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Starting Again...
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Starting Again... 6319 Views

Re: Starting Again... 30 Aug 2021 22:30 #372025

  • Sapy
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Welcome back Lou! (I hope I never hurt you in any way, if I did please forgive me, It wasnt ch"v intended)

To your question, Hashem never ever stops loving us, and wanting to bring us back, hes our father weather we feel it or not, when he sees us in the mud, he wants to wash us and take us back. We will say in a few days, ועד יום מותו תחכה לו, אם ישיב מיד תקבלו hashem is 'waiting' for us, he is מחכה! And that is even for a baal aveira, and forsure people like us who really wanna be good, and are working hard, and broken by our falls.

Lou, the Yetzer Horeh, sees your taking steps to get better, and hes trying to break you so that you shouldn't succeed, let's not be fooled, and lets not be broken, if we will be busy with charata etc, we wont be able to do azivas hachaat. It's our job to believe in ourselves and keep our spirit high, because we all know that depression and sadness, and feeling bad with ourselves, leads us to just act out again...

I honestly wrote this for myself too, as I fell last night and today, and really felt bad....

Hope your here to stay now, we missed you!

Re: Starting Again... 30 Aug 2021 22:34 #372026

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I don’t know if you want me throwing quotes from Tanya at you, but I think this quote speaks directly to your quandary:

ומה שמשבחים ומברכים את ה': "חנון המרבה לסלוח", "המרבה" דייקא, וכמו שכתוב בעזרא: "ורב לסלוח", דהיינו שבמידת בשר ודם, אם יחטא איש לאיש וביקש ממנו מחילה ומחל לו ואחר כך חזר לסורו, קשה מאד שימחול לו שנית, ומכל שכן בשלישית ורביעית. אבל במידת הקב"ה אין הפרש בין פעם אחת לאלף פעמים, כי המחילה היא ממידת הרחמים, ומידותיו הקדושות אינן בבחינת גבול ותכלית אלא בבחינת אין סוף, כמו שכתוב: "כי לא כלו רחמיו", ולגבי בחינת אין סוף אין הפרש כלל בין מספר קטן לגדול, דכולא קמיה כלא ממש חשיב, ומשווה קטן וגדול וכו'. ולכן מעביר אשמותינו בכל שנה ושנה, וכל החטאים שמתוודים ב"על חטא" מידי שנה, אף שחזר ועבר עליהם – חוזר ומתוודה עליהם ביום הכיפורים בשנה הבאה, וכן לעולם. ובכל שנה ושנה לאו דווקא, אלא כמו כן בכל יום ויום שלוש פעמים מברכים: "ברוך אתה ה' חנון המרבה לסלוח", וכמאמר רז"ל: תפילה כנגד תמידין תקנוה, ותמיד של שחר היה מכפר על עבירות הלילה, ותמיד של בין הערביים על של יום, וכן מידי יום ביום לעולם.

(תניא חלק ג׳ פרק י״א)

For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Last Edit: 30 Aug 2021 22:35 by OivedElokim.

Re: Starting Again... 30 Aug 2021 22:39 #372027

  • mggsbms
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Wow a fascinating Tanye. I just heard from a world famous baal tshuva that this  piece of Tanye set him on the path to Teshuva.
Aka -  Mischadeish075

Re: Starting Again... 30 Aug 2021 22:58 #372032

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Look at it as an illness, not as evil.  You are a good man Lou. If not, you wouldn't be posting here.  

