Day 40: Shabbos was great. I am feeling so happy to have 40 days behind me, but I am trying to ignore the yetzer hara that is whispering to me that my problems are over. that I don't have an issue. So at the same time that I am patting myself on the back for the 40 days, I am also telling myself, "don't get carried away, just 40 days ago you were swimming in the toilet..." [sorry for the graphic imagery]. More and more i am starting to see the wisdom in the old timers here saying to just focus on today. So while i am not willing to let go of my precious count [its like my pacifier in a way] I recognize that the right approach is to just be grateful for being clean and clear minded for right now. May it continue ....

The 90 day chart can be like a pacifier, but here's a Dov quote

"Baby steps, Easy does it"

It's a world record as the shortest Dov quote - he must have written it on Purim

markz wrote on 20 Mar 2016 02:08:

Just don't ask him to explain it.

Day 41: Busy overwhelming day. Not sure what to do with the the T=tired. I am often tired and there is not much I can do about that . So, like today for example I have an enormous amount of work. I dont see myself finishing until 11:30pm at least. I am forcing myself to spend a little time on GYE in order to maintain my sanity. But I feel this sinking feeling that the day will just never end. help!

you have a job that is keeping you busy, if it doesn't include lead and asbestos like the work im doing ill be happy to trade

 

Don't be too sure ...  ... its after 11:30. Just finishing up. Didn't finish tons. ... But your point is well taken. 

That's a looooong day pal. 
Get some sleep,  hope the week brings us good things. 
 

Day 42: Had a scary moment last night. Was so so tired and overwhelmed and just was up alone with my good friend [or is it...] the computer. Was browsing something "innocent" but realized that there was a more sinister agenda under the "innocent curiosity". [Dont want to give details. Just not fair to everyone else who is working so hard]. That was the first time in the 42 days that I felt that my computer use was affected by a desire to act out. Scary. I dont want to go back to that place. I dont want to hate myself again! I dont want to have to face my wife with embarrassment and a feeling that I betrayed her. I dont want to be in that insane fog that distorts and confuses every decent thing in my life. It doesnt matter if its day 42 or day 42000, I am not going back there. Tonight I am going to sleep clean. Thats my commitment for the day. May Hashem grant me the strength and serenity to pull through.

realsimcha wrote:

A new meaning of hangover!
Hang over your struggles to the Melech!

I have heard pious drunk Jews in the Yeshivas on Purim with such elevated yearnings. Those are the only ones with realsimcha that should drink - the real stuff!!

Wow. Thanks for the reminder...

realsimcha wrote on 21 Mar 2016 16:22:

RS, I have been spending some time catching up on your incredible journey. I have lapsed for a while since my wedding but now hoping to continue to follow your incredible threads. You should pat yourself of the back for inspiring me and I assume many others. Don't stop!
The "T" affects me all the time, and I have thought about it as you have and I realized as well that I am not productive when I am tired. A big issue in my life is that I don't feel productive. I push things off. I get distracted. Things fall apart. Goals go to the wayside. My compulsiveness prevents any real progress. etce. But when I'm tired it's even worse because its impossible to focus on anything and I just get in a type of foggy daze that inhibits me to do anything. My foggy mind makes me feel low and depressed which allows all those thoughts of acting out to swarm in, making it even more difficult because I have less sechel when I'm tired. When I'm in this state its almost a game over when something of a trigger comes my way (usually something pretty "innocent I see on my computer). Many times I acted out because of this and just went to bed depressed like heck and in even more of a fog and a daze, and no I didn't feel refreshed when I woke up. I came to learn (and still learning) that I tell myself when I'm tired that my sechel isn't working too well and I just have to breeze it out until im not tired anymore. As far as productivity I work harder to stay focused and not let myself get bogged down that I'm tired. If this doesn't work I tell myself there are always lows and highs in life, and this is just one of those lows, and if I can say that my low doesn't entail acting out, as far as i can tell I am as high as I can be. 
Keep up your journey and may Hashem give you that strength that you ask of and that you deserve and may you never go back to that horrid life you abandoned 42 days ago!

