King Shlomo disappeared?

All The Wild Guys here await your return (depicted by the lions etc - hey where's Zemmy)
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Shlomo24 wrote on 16 May 2016 00:06:

But also, TODAY'S sobriety, has nothing to do with YESTERDAY'S acting out. Right?

GuideMe wrote on 17 May 2016 08:31:

THAT is more in line with ODAAT.

Quick update: Things aren't going well. I slept with another guy. Pray for me please.

I'm feeling some despair coming through, and I'm praying hard for you.

Please reach out to your sponsor and other good folks who are there for you.

Gam zeh yaavor, if you choose so.

Shlomo,

We definitely will. What's the matter? Did anything difficult or overwhelming happen in your life that was pushing you to need this kind of outlet to deal with it?

If you need to talk, we're here and if not, we're still here.

Shlomo

I believe it takes TREMENDOUS willpower when acting out to post with your friends here
Most actors / slippers / fallers keep far away

Is there anyone that's gonna jump in here to give you 'chizuk' to save your situation today?
Unlikely

We are here for you buddy

There may be a feeling (conscious or subconcious) in you head, that "heck let me act out, I always know where my gye friends are"

I'm concerned however, that we may lose your friendship, and it may be robbed from you piece by piece

your wallet, then
your Motorcycle, then
your Phone, then
....

Something like this
www.gruntig.net/2016/05/unusual-robbery.html

ראה מסֹ זבחים בּ עמוד א׳
אבל בקדושׁתייהו קיימי
משום דשׁנו בה כל הני לשׁני בה וליזיל

I have applied VCF to my recently purchased laptop.  To apply it to my iPhone 5, however (an iOS device), seems to be more complicated than applying it to my laptop.  Any suggestions?

Try TAG

http://venishmartem.com/help/hotline
 

SHLOMO




 

My relapse progressed but I'm finally willing to do whatever it takes for sobriety. It looks like I'm getting out of it. I'm also downgrading to a dumbphone so my posting will be limited. I will try to post more later. I have what to give over to the oilam.

I just went to a meeting that was all about sharing experience, so here goes: 

Deterioration:
5 days ago I was on top of the world. I hadn't touched myself in 9 months and I could probably count on one hand the amount of times I took actions of lust. I was helping others and successful, doing well in college and decent in yeshiva. I was taking care of myself pretty well and enjoying life. I had a lot of luxuries in my life, a smartphone, a car, a laptop and the ability to be independant.

Just 4 days later I was a different person. My addiction took over and I was very rapidly deteriorating. I acted out with 3 men anonymously over 4 days. I wasn't eating or sleeping like a normal human. My schedule was completely out of whack. Ironically, I did schoolwork, but that is because of my perfectionism. I can't let myself get anything less than an A. I crossed lines in terms of sexual behavior, my life was consumed by the pursuit of my next fix. I was acting out even though I didn't want to. I may have drank something that wasn't kosher, but I didn't care. The unmanageability of my life was extreme. I couldn't have yichud with myself because I was acting out, day or night. I needed to sleep in my sponsors apartment, (to the embarrassment of myself to his apartment mates, whom all knew something was up), because I couldn't be alone at night. He had to take my keys and phone, because they were dangerous for me at the time. I needed to check in with another addict every 15 minutes throughout the day because any time to myself was an opportunity for me to act out. I had no self, I was completely taken over by addiction. This is what is called being an addict, so if you are one please help yourself before it gets to where I got. And if you aren't, you may not want it to progress. Which leads me to my gratitudes.

Gratitudes:
A lot of people have really came through in special ways throughout my relapse. I would like to thank you all for your support, even though I was spiraling away. Specifically Mark and BigMoish. Moish is my 15 minute check-in partner and Mark had some really sweet posts. Gevura also. Sorry if I'm leaving anyone out. I also owe my sponsor a great debt of gratitude. He took me under his wing, completely pro bono. He made me dinner because I wasn't eating. He made me a bed on his couch and set up my linens. He gave me pajamas. He drove me to and from meetings. He took time out from his day to speak with me and let me express myself, and also tell me what I need to do to stay sober. He took my keys and phone because he knew they weren't good for me at the time. I really am so grateful to him, I was crying last night thinking about it. I'm also grateful to God for sticking with me and keeping me alive at this moment. There's no reason I should be here, not based on the actions I was doing, it's purely out of love for me. It's surreal to have people care for me and help me out with no intention of a payback from me. I can't even fathom it. It's antithetical to how I live(d) my life.

That's all for now. I don't have much internet access for the time being so you may not hear much from me.

Peace Out. 

Thanks for sharing,  and thanks for reminding me how dangerous lust is,  and what it can do to us anytime. 
Hatzlacha
Get on with good things

Shlomo, as long as we are alive, we all have a road ahead of us. But you have no idea how much your last post made me happy. Obviously less then you, but I was very shaken by the recent events, It's been cloudy everyday this week. Suddenly I see the sun starting to peek through. Keep up the good work. We need more of you out there, fighting and striving to then live a life of sobriety [or at least a day :-)].
Maybe you can educate your dumb phone to at least send emails to some of us here.
KIT
SG