When we get caught up in desperate searching, we are toasted - it's almost impossible to stop. The kuntz is to stop before that point. Next time you feel it creeping up on you, call a chaver....
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Starting Again... 31 Aug 2021 19:05 #372067

  • YeshivaGuy
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Lou wrote on 30 Aug 2021 22:07:

Now, I know Hashem is an all merciful father that loves us more than we can comprehend,but still in rational thinking is there any hope for me?? If I beg Hashem to help and He does and then I completely ignore Him,why should He help me again?? And if He doesn't help me there truly is no hope.
A very dejected Lou

Dearest friend,
It was one Taanis Esther that I had been doing very shver and had such thoughts and emotions.
And then the haftora by mincha was read and I got my answer.
I hope it can be of some chizzuk to you:
יעזוב רשע דרכו ואיש און מחשבותיו
וישב אל ה׳ וירחמהו ואל אלקינו כי ירבה לסלוח-  When one returns to HaShem and calls out to Him, even the name of Din becomes rachamim.
And then: HaShem addresses our question:
כי לא מחשבותי מחשבותיכם ולא דרכיכם דרכי- This is the answer. The concept of Teshuva, of Hashems Rachamim defies logic. There is no “rational” understanding to it.
It is a chidush and the greatest gift given to Man.
And continue looking at the subsequent pesukim there as HaShem explains further, in detail.

Note: I think upon telling this pshat to someone, I was told it was said by the last Lubavitcher Rebbe. Baruch Shekivanti.

Hatzlocha buddy, and stay in touch.

YeshivaGuy
Last Edit: 31 Aug 2021 19:58 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Starting Again... 02 Sep 2021 07:04 #372129

  • Lou
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Thank you very much for the beautiful responses. It means alot to me. BH in a much better place now. Been busy and haven't had a chance to post or respond to private messages much.
Hatzlocha to all                          

Re: Starting Again... 02 Sep 2021 07:49 #372132

  • Taharat Yisrael
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I disagree. I don't think one can make the חילוקים your making. Without any filters or gedarim nearly any healthy man would watch porn. It wouldn't be sick. We're hardwired to seek sexual pleasure. We were built to react to stimuli in that manner. We just have to realize this and take steps in the positive direction.

Re: Starting Again... 03 Sep 2021 13:08 #372173

.
Check out my thread The Easy Peasy Method

Or just read the book. Based on Alan Carr's Easyway.

"All porn ever does is relieve the withdrawal symptoms that it causes, and it ceases to relieve them completely."
Last Edit: 09 Sep 2021 21:45 by ihadstringsbutnowimfree.

Re: Starting Again... 09 Sep 2021 07:02 #372276

  • Lou
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A gut yahr to all!
I must say that so many times I have ideas,questions,happenings etc that come up throughout the day that I tell myself I will post about. However,it doesn't usually happen due to time constraints BH.
I have one question for the oilam that is time based so I had to find the time post it now. This could really be applicable in many areas,not just GYE related but in our case this is where it comes up.I find (maybe some others feel this way too?) that the days of selichos,aseres yemei teshuva etc  are by far the easiest times to keep clean. Yes,there are slips here and there but mostly good times. However,I feel like now is the time is the time to prepare for the day after YK. Now in a moment of clarity,I want to make a system that would work. Any and all ideas are welcome!

Re: Starting Again... 09 Sep 2021 11:19 #372278

  • Markz
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Hi Lou,

Perhaps this can help 
Markz wrote:
Where's the hundreds of new members??

MOAYT
"Missed Opportunity Aseres Yemei Teshuva"

I'm sharing this thought because I see others are having the same thing, what I went thru too for many many many years

As yechidah wrote yesterday, Rosh Hashana is a time of awesome light in the darkness. It uplifts us. 
The problem however is that we put limitations into the measure of light we will allow in

Or from a different angle: Rock bottom is the point of return where guys will take the brave step and do whatever it takes to get real sober, whether with Taphsic that honestly works for them (some try 100 different versions of Taphsic. Brother either it works for you or it doesn't), or opening up with Dov or Cordnoy, or meetings etc...

Many of us with the inspiration of these awesome days say to ourselves on AYT "Ok I'm at rock bottom. My life as a Jew sucks. I'm willing to do whatever it takes". But... It's a catch 22. The inspiration and dread alone which brings the feeling of rockbottom, that itself was sufficient to enable me to stay clean, although a form of white knuckling. Which locked me in a mindset of "why do I need to do anything else for my recovery"

So, many take it halfway. We take the boost Gd gives us to go to full recovery mode which for many means realizing we can't do it on our own, and get out of anonymity - (read the first "dov quote"). 

