Hi all,

I've been involved with P, M and everything else you can think of. I started this at 12, and now I'm 24. I've tried many many things to stop for over 10 years, and nothing has worked.

I recently realized something massive in my life. I am an addict. I've never thought about it or looked at myself like that. but I've probably been an addict since a few months after doing all this stuff at the age of 12.

Why is this so important to me? well, this has changed my approach to dealing with this. I thought about an alcoholic and imagined, what if an alcoholic walked around with alcohol in his pocket, hand, or even had some in his bedroom. What are the chances he will fall?? I would think 1000%. There's no way an addict will have a drug in his hand and not consume it, if not today then tomorrow.

I've taken the same approach. I've looked into the mirror and acknowledged and said out loud that I am an addict. Every time I fall, I cut that item that made me fall out of my life completely. No matter the cost or the inconvenience. I'm an addict and I can't have the drug in my hand to win. I need it out of my life. 

This is ​the first time in my life I feel free even though I still fall, I attack the fall, whatever the trigger is and I completely obliterate it. I destroy the battle for the future, so it never comes back to attack me in that way ever again.

I encourage you all to try this. every time you fall, ask yourself, what has caused me to fall? if it was a certain website, pic, magazine, your phone, the whole internet, completely block it and destroy it in a way that it is never accessible again, no matter the cost or inconvenience. As you continue your journey, you will realize that your battle will be much more tolerable because you don't have the drug in your hand.

I'm at a point in my life where my eyes are getting cleaned by removing any physical tests that come into my life. My challenge now is to clean my head. Even though the physical things have been destroyed and removed from my existence, I still can pull up images and memories of inappropriate things in my mind. I started dealing with this by keeping myself busy, whenever a thought comes to mind.

​I'm so happy that I've implemented this in my life. This is the first time I feel happy, confident, stress free, and not depressed since I've started with my addiction at the age of 12. I feel as happy as I was when I was a little boy!!!!  I don't care about any of the inconvenience this has caused by blocking almost every website app or anything else that has caused me to fall in even the smallest way. Being sober is my goal and I will pay any price to be free!!!!

I hope this helps! Good luck to all! And may GD be with you!

Welcome, that's great to hear - lots of courage and strength to make that assertion and to act upon it.
Wishin' you continued success.

I am much older than you and I realized later in life that I am an addict. I don't know if you are or aren't, but i can tell you that for me, no matter what I physically removed from my ability to act out - that was never enough. Until I worked a serious program that made a positive affect on my insides and my bein'.

Godspeed to you

What was the program?

Jeff098 wrote on 22 Oct 2023 01:45:

I went to SA meetin's for over a year.
I went thru the white book, big book and step into action books over and over again - on the phone with many participants.
I went to a sex therapist.
I spoke to real live people - the kind where you can actually see them, touch them, etc.

T'wasn't easy - was a hell of a lot of fun though.

Jeff098 wrote on 22 Oct 2023 01:32:

congratulations on finding something that works for you and for taking the time to share all of this. 

How long have you been clean using this method?  

What if someone is triggered by things they cannot obliterate?

thanks so much
vehkam

First off, Congrats on your progress. That is amazing! I felt that I had to comment on your approach. If a drug addict had his pockets full of cocaine, what are the chances he would stay away from it? Slim to none! That is sooooooo true... That is the way I feel about my smartphone. I am also an addict and I have that proverbial  loaded gun in my pocket everyday... If I take your approach that the next time I fall and the phone is the weapon, than the phone must go. "regardless of the inconvenience or cost". If it is the iPad or Laptop.. they go as well. So if I want to keep these devices to use for positive and real reasons, than I must not use them for filth.  I love that approach. 

One and Done! You screw me up and you become dead to me! 

Thank you so much and continued success 

So basically all are in agreement that this is something that should be done, even though it's not enough on its own.

Sounds awesome, I love the approach!

As Cordnoy and Vehkam are referring to, it is great to get rid of the pitfalls, that is a critical firststep.

The next step would be to build up your strength, your defenses, your warrior attitude, for the times you may inadvertently bump into a trigger or pitfall. You will be prepared to slay and conquer!

Very True.. If I get rid of my phone, computer, iPad etc... Will that save me or will I just find another vehicle to fuel my fall? Need to build up myself! Great point.

Ull end up buying a new 1 in a week or 2

If you constantly remind yourself why you dont have the devices, and you embrace the fact that you dont want or need them, you could do it. It might be an extreme step so think it through long and hard. If you feel that you cant do it, there's no shame in that. But figure out a plan

Hey, I also recently started having that same view in my head and also found it very helpful. It makes it easier in a way once I started calling myself an addict to totally clear things out and also be ready to give so much more to pass different tests (taking time off of seder to exercise).
Great ideas and great chizuk, thanks!

Iwannabegood wrote on 23 Oct 2023 14:05:

I have been down that road many times. I sell or throw away a device out of shame and guilt and once that passes, I run to the store and get another one. Maybe someday it will stick..... You have to keep trying 

I used to M and p at least once a day, a lot of days like 2-3 times a day, some times would literally spend a whole day watching and M all day till I couldn't for the day. I did this since I was 12. I've started this approach about 4 months ago.  So it takes some time to knock out everything.

I've been free from P for a few months now, Bec I have absolutely no way to get to it. Regarding M, it's very tricky because I can M to any picture on any website. so what I do is any time I M, I take that item and make sure I never have access to it again. I have removed all access to Internet search from all my devices except for the one I'm using right now which is almost completely blocked. 

To your question about things you can't obliterate. So for me whatever the cost, loss, or inconvenience is I don't care I completely remove it. so I haven't had anything yet I couldn't get rid of. 

​As an addict, I need to completely remove myself so I can stay sober and start my healing process.

I'd like to share an amazing story that happened to me last night. I had a dream about doing the act and knew in the dream that it would be a wet dream. I woke up and said to myself, no I'm not feeding the satan my seed and controlled myself and went back to sleep.

​I can promise you I don't know where this power came from, I never ever had this self control. I believe it's help from GD along with my part of tackling this the right way.

Hi brother. You’re doing good.

How about we do a live session right here right now?

No more C and P and M

Say with me
“Cornongraphy” (hardcore of course)
“Pornography”
“Masturbation”

How did that feel?
Not too bad. Ok great!