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TOPIC: I thought I can do this alone. 83011 Views

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 11 Mar 2016 18:27 #281083

realsimcha
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Day 32: OK. I am doing a little better. My wife and I were up until 230 in the morning talking. and talking. and talking. and screaming. and crying. and talking some more. We have alot more work to do but I feel like we have each other back. Markz you expressed surprise that there would be any shalom bayis issues with a "name" like mine. well, two things. firstly, my name is what i wish not what i am. Secondly, I do have amazing shalom bayis. thats why I dont know how to function when my wife is shut down. and this is something that has only really become part of my life due to recent struggles. Cordnoy, you asked what this was about. Its hard to talk about right now even under the cover of a username. But the point is that my wife does acknowledge fully that its not a question that I did everything right [in this case - for a change :) ) the only thing is that the results of my actions - justified and correct as they were - contributed to a situation that is causing her tremendous pain. sorry not comfortable sharing more right now. Either way things are better now - and shockingly - I am still clean. Now, this is something that needs looking at. How am I clean? What exactly have I been doing that gave me a koach that I never ever had before? There is only one answer. You.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 11 Mar 2016 18:34 #281085

gevura shebyesod
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BH it sounds like things seem to be looking on the way up. The main thing is that you are communicating. Give it time, you will get through it and you may find your bond even stronger when it's over. Hatzlacha and have a great Shabbos!

!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant

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Re: I thought I can do this alone. 11 Mar 2016 21:11 #281096

strugglinginpain Current streak: 3 days OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 32 Karma: 0	Hi Realsimcha, It sounds like you are going through a lot at this time. You gave me some chizuk the other day and it sounds like your giving others gave you something, too. I don't know if that's why you were able to remain clean. But I do know that it helped another Jew--me! כל טוב and have a sweet and peaceful Shabbos.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 11 Mar 2016 21:19 #281098

BenTorah.BaalHabayis OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 321 Karma: 12	I'm really glad that things are looking up for you. The fact that you pulled through despite this difficulty is an inspiration to all of us. Keep up the good work!
	Feel free to email me at BenTorah.BaalHabayis@gmail.com 1 day may be too long for me, but I take it OWAAT = One wave at a time, cause the lust comes and goes like a wave which rises and crashes.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 13 Mar 2016 02:07 #281117

realsimcha
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Day 33: Things are definitely looking up. We are talking alot and getting places in our relationship that we never got before. Thanks for all the chizuk I get here. It really made a difference. Cords, you asked if my wife was aware of my struggles. The answer is that she is very aware. I know that I am very fortunate that I was able to confide in my wife when my troubles began [this whole nightmare didnt start until I was married for five years. Of course after it started I was able to trace back its roots into my shildhhod but it didnt really show its ugly truth till later]. She was very supportive for a long time and even came along with me to my therapist once to ask him how she can help. In recent years my issues have been much more under control and she is relieved about that but she prefers not to be told the "gory details" and she trusts that I am fighting this tooth and nail. I have to say, that I think one thing I did right was that from day one I never asked her to do anything to "compensate" for these urges and I made it 100% clear that this had nothing to do with her, with how pretty she is, or with how much I love her. I hope that our relationship will never be tested in this way and that I can stay as clean and focused as I am now.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 13 Mar 2016 02:16 #281121

cordnoy
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BH.
Very nice to hear.
Continued hatzlachah.

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Re: I thought I can do this alone. 13 Mar 2016 02:22 #281123

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8259 Karma: 428	______________URGENT______________ I wanna karma both you guys now, but can't do both at same time Why is there a OKAAT policy??? Can we ask the editor to please fix this asap!!!!!!!
	My Story---------Dov Quotes *FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING* *Click HERE to checkout;* • 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more... • Awesome Threads Saved for You • Cast Your Vote ➣ GYE Plenty Solutions ➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story Last Edit: 13 Mar 2016 02:23 by Markz.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 13 Mar 2016 04:10 #281136

shlomo24
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realsimcha wrote on 11 Mar 2016 18:27:

I say that there is only one answer: YOU.

If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can.

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 13 Mar 2016 04:49 #281143

Yesod OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 79	Fantastic going RS. It's great that you have this level of communication going on, whatever the flavor. wishing you only the best. Give us good news.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 13 Mar 2016 17:27 #281195

realsimcha Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 425 Karma: 22	Day 34: Boring day ... Baruch Hashem! It is hard to remember how insane the ures get when they tke over, but I cant let myself forget. If I do, I may not push myself to post & KOT. It doesnt feel - right now - that i even can mess up, but thats the danger .... and i am going to continue to treat myself as if i will be lusting by mincha time if i am not actively workin' on it.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 13 Mar 2016 17:33 #281197

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8259 Karma: 428	We're in the same boat, which is why I'm still posting 7 months in
	My Story---------Dov Quotes *FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING* *Click HERE to checkout;* • 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more... • Awesome Threads Saved for You • Cast Your Vote ➣ GYE Plenty Solutions ➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 14 Mar 2016 15:57 #281269

realsimcha
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Day 35: Lots on my mind. As the days go by, I find that it is important for me to remember the stories of decades of struggling. Like the time that I was using our credit card for some acting out purpose and the credit card company - didnt recognize these types of charges as part of our usual profile - called my wife. My wife, didnt recognize the charges and assured the cc company that our card was for sure stolen. I will never forget the humiliation of having to explain to her that the card was not stolen. Or, maybe it was, but by me. ouch ouch ouch. I never want to go through something like that again.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 14 Mar 2016 19:31 #281290

shlomo24
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realsimcha wrote on 14 Mar 2016 15:57:

It's funny how i can forget those moments. Totally relate.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 14 Mar 2016 19:34 #281291

doingtshuva
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realsimcha wrote on 14 Mar 2016 15:57:

It sounds like
כל העובר ...... בסתר נפרעים ממנו בגלוי
Maybe the credit card company was the right shileach.

Is your wife supporting you now days ?
Hatzluche

* NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!
* I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.
* Being curios made me lust and get into trouble.
אָמַר רבי יוחנן: אֵבֶר קָטָן יֵשׁ לוֹ לָאָדָם, מַרְעִיבוֹ = שָׂבֵעַ, מַשְׂבִּיעוֹ = רָעֵב

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Re: I thought I can do this alone. 14 Mar 2016 22:23 #281302

realsimcha
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doingtshuva wrote on 14 Mar 2016 19:34:

realsimcha wrote on 14 Mar 2016 15:57:

It sounds like
כל העובר ...... בסתר נפרעים ממנו בגלוי
Maybe the credit card company was the right shileach.

Is your wife supporting you now days ?
Hatzluche

it sure is נפרעים ממנו בגלוי! BH my sife is supportive in this struggle. Thanks for your chizuk.