Instead of that we resort to "white knuckling" which during Elul and AYT is smooth sailing for many. But then the light dims after YK, cause Gd says "I gave you the boost, Now you're on your own", and that is when we are dismayed to learn that we missed a golden opportunity, and it's more difficult to get the push then to get on the road to real recovery, or to realize rock bottom'ing

I was sure that Elul and the AYT is a time of high GYE membership, but it didn't happen, why? I think the answer is as I mentioned, that it's simply easier to white knuckle these days, so "although I was more inspired to get clean these days, I didn't feel the urgency to join GYE"

Current members of GYE can also have similar feelings "I'm sufficiently inspired to be clean at least until YK, who knows what will be after...". And they don't join the real GYE recovery train

Until a short while after YK - days or hours, we realize sadly that we missed the awesome opportunity

G'mar Chasima guys, I hope you feel the light and allow it to shine through the whole year, and share some with us please :-)
My Story---------Dov Quotes




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Last Edit: 09 Sep 2021 11:21 by Markz.

Re: Starting Again... 10 Sep 2021 05:52 #372309

  • Lou
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Markz wrote on 09 Sep 2021 11:19:
Hi Lou,

Perhaps this can help 
Markz wrote:
Where's the hundreds of new members??

MOAYT
"Missed Opportunity Aseres Yemei Teshuva"

I'm sharing this thought because I see others are having the same thing, what I went thru too for many many many years

As yechidah wrote yesterday, Rosh Hashana is a time of awesome light in the darkness. It uplifts us. 
The problem however is that we put limitations into the measure of light we will allow in

Or from a different angle: Rock bottom is the point of return where guys will take the brave step and do whatever it takes to get real sober, whether with Taphsic that honestly works for them (some try 100 different versions of Taphsic. Brother either it works for you or it doesn't), or opening up with Dov or Cordnoy, or meetings etc...

Many of us with the inspiration of these awesome days say to ourselves on AYT "Ok I'm at rock bottom. My life as a Jew sucks. I'm willing to do whatever it takes". But... It's a catch 22. The inspiration and dread alone which brings the feeling of rockbottom, that itself was sufficient to enable me to stay clean, although a form of white knuckling. Which locked me in a mindset of "why do I need to do anything else for my recovery"

So, many take it halfway. We take the boost Gd gives us to go to full recovery mode which for many means realizing we can't do it on our own, and get out of anonymity - (read the first "dov quote"). 

Instead of that we resort to "white knuckling" which during Elul and AYT is smooth sailing for many. But then the light dims after YK, cause Gd says "I gave you the boost, Now you're on your own", and that is when we are dismayed to learn that we missed a golden opportunity, and it's more difficult to get the push then to get on the road to real recovery, or to realize rock bottom'ing

I was sure that Elul and the AYT is a time of high GYE membership, but it didn't happen, why? I think the answer is as I mentioned, that it's simply easier to white knuckle these days, so "although I was more inspired to get clean these days, I didn't feel the urgency to join GYE"

Current members of GYE can also have similar feelings "I'm sufficiently inspired to be clean at least until YK, who knows what will be after...". And they don't join the real GYE recovery train

Until a short while after YK - days or hours, we realize sadly that we missed the awesome opportunity

G'mar Chasima guys, I hope you feel the light and allow it to shine through the whole year, and share some with us please :-)


Thank you for sharing... I am just trying to figure out,was there an eitza in there or just bemoaning the fact that people aren't looking for long term improvement? I can sometimes miss things stated in a post so I wanted to double check.
Thanks

Re: Starting Again... 10 Sep 2021 08:20 #372315

  • wilnevergiveup
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Lou wrote on 10 Sep 2021 05:52:

Markz wrote on 09 Sep 2021 11:19:
Hi Lou,

Perhaps this can help 
Markz wrote:
Where's the hundreds of new members??

