2 posts in one day, hey take it easy!

Are you only staying with us during the months of marbim be"real simcha"

Good thing there's a leap year, phew

I didnt realize that i "happened" to rejoin as we were headed in to Chodesh Adar. Thanks for pointing that out. I really feel the difference being back. Ready to start my 90 day climb...

90 day climb???

All it takes is to climb

Another day. Another post.

Day 9. Exhausted. and thats not a good thing. But being up to day 9 is awesome. It just feels real and great. I think the biggest danger for me is the type of acting out that happens suddenly. when your'e doing one thing at one second and suddenly your'e doing who know what kind of garbage. So i just need to stay aware ... and aware .... and aware ... and daven ... and daven ... and daven. 
... 
Have me in mind, chevra ...

Hey RealSimcha,

Welcome back, you are a great man to stay in the fight all this time.

I know the feeling of it being an endless fight, I have been actively struggling to stop for over 10 yrs.

 BH since  coming on GYE I have had some breakthroughs and have BH made progress.

I wish you much Hatzlacha.
A humble suggestion,
Try something new, you've posted before, what about the calls, or the Taphsic or whatever. 

Gd Bless, KIT

Thanks, Yesod.  I am going to give that some thought. For now, though, making sure to post every single day is really doing somethign positive for me. I am feeling responsible to GYE. Do you know what I mean? I had one or two possible close calls over the past two days. You know, a link from a news site, or a frustration that made me want to lash out. Stuff like that. And whenever that happened - over the past few days - GYE pops into my head and i find the strength to make the right choice. I am welll aware that this kind of strength comes from above and that i cant count on it or take credit for it. But, this is what is working now so this is what i am going to keep doing. But your suggestions are great and i am going to think about how i can get involved in the calls etc.

Day 10: As always, the day to day stuff of life feels like a huge burden to me. I find mself searching for escapes. I think that there is a plan "a" and a plan "b" with that.

plan "a" is to try not to escape at all. What am i escaping from? Life can be enjoyabe and interesting with the right approach. I can face my challenges with courage. look them in the eye. and take them on. I can "get my act together" for today. or at least for this hour. thats plan "a"

plan "b" is to escape in a way that wont lead me in the wrong direction. find stuff to escape to that could be positive. playing ball. working out etc. 

Main thing is ... keeping at it ... KOT

Great Trucking!!

I post daily (a little more than that ;-)), and that's one of the tools of my sobriety as mentioned on page 1 of my story

so

KEEP ON Posting!!

Well put. 

I like the way you described the options. 

Posting helps a lot. For me that was one of the biggies. Just dumping the frustrations and struggles here is a big relief. So great choice.  I have now due to the posting, created a new habit that often fills the void of wanting to escape,  i come on here and shoot the breeze or look for some entertainment.  So keep at that. 

The call if you're interested in listening in,  or partaking, is a read of the books.  I'm not a 12 stepper but i can use the ideas they talk about. People also share their stories, It's a feeling of camaraderie.
Bout 20 minutes long M-TH  at 1:20 est.

The number is 
6055623130 and the code is 340483 you can mute or unmute yourself with *6.

You can come on and listen, it's especially nice to hear other folks share their struggles, it is encouraging, and helpful to hear that some people who were worse off got better, or still working on it. 


Whatever you do, Hatzlacha Rabba, and we look forward to reading about your day to day experiences.

Feel free to PM if you ever want to shmooze, or if i can help in any way. 

Yesod
 

Thanks for the plug.
Now that I shared yesterday, I don't care if there are thirty people on the call today.

Hey Cords, so glad you showed up here,  where can i send the bill. 

Yesod wrote on 18 Feb 2016 15:19:

it cant be too difficult to search for my address.
you were on the phone when it was said that us addicts have a higher intellect.

realsimcha wrote on Unknown:

Nicely put! I feel that balancing these two (deciding when to to what you are supposed to be doing and positive outlets) together with siyata nishmaya, could enable us to take on the world. I found that the hardest thing for me to do was to accept my challenges and face them instead of running to my bed and do my thing. Interesting enough, it was also extremely difficult to accept the fact that I need healthy outlets. I didn't  leave Yeshiva let alone unless I needed something and refused to do anything beside learn and shmooze. I always ended up acting out as an outlet and it took a lot for me to "chill out" a little and try not to care to look a little less "shtark" than I used to. It worked wonders! 

Day 11: Oh nuts, its starting to get hard to keep trucking ... last night i felt the first waves of doubt that i can get through this. almost like i was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. i am on day 11. thats an accomplishment. i keep thinking of the medal on the site כובש את יצרו, i wish that was really me. 

I wish there was a way to just go back to the confidence that i felt yesterday. You know how haman's wife said to him that if you started to fall, then you will surely fall? i feel that way sometimes!!! i hope hashem will give me the strength to get past this - or maybe through this is better said - and to move on and to keep going and get back into the happy and confident state that i was in.

thanks for listening guys. maybe GYE can be the anchor that keeps me where i want to be...

It might be a good idea to try to identify what changed.
Did something trigger you? Is there a stressful event going on?

Just as you have begun to see progress, surely you will continue...