Hi shmirashachaim,
It seems like many of us are plagued with being tired and our minds telling us to do crazy things. I know from my own experience that when I'm tired I can barely control myself (once or twice, I've managed to wield power over my mind at such times, but usually not). Last night, the only thing I could do to keep myself from genuflecting before my lusts was just to go to sleep. But I wasn't really tired enough to fall asleep immediately and it wasn't easy to brush away my thoughts. I know that sometimes I get tired in the middle of the day. What do you do then? If I can't convince my mind that I'm walking into quicksand, what do I do? Maybe you or others have some ideas?
כל טוב and have a keep up your good work!

Day 43: I started to get more lenient about clicking on those links on the bottom of news reports. They are garbage, a time waster and a window onto a world I never want to see again. There I said it. So, I am mekabeil to refrain from clicking [and try not even to look at them at all] on the links from my links. I know, it might be better not to look at the news online at all. I am not ready for that and this is working for now. If it doesnt work then I will do what I have to do. I will do whatever it takes to stay out of the sick nightmare I was living in. 
[Btw, I use the google news which brings topics from many news sites. I am very "into" the news. If there are other eitzos to get thorough reporting without that tool I'd love if one of you techies could tell me.]

It will be better to access news without pictures and pubs.

On my smartphone, the filter let me to access to "Le Monde" website (the website of a french newspaper), and I managed to display it without pictures and pubs.
I can't assure that ALL the topics in this website will be clean, but I can see news and keep my eyes clean.
All others news website are blocked.

For a computer, you can use Adblock and add the problematics elements into his blacklist manually if they are not filtered.
Find a good news site who is easy to get filtered from problematic elements, allow it and discard all others in a filter.

 

strugglinginpain wrote on 22 Mar 2016 12:15:

Hey! I'm I little tired right now so Im not sure how much these will make sense:laughing:...
I think in order to fight off lust, a big yisod- at least for myself, is to internalize whatever I need to internalize before lust hits. I need to predict the situations I will be in and plan what i will think and do when  those various times come. I found one of those times being when Im tired, so i did just that tailored for when Im tired. I assume different things work for different people due to their situations and their personalities, but ill share with you what i have been trying to do.
First thing is i obviously try to make sure I am well rested and try my hardest to get to sleep on time. In situations like RS where he had tons of work to due this is difficult but i at least try my hardest to make sure this doesnt happen, because many times i let the hour get late by just doing stupid stuff. that goes with out saying.
What I tell myself beforehand is to get ready for that foggy hazy feeling and train myself to react to that feeling by saying:
1 Im tired and i don't have much sechel. All these crazy thoughts are going through my head, but only because im tired. I know I dont think like this as much when im not tired and i know deep down that i dont want this. so im just going to breeze through the day doing what i always do and daven to Hashem to help me get by today.
2 its about my focus. whats my focus? . Am i going to focus on that im tired and therefore let this daze overcome me? or am i going to focus that i am a productive person? Im a productive person and i will try harder to focus on what i need to do at hand, even though i probably wont accomplish as much as i usually do, i did what i can. Also im productive because im not going to act out because even though im too tired to fully understand why im not, i know that I really dont want to and tomorrow when im not tired i will understand more. Im productive because im going somewhere in life.
3 I  have compulsive thoughts that are more intense when im tired so the techniques i practice to get rid of those thoughts i need to set aside more time for them.  
4. Where am i going in life? i feel dazed and confused but what about all the things i want to accomplish in the future? what about the person i want to become? Im tired now which makes me feel like im in a bubble of confusion because im lusting. I need to think about the future when im not in this bubble of haze and confusion. 
I think the main thing is to understand what you are going to feel before you feel it, like in any situation that you are lusting, because tiredness is just the feelings of lust but intensified.
I'm not an expert and not too good at expressing myself, but hoped it helped. If you come up with anything let me know!