cordnoy wrote on 23 Jan 2022 03:07:

I see one of our friends tagged the pasuk on your post with “שבע יפול צדיק וקם”. Hmm 

I usually feel so knocked down when I fall and the only way to feel good again is to masturbate  to get that good feeling and then i have that low again so I need to have a good feeling so I masturbate again....
Its a vicious cycle that I need to break.
I definitely have an addiction issue that runs deeper than your typical shmiras einayim nisoyon. Its more of a  imotional  trigger

Lost In Search wrote on 16 Jan 2022 22:41:

Wow I couldn't have expressed it about myself any better. exactly my situation. thanks for putting it into words.

Lost In Search wrote on 23 Jan 2022 13:21:

it can be an impulsive thing... where you keep looking for that high from something that cant live up! it's interesting I would love it if you can notice during such times, what's more exciting.. masturbation itself and the relief? or the thought and erotic adventure thinking that this masturbation is gonna feel like paradise!?!? we take it and blow it up so big... which leads to a low cuz when were done round 1 we realize it wasn't paradise after all! which leads to another masturbation with the same distortion... it can be very beneficial to build clarity on why you don't wanna turn to masturbation anymore.. and the more you truly understand that masturbation won't live up the easier the fight will be! hatzlacha!

Shtarkandemotional wrote on 23 Jan 2022 17:52:

there are many reasons why people struggle with masturbation, figuring out the mindset distortions that you see are making your battle more intense is the first step to breaking free! after you find all of them you can work against them by building a real clarity and turning it into a daily motivation against these mindsets that puts you in the hole... for example, i struggled with masturbation every week... i took a deep look and realized part of my issue is that I need a relief and my brain connected relief with masturbation.. so the opposite of that is building clarity and constant motivation of realizing that i don't need to make masturbation my pacifier.. bottom line is when we understand why our minds are turning us there we can often pinpoint the distortions from there!  

We are all unique and have our own set of issues. However,with some adaptations I really relate to what you have written on this thread.
Thank you very much for writing it out so clearly.

cordnoy wrote on 23 Jan 2022 03:07:

Just stumbled across this and laughed out loud.

I want to write a update

I had a fall two nights ago, I went online to look up sex education and toys to try out with my wife. while I was online I got turned on by what I saw and continued exploring not for the purpose of using what I learn with my wife. Later that night I felt guilty for what I did earlier on and felt depressed so I  went online to view women and ended up masturbating 3 times.

On a positive note, I installed today windows 11 and the computer rebooted and the filter that i have and the webchaver was removed. When I realised what happened I went and reinstalled the webchaver without looking at any porn.

I have a dilemma
I spoke to dov, who runs the sa meetings for gye and he recommended that I start sa meetings in person.
That is very hard for me. My wife doesnt know about my struggle and if I go to sa then she will probally find out.
If I don't go I will probally stay an addict.
I am a private and shy person by nature so going there is hard.

Lost In Search wrote on 26 Jan 2022 11:55:

i went to sa w/o my wife knowing.

Trouble wrote on 26 Jan 2022 14:30:

Thanks.
I will as well go to sa without my wife knowing

Reb Yid,
your struggle seems so familiar. I've been going through this for a while now.

I have access to a dozen unfilered devices around my house. (Interesting family situation... don't ask).
I once believed that if I just got some type of filter on most of them, I would be safe to go on my merry way.

I then learned otherwise the hard way.
Filters are a great tool to limit the unwanted cues which come your way, but they won't do anything to calm the desires within you.

"You" who made up so strongly last night not to ever fall again, is the same "you" today who is craving to act out, therefore rendering last nights resolution useless. 

Without an actual reason and conviction to quit these bad behaviors, the filters aren't going to help. 
When we're "out for the kill" we'll get what we're looking for eventually, regardless of what type of external shmiros we have. 

I started the Flight to Freedom program from GYE. This is the first time ever that I feel confident about changing. 
Today is my 17th consecutive day clean from P&M.
I never got even close to this- even after I had filters installed. 

When you understand the why's and how's of our desires, its possible to change. 
To rely just on filters won't go very far. 
There will always be a way around it, and at a weak moment you'll undoubtedly do what you so want to stay away from.

EretzYisroel wrote on 28 Jan 2022 00:06:

Yup I learnt that a long time ago. I had filters on my devices for years but always got around them.
I recently installed webchaver on one of my devices and have not had a fall since on that device.
It is a great tool to have someone to be accountable to.
It worked a lot better for me then all the strongest filters out there.( I tried all of them)

I fell again last night.
I feel miserable. I have 2 devices that I have access to. One of them has webchaver and have not fell since I installed it around 2 weeks ago. On the other device I have a filter from netspark that I always fall through. I am trying to install webchaver but I first need to uninstall netspark and tag doesnt want to uninstall it untill I come in  to their office in person. but I can not come in now for personal reasons. I am trying to get to the tag office to be able to uninstall the netspark and install the webchaver. For the time being I made a neder not to touch my device thsat doesnt have webchaver untill I get to tag to make the neccesary changes.
​I will succeed and I have no doubt 

Lost In Search wrote on 30 Jan 2022 09:25:

You wrote: "​I will succeed and I have no doubt"
The fact is that you ARE succeeding! 
Hashem knows exactly how difficult it's for you and the effort is what counts. You're waging a tough battle, there will always be losses and wins. Keep your focus on the end goal, to WIN the war by never giving up...