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On the way... Again
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: On the way... Again 6555 Views

On the way... Again 26 Jul 2023 16:54 #399197

  • hopefulposek
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Hi everyone,
I made it to 90 days once before and then had a fall shortly after. I have made several attempts since then but have not been successful. I'm hoping that starting this thread where I will post updates and insights throughout this journey will help me stay motivated and grounded. Any chizuk or advice in response to the updates my journey would help me on the way. Thanks everyone for being such a supportive community.
"Greatness is forged in battle" - Reb Yerucham Levovitz
My Journey - https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/399197-On-the-way-Again
Feel Free to Reach out to me through email at hopefulposek613@gmail.com
Or my google voice at 3476447501

Re: On the way... Again 26 Jul 2023 18:19 #399199

  • Captain
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Wishing you much success! You might try to add some daily motivation to keep you strong. Some ideas are below in my signature.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Re: On the way... Again 26 Jul 2023 19:10 #399201

On the way again. That reminds me of that song...

Come on and ride the train.
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.

Father, help me live sober Today.

Re: On the way... Again 26 Jul 2023 20:15 #399202

yes a big reminder

Re: On the way... Again 27 Jul 2023 20:29 #399216

  • hopefulposek
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I realize I probably should have put in my initial post some of the things strategies I use to help myself along the way. Hopefully others will find some of these useful also and people can comment on them also to give me extra tips:
1) I text DAILY a Rebbe I am close with how my day was (including whether I had a fall and any slips/triggers/successes that occurred.) We also meet weekly to discuss the struggle and and particular issues or victories I had that week.
2) Getting rid of all internet access in the house. I realize this isn't always practical and me and my wife definitely gave up a lot of conveniences for this one but it makes a huge difference. If we ever need to access the web it's done out of the house either at a public place (library, Starbucks) or my in laws, makes it hard to have indecent stuff on your screen with your mother in law in the room
3) on the laptop we use to access the internet we got a super good filter (Techloq) which has a skin filter and even though of course it's not %1000 fool proof, I felt it helped me a lot.
4) I set small goals similar to the different levels in the 90 day chart and pick up a little treat for those days. I try to get it in advance so it's there enticing me to push forward.
5) Recently started this, making a point to kiss the mezuzah before I walk outside and to send up a quick prayer. I feel it helps me recalibrate to the fact that I'm about to walk into a battlefield and gotta keep my head on straight and my eyes averted.
6) I found that being part of a program and progressing through different courses helped me stay motivated because I felt like I was moving forward from the continuous chizuk and the education. After finishing F2F I felt like I lost this tool and it made a difference so I started the GYE+ courses (Fortify) and it's helping me keep on board.
7) Going to sleep earlier. Being tired is a big trigger/cause for me to act out so I started working a lot on my sleep: getting to bed WAY earlier, creating a bedtime routine to get by body ready to shluff, not drinking coffee in the afternoon and exercising. Also I feel like I am less likely to fall when my wife is up and about so going to bed earlier helped make that happen.

OK, that's what I got so far, please keep sending more ideas and chizuk, thanks so much!
"Greatness is forged in battle" - Reb Yerucham Levovitz
My Journey - https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/399197-On-the-way-Again
Feel Free to Reach out to me through email at hopefulposek613@gmail.com
Or my google voice at 3476447501

Re: On the way... Again 03 Aug 2023 21:09 #399470

  • hopefulposek
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Hi, sorry for the couple days of AWOL, i went on a business trip and wasn't able to check in until now. 
Unfortunately I had a pretty big fall last night, was staying in a hotel by myself and had brought along a smartphone to help with the travel (though that was the excuse i used I think that it probably came from bad intentions and being very blunt and honest with myself initially could have helped avoid that). 
My plan for dealing with this challenge was a bit like a negotiation: I really like watching tv though I don't watch anymore I felt the temptation would be difficult for me and if I spent my energies fighting that battle it would make it harder to not turn to P and M. Therefore, I decided I would watch a tv show and even if I would get triggered I would do some breathing exercises and keep watching the show in order to not turn to P and M.
The problem was I got bored of the show very quickly (I forgot how many commercials there are on tv) and almost out of boredom fell down the very steep rabbit hole.
Things I learned from this loss:
1) When considering entering a "dangerous" situation, be very blunt and honest with yourself: Do you really need to go there? are you just trying to fall?
2) Have a more detailed plan of what to do. Simply "watch tv" to avoid boredom was to vague, it would have been better to have a few different shows that I enjoy and look through the tv guide first. Also should have added in other activities and a bedtime.
3) Nighttime is particularly challenging for me. Going to sleep early is much more beneficial than trying to entertain myself throughout the night.
4) Have a fallback plan in case the first doesn't work out for some reason (as happened here). I should have thought out that if the tv isn't working I would watch youtube videos which could accomplish the same goal.
5) before a challenging situation, get chizuk and refocus. call up the gye or vayimain hotlines and review your plan and basic toolbox in your head.
IY"H with this new vantage point I hope the campaign gets some momentum and I will win the next battle in this long and tremendous war.

