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TOPIC: Big Steps 129705 Views

Re: Big Steps 13 Oct 2015 20:25 #265844

  • lomed
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Great Job!!!!! Keep it up!
I currently attend live SA meetings. Feel free to reach out to me.

Re: Big Steps 13 Oct 2015 21:19 #265858

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markz wrote:
Shlomo24 wrote:
Hey y'all! ... god kept me sober over bein hazmanim. Really grateful for that, it's the first b"h that i have been sober the whole time
Good going Shlomo!

markz wrote:

Guys give him a round of aplauuuuuuuuusssssse!!!

How about a round of applesauuuuuuuuse!!!
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Re: Big Steps 13 Oct 2015 22:14 #265863

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Apple sauce is what truckers throw at someone that has a fall.

You can add it to your signature as a tool for sobriety

בא לטמא פותחין לו סוס תפוחים
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
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Re: Big Steps 25 Oct 2015 01:16 #266744

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TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY! WOOHOO!
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: Big Steps 25 Oct 2015 01:25 #266748

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Shlomo24 wrote:
TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY! WOOHOO!


Happy birthday

May you have many more one days of sobriety.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

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Re: Big Steps 25 Oct 2015 21:41 #266820

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i went to a SA conference in bp (boro park for non new yorkers, if such a thing exists) with harvey and nancy. harvey has 30+ years of sobriety and his wife is the "queen" of S-Anon. they were talking about forgiveness which got me thinking about my "old man". i just want to bring out that i am not ready to forgive my father and i am still harboring resentments against him. i will talk to my sponsor abt this iy"h. might not b able 2 actually work on it till the 4th step but ODAAT.
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

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Re: Big Steps 01 Nov 2015 20:40 #267489

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I just came back from an extended shabbos for sex addicts. I left a half day early due to circumstances in my life, but I really enjoyed the time I was there. A couple pointers from my shabbos.

1) On friday night by kabbolas shabbos we danced around the room. I told another attendee, "look around the room, every (dang) person here is an addict!" it was really cool. in the sa rooms i relate a lot to ppl but once ur outta the room ur outta the room. over here no matter where i was i could relate on a deep level to everyone (male, wives were also there) i saw.

2) the women's keynote speaker was amazing. i am very intrigued by s anon for some reason. i never met anyone who i knew was in s anon before i went to the shabbos. i think what i took out the most was acceptance. she accepted her husband for who he was, that he has a disease and that her life was not going to go as she planned in her head. that was really powerful. also her husband's mo's where all with men, and she accepted that. which leads me to my next point.

3) i have lust for men primarily. i am attracted to women but i don't really lust after them. i am ok with that, or so i thought. i realized i was ashamed about my attraction to men, that i was being general in my mo description out of shame. after i heard the speech i went over to her husband to talk about it with him. he told me that for him if he is holding something back in his shares then he is not accepting himself for who he is. he said that not all guys who have same sex attraction are sex addicts (which is true, i know some personally). god made him the way he is, he made him lust after men and that is how he is. i resonated with that but it's hard for me to accept it. through so much therapy i have come to believe that SSA is a disorder and not a lust problem. i have had a lot of success in therapy and there are definite truths there. however, for sobriety i think i need to take a 180 flip on my views of ssa. i think that i am going to view lust for men as lust and nothing else for now, i will try to accept that i have ssa, and not try to change who i am. i will accept that god made me this way (i don't believe in "born this way" b/c i wasn't born with ssa, but god did give me ssa later on in life) and that i will try to be myself and utilize ME for my best abilities. i hope to say that i lust after men in my shares, to try to get the shame away. my sponsor has this view already as he shares everything openly (he also lusts after men). i had a view that no woman could accept me for who i am and hearing the speech really reinforced the opposite.
i am no different than any other person in the rooms, i am not a really screwed up sex addict. i am merely a sex addict and a lovable son of god at that. i am getting emotional writing this, tears are forming in my eyes. i guess self acceptance is a really powerful thing. all my problems lie within my head, i am part of the group just as much as anyone else. my problem is shlomo and in order to conquer my problems i need to accept shlomo for who he is.

thanks for letting me share.
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

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Re: Big Steps 01 Nov 2015 21:10 #267497

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Those that love Hashem are happy with their life G-d gave them, and do not seek to replace it with anyone else's

(נתברר להם והאמינו כי כל ענייניהם ותנועותיהם נוהגים בגזרת הבורא יתעלה וחפצו.
ואז עמדו מבחור בעניין מענייניהם יותר מזולתו, ובטחו על הבורא שיבחר להם הטוב והנכון מהם.
חובות הלבבות שער י פרק ז)

Shlomo Keep it UP!!
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Last Edit: 01 Nov 2015 21:10 by Markz.

Re: Big Steps 04 Nov 2015 01:16 #267711

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Happy B-Day Shlomo!

Re: Big Steps 04 Nov 2015 01:27 #267713

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Yudi wrote:
Happy B-Day Shlomo!


I love you too yudi even when u say happy birthday very late
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

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Re: Big Steps 09 Nov 2015 19:35 #268185

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I had a talk with a rav from the minyan I daven in on Shabbos last night. We talked abt my struggles with tefillah... We came out that tefillah is a siman not a sibah for what is going on with me. I resonated with that. I realized later that tefillah is the only PRACTICAL thing that I feel needs a large improvement in my life and relationship with Judaism. I realized I was over blowing things.

I mentioned to him that I know god loves me and that he exists, but I also believe that he gives me space and doesn't expect me to become R' Chaim Kanievsky (first time mentioned on the forum?) overnight. He responded, "hashem doesn't expect you to become rav chaim EVER", i laughed when he said it b/c i realized that i was getting ahead of myself and comparing myself to an ideal without letting me be myself. I think i am doing a mighty fine job as being Shlomo, not excluding the fact that i still want to grow.

