I just came off of a beautiful Rosh Hashanah. I felt like I was on a spiritual high and then as soon as Rosh Hashanah ended I cracked. Does anyone have any insight?

Welcome brother - Happy New Year!

Sorry to hear about the crack. Read some dov quotes - I think he talks about this

Keep us posted

welcome
 maybe the soton is just fighting back really hard - we know that the more kedusha the more Tumah ...  Just keep in mind that now Hashem is very close and listening so give an extra cry to him!  (and then spend some time on gye... )
hatzlocha 

poiuytrewq wrote on 12 Sep 2018 03:56:

Your experience is very common among serious strugglers, and it was especially challenging for me too... better yet it was a demoralizing and hopeless phenomenon for me... feeling that I was so high and so close to Hashem and then BOOM - only to spiral completely out of control as if Elul and Tishrei occurred 10 months ago, not 10 days ago or 10 hours (minutes) ago. This happened to me year after year.
Now being part of a mostly frum live meeting in SA, I've noticed how prevalent it is that people relapse after Yomim Tovim.

So today I avoid getting too high on yiddishkeit because I just don't have a good parachute to land safely back down. Your problem is that you are like the cartoons with people attached to a propelled rocket that runs out of fuel mid-air and suddenly everyone is crashing down from the sky. In cartoons they usually end up ok but in real life it hurts! And what do we do when we feel we're missing something or something hurts us - we turn to our drug to numb out the pain, hence the vicious cycle continues...

In a 12 step program we are seriously doing teshuva and growing spiritually on a daily basis so Elul/Tishrei is no different but regardless try to treat these days as "regular" days and don't get too high on the avodas hayom. Hashem wants you to stay clean above anything else so try this method and see how it goes. Maybe in a few years down the road you'll get back to that intensity when you can handle it but for now just keep it even keeled. 

All the best,
G4L

  I just came off of a beautiful Rosh Hashanah. I felt like I was on a spiritual high and then as soon as Rosh Hashanah ended I cracked. Does anyone have any insight?I don't know you, but I can tell you what that would mean if it happened to me: I would be motivated to be frum because I believe that frum people are more worthwhile. By the same token people who are not frum, or frum people who desire p*** are sh*t. Since I like p*** this means I can only exist if my desire is irresisitible, because it's not my fault and this way I still deserve to live. In short, what seems to me like a spiritual high is me stroking myself, and it's rooted in the same philosophy that makes the desire for p*** irresistible. This is all figured out automatically by my brain, not consciously.

mzl wrote on 12 Sep 2018 09:25:


Your quotes got a little messed up.

My conscious mind had a hard time processing your logic. I think the fallacy lies in the sentence, "Frum people who desire p*** are sh*t."
I consider myself frum and I desire porn, but with Hashem's help the desire is manageable.
Regarding deserving to live. I don't think I deserve anything. It is with the great mercy of Hashem thst he grants me the gift of life.

Hatzlocha

lionking wrote on 12 Sep 2018 11:41:

You just proved my point. Without new behaviors (like asking Hashem for help) it's not manageable.

When it's a choice of eating lobster or not you don't need to use any unusual behaviors like surrender.

Telling me?, i was in the same situation when i got here, it was a week before pesach, and right after pesach, actually motsa pesach i had my first huge fall after being clean for my first ever 2 weeks clean, oh was i down and depressed, but you know what, that fall was my ירידה לצורך עליה, it was a must in order to get where i am now, so brother, just dont look back on your current and your past, just march ahead, like on a battlefield, you cant look back, because it will hurt you, just move forward and you will be ok, 
im talking from experience....... 
also, stay around, you cant imagin the support you will get here, it will help you tons..

  I just came off of a beautiful Rosh Hashanah. I felt like I was on a spiritual high and then as soon as Rosh Hashanah ended I cracked. Does anyone have any insight?This is a very common occurrence. Many of us here do not have the skill of regulating our emotions in a healthy manner. We trained ourselves to take all that built up high/euphoria/dveikus and release it all by masturbating. We have to give ourselves other tools. Secondly, when a yom tov leaves, we find people are generally more anxious (see Aruch Hashulchan who says on Motzai Shabbos, the body senses the loss of the neshomo yeseira and becomes uneasy), and spiritually vulnerable. Prepare yourself, say a tfilah to Hashem and iyh you will be fine.