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So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger

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TOPIC: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 29538 Views

Re: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 27 Sep 2015 02:27 #264739

sib101854
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My commute requires me to take a subway and a bus. It gives me lots of time to learn but also to work on tactics and strategies to avoid triggers. This past Erev Shabbos, I was riding on the bus seated and learning when a woman who was probably five years older than me sat down next to me. She started gazing at her cellphone and there was no doubt that she was gazing at something clearly inappropriate,. which could have been a trigger. I stood up and rode the rest of my commute away from her until I got off the bus. Prior to joing GYE I would never even thought about reacting in such a way,

Re: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 27 Sep 2015 03:21 #264746

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8258 Karma: 428	Your karma just went ⬆️
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Re: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 21 Oct 2015 14:23 #266554

sib101854
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I am not sure that this was a slip , but in the course of my job, I was doing some research and I discovered that an old female acquaintaince who dumped me many years ago, and left me emotionally in a terrible state until I met my Eshes Chayil had been in serious legal trouble.I spent a little time determining the nature of that trouble, but went no further-since she once contacted me literally out of nowhere.

Re: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 21 Oct 2015 15:54 #266562

gibbor120 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder NEVER EVER GIVE UP! Posts: 5251 Karma: 166	Thanks for sharing. Don't worry about it. Let go of it and KOT!
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Re: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 30 Oct 2015 18:14 #267394

sib101854 Current streak: 4128 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 517 Karma: 25	The small store where I get my newspapers also sells Mishpacha, etc and other Israeli glossy fashion like( not porn) magazines. Today, I just glanced at the cover of a woman who was inappropriately dressed and walked away ASAP. Almost a slip?

Re: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 30 Oct 2015 18:37 #267395

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8258 Karma: 428	SIB101854 wrote: The small store where I get my newspapers also sells Mishpacha, etc and other Israeli glossy fashion like( not porn) magazines. Today, I just glanced at the cover of a woman who was inappropriately dressed and walked away ASAP. Almost a slip? Is living life like a mentch on this planet, considered a slip?
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Re: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 30 Oct 2015 19:53 #267399

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SIB101854 wrote:

The small store where I get my newspapers also sells Mishpacha, etc and other Israeli glossy fashion like( not porn) magazines. Today, I just glanced at the cover of a woman who was inappropriately dressed and walked away ASAP. Almost a slip?

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Re: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 01 Nov 2015 21:50 #267504

shlomo24 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 135	i believe that we can only be responsible for second looks
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Re: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 02 Nov 2015 01:14 #267512

sib101854 Current streak: 4128 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 517 Karma: 25	Ain Haci Nami!

Re: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 02 Nov 2015 01:51 #267514

peloni almoni
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i want to share something that i wrote for this site last year, and it was since used it in the chizuk emails:

"peloni almoni 08-2014"

The pasuk says: velo sasuru acharei levavchem ve’acharei einechem. Rashi brings from chazal: the eyes are scouts for the body. The eyes see, then the heart desires, and the rest of the body gets dragged into it as well. This raises an obvious question: the pasuk says einechem only after having said levavchem. If the chazal that Rashi brings is truly the torah sheba’al peh counterpart to this pasuk; if the lesson of this pasuk is, in fact, that first the eyes see and then the heart desires, why is the order switched?

There are many answers given. The following is very close to pashut peshat, and brings home an important point.

The cycle goes as follows: A person is walking, and something provocative catches the corner of his eye. Curious, his automatic urge is to take a second glance, to turn his head, lift his eyes, and look. Says the torah: velo sasuru acharei levavchem ve’acharei einechem. We cannot control what leaks into the corner of our eye, or what pops into our direct line of vision. The ikkar is: Do not follow your heart and take a second look. Acharei levavchem, and then ve’acharei einechem. Do you know why you should not take that second glance? Because the eyes are the scouts for the body. The eye sees, and the heart wants, and leads the rest of the body to sin.

The words of the pasuk and the words of chazal/Rashi complement each other. The pasuk is telling us the prohibition - do not follow your heart to take that second look with your eyes. The corresponding chazal is warning us of what we know only too well - if you take that second look, the eyes will effect the heart, and pull the body into sin.

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Last Edit: 02 Nov 2015 01:59 by peloni almoni.

Re: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 02 Nov 2015 01:57 #267516

peloni almoni
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it goes without sayin' though that the "first time" that we are pattur from was really accidental - not negligence ie - putting ourselves somewhere where we know we should be avoiding. we know the gemara that says that someone who passes by women dressed immodestly and doesnt look is a rasha if he had another way to go ... i'm just sayin'

Last Edit: 02 Nov 2015 01:57 by peloni almoni.

Re: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 09 Nov 2015 01:09 #268113

sib101854
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I still will watch a baseball or football game on a Sunday afternoon just to relax. Today, during a time out, I started surfing the channels, landed on a free channel that had the looks of something inappropriate and went right back to the game. I am not yet at the stage of disposing of the TV, but I can surely see why having a TV in the house and spending your eyes glued to it is asking for trouble. I didn't have a fall, but almost a slip-and I know that it is far too easy to go from a slip to a fall to going right back down the rabbit holes of porn and masturbation

Re: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 09 Nov 2015 01:22 #268115

shlomo24 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 135	that is why i don't want to have a tv in my house when i get married. not for "frum" reasons, but i have flipped channels on a tv twice in the past 2 1/2 months and both times i ended up on something inappropriate by accident.
	If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 06 Dec 2015 00:14 #270481

sib101854 Current streak: 4128 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 517 Karma: 25	One of the glossy fashion magazine like supplements arrived with the WSJ this morning. I took one glance through it and tossed it in the garbage can. That would have been a trigger .

Re: So far so good, but I am trying to avoid a trigger 07 Dec 2015 19:21 #270676

shlomo24 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 135	lol, i also get the WSJ. forgive me for hacking your thread, but since my lust is primarily for men i was able to look at in unperturbed. i am actually very grateful that my lust is for men b/c i like design and clothes and stuff... tflms. i'm gonna post abt it on my thread
	If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. Email: iam24zman@gmail.com