I'm not saying that i can fully understand him or anyone. There are many diffrent causes of ssa and diffrent manifistations of it. My point was, that i wanted to know that t'shuva too, but it was too long for me. 

Wow. A lot of people care about my feelings I guess. If I ever need a lawyer... 

My point to Mesayin was that I had the most pleasurable experience in my life the last time I acted out. That is a fact. And it was not a good deed also. Issurim aren't relevant to this conversation. If I worry about issurim then I will act out. I need to live for today, not yesterday or tomorrow. I heard Justin Timberlake has a good quote about that. Hashem loves me immensely right now and he always has and always will love me. What I do teshuva for is my private business. Also, once we are mentioning teshuva, Mark: I love you dearly, but there is no way in gods almighty name will I ever read it. It makes "War and Peace" look like a haiku. (Ok, maybe that was an exaggeration).

Also, I know of people who say that doing certain activities that they viewed as manly affirmed their manhood. And therapy is not the only road, I have found more serenity about myself in SA than in 3+ years of therapy combined. Not to say that therapy doesn't help, and also this is just my experience, not necessarily others.

Peace Out.

Sorry Shlomo, I was a little misunderstood, let's just disregard my post and move shall we not?

And now I'll just go cry to my therapist that I was bombarded on a website.

Mesayin wrote on 02 Mar 2016 20:44:



It's ok, you can cry here. Hey, even look at my avatar.

Welcome back ehrliche.bochur! We kept in touch a little last year. How are things going by you? How is SSA and life in general?

Shlomo24 wrote on 04 Mar 2016 06:15:

life is very good BH. very busy. since one year im busy with being father now. it is gift from hashem to not have privacy and always im busy. hashem sees i am working very hard and give me busy life and yetzer hora does not have time to enter. now my life is more stable and slow SSA is returning and i am trying again GYE because it helped me very much before.

How is life by you?

Thanks for asking. B"h things are going really well. I am in college/yeshiva now and really loving it. Also I am enjoying life and doing the things I need to do to keep me sober and healthy, although I am writing this at 4:21am  .

I spoke with my therapist today. I was saying how I shame myself for my lack of tefillah. A common thing that I think is that no girl will ever want to date me or marry me. After saying this my therapist responded; "Shlomo, girls will be falling at your feet to date you." I was like "What!!" but he meant it completely seriously. He said that he really values my outlook upon life and how I am trying to improve on my defects. It got me thinking about myself. I have such a negative view about myself sometimes, I am so hard on myself sometimes, but maybe I am actually a good person! Who would have thunk! Afterwards, I left a message by another SA member. He texted back that everything, meaning the good things, that I said about myself are all true. He said that I am going to be a great husband. Honestly, that is all I really want in life. For me, there is nothing more reaffirming than being considered a good husband, or in this case, potentially. It made me feel really good and like a man on the inside. I told my friend, "Uch, stop it," and he responded that he was just saying a fact. I guess he knows the way to my heart .

I must admit that a part of me is saying that I am being cocky and a bigot by posting this story. I would like to bring that out to the light. I believe that positive messages are important for me and also for others. And I don't need to defend my honest experiences.

Peace Out.

Shlomo24 wrote:

I thought this also before getting married.  I think this is common all men wory about. Did you begin shidduchim? I will tell you when you start shidduchim there will be many times when girls want to continue but you do not. And times when you want to continue but she does not. Don't worry so much. HaShem has a plan iy"h you will find bride

I have been thinking about dating and I mentioned it to my parents. My mother had a negative, sarcastic reaction, which made me fear how my father was going to react. I told him about it and he responded, "Ok", and proceeded to do what he was doing. I was not expecting that response at all, and I was very happy about it. It showed that he acknowledged it and he didn't make a big deal, which is what I wanted. I was standing behind him when he said that, and my response was "YAY!." Then I hugged him. This is significant because that was the first time in all of my life that I have EVER hugged him out of love. I had to use the bathroom afterwards, and I looked at myself in the mirror. I thought, "I can totally cry right now", and I started bawling on the spot. My parents were waiting for me for havdalah, so I cried a little more and tried to clean my face up, it is a character defect of mine not to show them vulnerability. After havdalah, I went to my room and cried a bunch more. The reason why I was crying is because of the pain that was/is residing in me about the relationship with my father. It isn't very good and he is abusive at times. I never got what I wanted ideally. However, this hug was an act of love that broke down those barriers that were preventing me from feeling those feelings. Once I did it, it was "all over" for me and I felt the tidal wave of emotion. It was good to actually feel pain, my acting out buried those experiences from me, but they are being unearthed. Many years of therapy couldn't get me here, but actions generally lead to emotions in my case. Therapy probably helped with self-awareness, but nothing could compare to this real-life instance.

Awesome,  absolutely awesome. 

On the money

Amazing!!!!
Continued progress!

 

wow great progress. i do not know how old you and your father but it is never to late to build good relationship by him. so great. bhatzlocho

May all your endevours be with a lot of Mazel!!