Hi everyone, I want to share my struggle to get some  support and love from my brothers out there.
I had today a really rough day. Masturbated a few times and viewed Pornographic material for quite a few hours today.
 It always starts with going on YouTube or Netflix  to watch "kosher" entertainment to get that high feeling and that can go for hours. But when that doesn't give me enough of a high then I have to switch over to the sexual stuff.
I blocked Netflix and YouTube on my filter so many times but then when I am going through a rough patch and need the high I contact the filter admin to change the settings.
And the lingerie setting as well I open when I'm going through a rough patch and don't have the control to stop.
Hashem please help me stay clean!
I want to be a clean Jew and not to live a double life from you and my wife.
Thanks everyone for listening in.

Great first post. Have you tried webchaver?

Hello brother. 
I hope that you gave read through some of the forum to instill in yourself that you can do this!

I encourage you to connect with people here. Connections and accountability are strong tools. 

it is possible that planning in advance for what to do in when you are bored May help you avoid The type of behaviors that seems to get you into trouble.  

always remember that as long as you are fighting this struggle you are giving Hashem nachas.  Never judge yourself by your fails, that is just another tactic of the yetzer hara. 

I have to realise that I have an addictive personality so for most people if they want a little entertainment so they'll go on YouTube or Netflix and they can be on it for however long they decided to be on and then it's done.
me on the other hand when I get in front of a screen and go on YouTube to chill i feel like a 14 year old teenager who's been exposed to YouTube the 1st time and gets so excited.
So when i go to chill online even if i decide to be there only for 30 min its way to exciting to try stopping and then the next thing i know is that I just stayed up for 3 hours in middle of the night watching YouTube.
And usually at that stage I'm feeling all guilty why I wasted so many hours on nothing and thats when i start craving the sexual entertainment and that always has a bad enending.
I know that i have to be off the internet cold turkey for any entertainment reasons and not to use internet other than for practical and necessary reasons.
and youtube as well I have to quit cold terky eveven if its to watch kosher stuff.

Hi there, that does sound like a rough day and we are here for you. Remember that the moments where you feel the lowest are the greatest opportunities for growth. When you pull yourself back up in times like that you redefine who you are, and you reach new levels you were not at previously. I agree with HHM's suggestion, Webchaver has been an essential tool for me. You've got this!

A big part of winning this struggle, is building the clarity that it isn’t what we want. And secondly, distancing ourselves from the struggle.. if someone is fasting for days and they’re in front of food that’ll give them a stomach ache..,eventually they’ll succumb… despite the fact that they can’t live without food. (Forget that for a second) even if it was possible to live without food. They’d succumb after some time… cuz when it’s in front of us we forget the clarity that it’s worth it to stay hungry and not eat and suffer the ache after… so there’s two things to build and work on, 
1) building the clarity on why you don’t wanna fall! (If you don’t know why you wanna stop with a clear clarity then it’s non realistic to expect success your fighting a losing battle.) 
2) removing the triggers, as to not drive the temptation to a high level!  

“Tried everything”

Shmuel - has a struggle with porn.. he gets triggered and falls every now and then… he can’t seem to overcome this struggle.

Yehuda- a supportive friend.

This is a conversation that took place between shmuel and Yehuda..

shmuel- “I keep falling I’m so depressed I can’t do this anymore”

Yehuda- “it’s never too late keep trying”

Shmuel- “but I tried everything nothing seems to work”

Yehuda- “wow that must be so hard”

A couple hours later…

Shmuel- “I think I can do this..”

Yehuda- “wow! So nice what will you do differently”?!

Shmuel- “I’m gonna get a stronger filter”

Yehuda- “but this is your 6th time doing that.”

Shmuel- “yea but maybe this time it’ll work”

Yehuda - “if someone gave you 1 million dollars if you stop watching porn for the next 365 days… is that all you would put in place to make sure you don’t fall?”

Shmuel- speechless.

Yehuda- that’s how you know if a plan has a good chance… that’s how you know when you tried…

Shmuel- hmm…

Yehuda- is suffering from porn with all the misery for years worth less then 1 million dollars?

Shmuel- no, way more then a million.. the pain is so way more intense…

Yehuda- if for a million dollars you’d do a lot more then the above plan…to take someone out of the deep ocean to happy free person shouldn’t we Forsure do the same?

Lesson is -

Guys, you know when you tried- if you were to get 1 million dollars if this plan succeeds for 365 days.. would the plan just be a better filter?

Or…….

would it be a clear concise plan that blocks every trigger, every possible thing that can lead to a fall, a plan on how to be maintain a long term clarity and motivation why you wanna stay clean… a plan that could seem to work regardless of the mood your in that day! Regardless if it’s day 10 or 100 or 1000 or 10,000.

Lastly, remember! We’re here for you! And stopping forever always started at some point! Wishing you a lot of hatzlacha in your journey. 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 16 Jan 2022 12:29:

I am a webchaver for several others; I look at the reports several times a week. I'm kinda gettin' bored of seein' screen shots of ny times articles on COVID, wsj news on Putin and Ukraine, YouTube of 13 year old Belgian singer, ESPN link to Larry Bird's Celtics, so if you choose me, please push the envelope.

Lol. Funny post!

Wow that was a powerful post.
So true that we can all make up excuses but if we are honest with ourselves we will see that there's still some more that is in my control that can make it an easier struggle

I made a decision today to add webchaver to my device. I already have teqlock on my device but i always find a way to get around it.( for example to open the lingerie setting by giving my passcode or by using youtube to search and bypass filter). I have lost way too many times already to my temptation to watch shmutz and masturbate and I don't want to keep on losing so I'm hoping that with a webchaver it will make it easier to control myself.
Pischi li pesach kchido shel machat vani eftach lochem.....
One step in the right direction...
A big shoutout to "hashem help me" for giving me the idea to install webchaver and another big shoutout to "cordnoy" for offering to be my webchaver.

Lost In Search wrote on 16 Jan 2022 22:41:

I'm not sure if I have have an addictive personality or not, (if I do, it's only in the area of seeking to satisfy sexual urges, and not other areas, so I kind of doubt it) but I could say the exact same thing about myself, and many others here would too. It's normal. And many have been able to learn how to deal with it, and stay clean. I know before I joined GYE I thought I was the only one with my unique pulls and powerful urges. With years of habit building and feeding the monster, we've taught ourselves to seek these things as an escape from out negative feelings. Realize it's "just" an urge that is normal. And if you don't act on it, it will go away, but if you do act on it and feed it, it will only stick around and grow. Also, the voice that goes with the urge says you must feed it, you must find something to see, to watch, etc. and it continues demanding more. It's just a sweet-talking tactic of the Yetzer Hora, and is completely false.

HI everyone I want to keep the oilam updated on my situation.
I installed a webchaver on my computer a few days ago and since then havn't used my computer for porn bh. The issue is my wifes phone wich has another filter already thats not compatible with webchaver so i can't install webchaver for now on it until i get tag to remove the other filter.
So last night i went on incognito mode with haer phone for a few hours  and masturbated around 7 times. 
Since I joined gye last week I am on the right track and will beh stop completely all the schmutz.
P.s. It feels so embarrassing not to have control to not masturbate while using my wifes phone to view other women. 

Lost In Search wrote on 23 Jan 2022 01:48:

7 times in a few hours!!?!

Gibbor atzum!!

You are certainly inspirin' to others. I have trouble doin' 7 times in a few weeks!