Also, I had bought a nice bottle of wine before the trip to reward myself after I get home if i don't have any falls. What do I use it for now? thoughts?
"Greatness is forged in battle" - Reb Yerucham Levovitz
My Journey - https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/399197-On-the-way-Again
Feel Free to Reach out to me through email at hopefulposek613@gmail.com
Or my google voice at 3476447501

Re: On the way... Again 03 Aug 2023 21:27 #399471

  • yitzchokm
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The bottle of wine, at least for now, can be put on the shelf as a good reminder that we have to be cognizant of the potential dangers so we don't fall. Don't turn it into an idol for the long term. At some point drink it for the success you made, perhaps when reaching a milestone that you can see as your current goal.
Last Edit: 03 Aug 2023 21:44 by yitzchokm.

Re: On the way... Again 08 Aug 2023 19:04 #399616

  • hopefulposek
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Hi, 
So now onto day 5, so far so good. just cruising now. B"h no real challenges since I got back, but I do have a to-do list:
1. Block or get rid of my wife's old I-phone which is right now the biggest challenge I'm facing.
That's all. One simple step that for some reason has been so elusive.
Decided if I make it to a full week I'm gonna get sushi for lunch as a treat.
Onwards we march!
"Greatness is forged in battle" - Reb Yerucham Levovitz
My Journey - https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/399197-On-the-way-Again
Feel Free to Reach out to me through email at hopefulposek613@gmail.com
Or my google voice at 3476447501

Re: On the way... Again 14 Aug 2023 15:35 #399836

  • hopefulposek
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Hi again,
Nearing the 2 week mark, B"H things are going well so far but I feel like I see the storm clouds gathering on the horizon.
Big Win: I asked my wife to put a new code on her smartphone! Really hoping this will be a key turning point for me.
"Greatness is forged in battle" - Reb Yerucham Levovitz
My Journey - https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/399197-On-the-way-Again
Feel Free to Reach out to me through email at hopefulposek613@gmail.com
Or my google voice at 3476447501

Re: On the way... Again 15 Aug 2023 09:20 #399861

  • misgaber96
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Hi,
Something that addicts understand it HALT Hungry Angry Lonely Tired:
When I experience these I feel more vulnerable to acting out.
If I am lonely I make sure to call someone that knows about my struggle.
I am in SA so this is easy.
Calling ones wife is another way. Or just calling someone.
I have people from overseas I can call from SA.
I know if I was in a hotel I would have to make multiple calls.
I have a boundary list that I can't go on TV on my own, others don't allow past a certain time. boundaries are person dependent. I know for example access on a smartphone triggers a lust drive but I know someone who has full access but has full control as he knows what lust will do to him if he succumbs. 
Basically if I feel venerable I share, that way I learn, and that way I am safer.
All the best

Re: On the way... Again 15 Aug 2023 19:04 #399872

  • hopefulposek
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OK on day 12, things still going well. B"H I've been getting better about going to sleep much earlier which has helped a lot as I realized night times were an area of struggle. I also started getting up earlier to relax, have some quiet time and learn a bit before the day starts. 
I started a new personal project, not really connected to the fight, but something to invest my energies in: learning to lein the megillah. I wanted to do it last year but didn't end up putting enough time into it, IY"H this year will be different and I'm hoping that the feeling of accomplishment will help me in the fight.
Thanks everyone for following along my journey!
"Greatness is forged in battle" - Reb Yerucham Levovitz
My Journey - https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/399197-On-the-way-Again
Feel Free to Reach out to me through email at hopefulposek613@gmail.com
Or my google voice at 3476447501

Re: On the way... Again 15 Aug 2023 19:42 #399876

  • redfaced
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Good luck  on your project .

Sounds like an excellent idea to prevent you from needing escapism  
May you slide down the banister of happiness and get many splinters of success up your career

Feel free to send me an owl, a howler, or even a Crumple-Horned Snorkack to Iamredfaced@gmail.com


The Red Face
Last Edit: 15 Aug 2023 19:44 by redfaced.

Re: On the way... Again 16 Aug 2023 06:44 #399921

  • misgaber96
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Sounds good keep sharing with us

Re: On the way... Again 17 Aug 2023 17:50 #400032

  • hopefulposek
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Yay! Made it to 2 weeks!
Thanks everyone for the support and following along. IY"H I'm hoping that once the zman starts up and I get busier things will get easier.
"Greatness is forged in battle" - Reb Yerucham Levovitz
My Journey - https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/399197-On-the-way-Again
Feel Free to Reach out to me through email at hopefulposek613@gmail.com
Or my google voice at 3476447501

Re: On the way... Again 21 Aug 2023 18:37 #400189

  • hopefulposek
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So the zman started again, I guess it makes some things easier since I'm busy the whole day.
I'm having trouble keeping up with some of the activities I was able to do over the summer which I felt were helping me such as: checking in on GYE regularly, jogging, going to sleep early. I am deciding that instead of spending more time learning I'm going to use my time to try to keep up with these different activities. Right now I feel it will help my zman more if I progress in working on this issue more than the extra couple hours of learning.
"Greatness is forged in battle" - Reb Yerucham Levovitz
My Journey - https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/399197-On-the-way-Again
Feel Free to Reach out to me through email at hopefulposek613@gmail.com
Or my google voice at 3476447501
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