and I'm a pleasant person to be around, which is why I picked this particular knight that is smiling. The cartoon element also contributes to that, it's not as rough and harsh as a regular picture of a knight. 

Yeah I know, it's a lot of thought of into it. 

I don't know how to

Love it!

I happen to notice my karma went down. I find that amusing. I must be doing something right, the truth hurts. LOL! I remember my Rebbi in 12th grade saying something like, "If you don't have enemies than you don't stand for anything." 

FTFY

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 30 Nov 2016 03:35:

אני לא מבין מה זה אומר

Shlomo24 wrote on 30 Nov 2016 03:38:

Thank you for the scintillating posts, Reb Cords.

cordnoy wrote on 30 Nov 2016 03:53: