stillgoing wrote on 02 May 2016 17:23:

I DID NOT READ THE WHOLE LECTURE

It is toooooooooooooooooooooocan
long

The few pieces I got were good
The best was what you wrote about me
Finally someone understands me

Keep on T!

Shlomo, that post was like L.A., N.Y, Montana & Texas all together.  I have so many responses flying around in my head, i'm going to post them one at a time just to be a little more manageable (kinda like opaat)I did'nt add anything to your quote, but as you can see, i did skip some parts to get to the parts that im responding to. 

Shlomo24 wrote on 02 May 2016 16:54:

​All this talk about women. Correct me if i'm wrong. I'm only one ssa guy here and i may be a minority, but it sounds to me like you have a healthy (at least) appitite for the oppisite sex

SSA is not necessarily exclusive 

Thanks.
I missed that paragraph in the middle the first time around.
Then, I said, I should read that long one again.
My ego is high, I am working on it.
Nothing intelligent off the cuff. I am curious about your dual fantasies. I don't know enough about it to venture an opinion.

I do think you should calm yourself a bit regarding all your wants in marriage....not sure how it will be productive.

If something more pops in, I will drop a line.

Still sorry I missed you by kosel.

B'hatzlachah

stillgoing wrote on 03 May 2016 01:39:

Some interesting analysis:
L.A. - City
N.Y. - State
Montana - State
Texas - State

stillgoing wrote on 03 May 2016 01:51:

Yeah, bh, for a variety of reasons SSA is not my problem. 

Yesod wrote on 03 May 2016 04:54:

I've seriously considered creating a "red surrender carpet" welcome thread for newbies

I guess we'd use red corn for that then, and stand the.guard by the entrance to 'accidentally' push them onto it into submission and a surrender position

Then we won't need 90 day charts, everyone will be cured instantaneously, and all will show "1 Day" like King Shlomo24, 'master of the hug rug'

Shlomo24 wrote on 03 May 2016 04:12:


It's not? Now I'm confused. I thought it was. I'm not prying, but did I miss something?

First off, you can pry away. It's not my duty to answer a question just because it's asked. Let me clarify: I have SSA but it's not a problem. For a variety of reasons. My predicament is addiction.

Workingguy wrote on 03 May 2016 13:40:

I'm not answering for King Shlomo (i like Marks name for you. can i use it?) because i'm not him, but in a general way ssa can cause challenges in life, but if one is also attracted (a least somewhat) to girls, he can marry and lead a farly typical life. Addiction on the other hand, can totally take over our entire lives.

Shlomo24 wrote on 03 May 2016 04:11:

Not bad. (you didn't google it, right?) the point was, that they are from four ends of this country.  reminds me of the time that someone once told me that new york and israel are pretty much the only places in the world, no?

stillgoing wrote on 03 May 2016 16:15:

I don't remember that nickname actually. But I must say, it's quite fitting. . 

As sg isn't answering for me, I am not answering for him, but I have an opinion on what was said: Even if I had zero sexual attraction for women, I could live a productive and happy life and be married. I know people who think that they aren't attracted to women, (hint: they are), but they have happy marriages. In terms of attraction, if a guy can tell the fundamental difference between a cute dog and a cute girl, then he is sufficiently attracted to women. This is what my therapists told me and it was one of the most vital things anyone has ever told me. But even so, let's say that I had zero attraction to women, I could still live productively.

Here are the "variety" of reasons why SSA isn't my problem:

1) SSA isn't my problem because I'm an addict. I have a disease that includes lust for men. God gave me it. Do pancreatic cancer patients and lung cancer patients have the same disease? Yes. So too do me and every other sex addict have the same disease. It's just expressed in different areas. There may be psychological reasons why I am sexually attracted to men, but there are reasons for everything. So addiction is the source, not SSA. (I am refraining from calling my addiction a problem, it is not a problem, rather the way I deal with it can be problematic). Some people have SSA as their source, but not me. As I'm in middle of writing a history paper, here is a quote from another member who shared this sentiment:

"cordnoy" post=240681 date=1412218115
Ultimately, the way I see it as a general rule (and I'm no expert) is that this type of addiction or lust desire is the same as others. There was somethin' that triggered our brains and rest of our body at some point in time, and many of us get stuch with that for the duration of our life. It is not the object or person of our desire that makes the difference; it is not the particular fetish that we may have. The common denominator is that it is defined as lust, and we need to learn how to live with it in a healthy fashion.
 
Honestly, I could read that over and over again. (I'm entering it in post of the year after this, even though it wasn't this year).

2) SSA isn't my problem because it doesn't run my life. I don't have to deal with it. I don't identify myself as SSA, I am Shlomo. I am not a living, breathing, SSA. I know people like this and I don't find that they have serene lives. The best thing for my SSA was to disregard it as an identity. I am not different than you, we both belong together as humans. While some may find comfort and love in the SSA community, my personal experience was that the more I made SSA my life, the less of a life I had. I was constantly thinking about guys when I was in the community, that was the majority of conversations. And it wasn't healthy for me.

3) SSA isn't my problem because God has decided that I should gain attraction for women. My attraction is steadily growing and believe me I am not trying to facilitate that. I may even be actively NOT letting it facilitate. I'm quite comfortable with my attractions, we are old buddies. I am used to this and I like it, it's a homey place for me. I do find that the more I distance from SSA the stronger my sexual attractions to women are. I was in a point where I didn't lust after women at all, I just had the attraction, but now I need to be a little bit more careful. I am still grossed out by the prospect of watching heterosexual porn, I don't think women should be portrayed that way and I don't believe that any woman REALLY want to be a pornstar, as much as the liberal media will say otherwise. I am not, however, grossed out about sex with a woman, which I used to be. (And that is also for a slew of reasons). A woman in a gorgeous dress may be triggering, although for the most part they are not. I do objectify woman a lot though, probably the same I do with everybody. I don't think that someone even needs to be attracted at all sexually to be able to "perform."

stillgoing wrote on 03 May 2016 16:44:

 You got me there. 

Great stuff Shlomo.

I wasn't completely sure about the last paragraph though, but that's fine as well.

You have one heck of a healthy attitude.