He told me that if i strengthen my emunah then the problems with tefillah will naturally go away. the questions i had would be a moot point, b/c if i have strong emunah then i will follow His will no matter what. emunah pshutah. i like that. i definitely feel that i am growing in emunah, with a huge HH (hakaras hatov) to SA for that. my higher power is the god of my religion (ayin shom l'eiel).

He told me that practically i should talk to hashem abt tefillah and ask him to help me with my emunah. he also mentioned a couple of chassideshe seforim that would help. I am looking forward to taking that step.
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

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Re: Big Steps 09 Nov 2015 20:05 #268191

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Shlomo24 wrote:
I mentioned to him that I know god loves me and that he exists, but I also believe that he gives me space and doesn't expect me to become R' Chaim Kanievsky (first time mentioned on the forum?) overnight. He responded, "hashem doesn't expect you to become rav chaim EVER"

Uh oh. I don't think we can still be friends...
FAQ's (Great for newcomers!!!)
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www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Big Steps 10 Nov 2015 00:35 #268216

  • Shlomo24
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Bigmoish wrote:
Shlomo24 wrote:
I mentioned to him that I know god loves me and that he exists, but I also believe that he gives me space and doesn't expect me to become R' Chaim Kanievsky (first time mentioned on the forum?) overnight. He responded, "hashem doesn't expect you to become rav chaim EVER"

Uh oh. I don't think we can still be friends...


HA! he thinks we were friends #rightbackatyou
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: Big Steps 10 Nov 2015 03:38 #268232

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Shlomo24 wrote:
i hate to get all serious on a "funny" thread (#ouch #imgonnagetburnedforthis) but it's nice and all to say we are tzadikim but we kinda aren't. we may be people who have changed a ton and we good be good people, but tzadikim! i think that is a stretch. (btw this has always bothered me but i never commented till now). if "x" is a tzadik then what was r' aryeh levin, an uber-tzadik? praise is like a teabag, the more you use it the less powerful it is.
Who is a Tzaddik?
בן בנו של ר׳ יהושע בן לוי ראה עליונים למטה ותחתונים למטה - כי אותם שהם גדולים בתורה ובמעשים טובים בעוה״ז והיה בכח וחוק הכנתם לעשות יותר ולא עשו, הם בעוה״ב למטה מן מדרגת התחתונים ושפלים מהם שלא השיגו לעשות כל מה שעשו הם ולא נמנעו אלא מפני מיעוט הכנתם.
(מבי״ט בהקדמה לס׳ בית אלהים)

Which essentially means that you can be in עוה״ב greater than R Shlomo Kanievsky and even than his father מורינו הג״ר Chaim שליטא or his great-grandfather R Aryeh Levin ז״ל. How are we to know???
(We can however safely assume that these forementioned tzadikim בכח וחוק הכנתם לעשות יותר והם עושים)

I consider someone like yourself our dear Shlomo - that has made great personal strides - as a great צדיק, and we avidly keep tabs on you and follow your truck religiously.

Worried about wringing the teabag of praise?
Another צדיק of ours (Cord') has a truckload of tea, so don't worry about that

And I need to mention one thing which my Gabbai alluded to

All us strugglers and lustaholics have deep emotions.
I will get very upset if someone makes light of compliments that i mentioned

Let NO ONE turn around and say "I'm not the צדיק you think i am..." Not you or Cord' or anyone. Not here not in the having fun forum or anywhere.

Personal negative shares are fine, that's what we all do, but personality determinations? We need positive input, and it's real

KO TLC
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Last Edit: 10 Nov 2015 03:44 by Markz.

Re: Big Steps 10 Nov 2015 03:44 #268233

  • peloni almoni
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markz wrote:
Who is a Tzaddik?
בן בנו של ר׳ יהושע בן לוי ראה עליונים למטה ותחתונים למטה - כי אותם שהם גדולים בתורה ובמעשים טובים בעוה״ז והיה בכח וחוק הכנתם לעשות יותר ולא עשו, הם בעוה״ב למטה מן מדרגת התחתונים ושפלים מהם שלא השיגו לעשות כל מה שעשו הם ולא נמנעו אלא מפני מיעוט הכנתם.
(מבי״ט בהקדמה לס׳ בית אלהים)

Which essentially means that you can be in עוה״ב greater than R Shlomo Kanievsky and even than his father מורינו הג״ר Chaim שליטא or his great-grandfather R Aryeh Levin ז״ל. How are we to know???
(We can however safely assume that these forementioned tzadikim בכח וחוק הכנתם לעשות יותר והם עושים)

I consider someone like yourself our dear Shlomo - that has made great personal strides - as a great צדיק, and we avidly keep tabs on you and follow your truck religiously.

Worried about wringing the teabag of praise?
Another צדיק of ours (Cord') has a truckload of tea, so don't worry about that

And I need to mention one thing which my Gabbai alluded to

All us strugglers and lustaholics have deep emotions.
I will get very upset if someone makes light of compliments that i mentioned

Let NO ONE turn around and say "I'm not the צדיק you think i am..." Not you or Cord' or anyone. Not here not in the having fun forum or anywhere.

Personal negative shares are fine, that's what we all do, but personality determinations? We need positive input, and it's real

KO TLC


Ahem. your "gabbai" is metzayen the following:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/23-Just-Having-Fun/261537-FREE-HARDCORE-CORNOGRAPHY?limit=15&start=120#268229
Have a corny day ... and if you do have other plans, change 'em!!
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None of us has it all together, but together, we have it all.

we always put our sobriety before our ego -
מוטב שאקרא שוטה כל ימי ואל אהיה רשע שעה אחת לפני המקום

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