MOAYT
"Missed Opportunity Aseres Yemei Teshuva"

I'm sharing this thought because I see others are having the same thing, what I went thru too for many many many years

As yechidah wrote yesterday, Rosh Hashana is a time of awesome light in the darkness. It uplifts us. 
The problem however is that we put limitations into the measure of light we will allow in

Or from a different angle: Rock bottom is the point of return where guys will take the brave step and do whatever it takes to get real sober, whether with Taphsic that honestly works for them (some try 100 different versions of Taphsic. Brother either it works for you or it doesn't), or opening up with Dov or Cordnoy, or meetings etc...

Many of us with the inspiration of these awesome days say to ourselves on AYT "Ok I'm at rock bottom. My life as a Jew sucks. I'm willing to do whatever it takes". But... It's a catch 22. The inspiration and dread alone which brings the feeling of rockbottom, that itself was sufficient to enable me to stay clean, although a form of white knuckling. Which locked me in a mindset of "why do I need to do anything else for my recovery"

So, many take it halfway. We take the boost Gd gives us to go to full recovery mode which for many means realizing we can't do it on our own, and get out of anonymity - (read the first "dov quote"). 

Instead of that we resort to "white knuckling" which during Elul and AYT is smooth sailing for many. But then the light dims after YK, cause Gd says "I gave you the boost, Now you're on your own", and that is when we are dismayed to learn that we missed a golden opportunity, and it's more difficult to get the push then to get on the road to real recovery, or to realize rock bottom'ing

I was sure that Elul and the AYT is a time of high GYE membership, but it didn't happen, why? I think the answer is as I mentioned, that it's simply easier to white knuckle these days, so "although I was more inspired to get clean these days, I didn't feel the urgency to join GYE"

Current members of GYE can also have similar feelings "I'm sufficiently inspired to be clean at least until YK, who knows what will be after...". And they don't join the real GYE recovery train

Until a short while after YK - days or hours, we realize sadly that we missed the awesome opportunity

G'mar Chasima guys, I hope you feel the light and allow it to shine through the whole year, and share some with us please :-)


Thank you for sharing... I am just trying to figure out,was there an eitza in there or just bemoaning the fact that people aren't looking for long term improvement? I can sometimes miss things stated in a post so I wanted to double check.
Thanks

I think the hidden eitzah is in the following quotes:

Or from a different angle: Rock bottom is the point of return where guys will take the brave step and do whatever it takes to get real sober, whether with Taphsic that honestly works for them (some try 100 different versions of Taphsic. Brother either it works for you or it doesn't), or opening up with Dov or Cordnoy, or meetings etc..

We take the boost Gd gives us to go to full recovery mode which for many means realizing we can't do it on our own, and get out of anonymity - (read the first "dov quote"). 

Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Starting Again... 14 Sep 2021 03:40 #372423

  • Lou
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BH,been extremely busy now. I am actually frustrated as I wish I had more time to focus on these holy days and doing a more real teshuva. However,possibly the busyness is a blessing as well as although I would like to think I would be spending more time on Teshuva,experience has shown that is not always the case. Fee time doesn't lead to good places usually.
The real truth is that when I am looking to fall I seem to somehow always make time for it even when extremely busy...so I should do the same now for Teshuva.
Gmar Chasima Tova to all!

Re: Starting Again... 17 Sep 2021 07:41 #372505

  • Lou
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Just had a slip!
Not gonna call it a fall,because i don't think it was,and I think would just lose all of my momentum if i do. but this was disappointing!

Re: Starting Again... 17 Sep 2021 14:50 #372520

  • DavidT
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Lou wrote on 17 Sep 2021 07:41:
Just had a slip!
Not gonna call it a fall,because i don't think it was,and I think would just lose all of my momentum if i do. but this was disappointing!

When you have a slip and you keep strong so that it does not turn into a fall, then not only is it not a negative thing, it's actually a major part of recovery and growing. Try to celebrate it and turn it into an excitement instead of a disappointment. We will always have nisyonos and situations which we would call slips, so let's try to turn them around with the help of Hashem. 
Keep Strong!!!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
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