Very upset. Its taken me almost 2 years to reach 90 days and now just over 2 weeks later I've fallen again. Will I ever be able to stay clean permanently???

One Day At A Time

My sobriety today does not depend on my sobriety yesterday. Like the Mon that fell in the desert.

Congrats on having reached the 90. Pick yourself up, brush off and keep going

What tools did you use in your journey? What do you think will help going forward?

Not many as I (puposely) have very limited internet access

Limited internet access is good.
But it's a conduit for lusting, so if it's restricted, it doesn't solve the urge to lust. Just blocks a major avenue.
Consider live SA/SAA meetings. I only promote them because they are a proper deus ex machina. Absolute Godsend.

I fell after 149 days.God picked me back up. let God pick you back up and move on. The main issue with that my falling that was making me upset was my ego. Then I reminded myself that it wasn't me who was keeping me sober it was God, so I had nothing to be egotistical about in the first place. I did put in a pt of work at living like a sober man and I wanted to keep building on that. I can't build on my prior work while I'm acting out with porn and masturbation.

Welcome,
 lookI in my signature.
I fell several times after 90.

Why do you need the internet for tools?

While you have it, download the gye handbook.

B'hatzlachah

Welcome - you lucky guy

You got the Captain and Karma sherrif onto your thread - sure to give you serenity

I joined gye 3 months after you, and have been forum posting daily since. 
Dov wouldn't instruct you to join SA. 

But sometimes he advises us to quit the insanity - what's that?

First thing - dosent seem that you gave up, trying to get Chizuk to go on! thats great (or HUGE as trump would say).

Second - try some new things as well as keeping the 90 day chart, you could try the TaPHSiC Method - working for me, or try the 12 steps, see what seems would be working for you and jump in!

Hatzlocho & keep us posted.

I fell after 18 months, giving up ain't an option so the only other option is to KOT!!!

Markz wrote on 20 Dec 2016 13:52:

Mark: I love you, buddy. Honestly. But speaking for others might be a downhill slope. Especially something as big as SA, which can shape a person's life. If Dov wants to say something, he will. 

tony wrote on 20 Dec 2016 10:01:

I'm sorry to hear about your fall. I can relate. I also don't think it's within human power to stay clean permanently. As long as there is a tomorrow then we can't stay sober permanently. Life has shown me that my expectations and assumptions are inaccurate many times. So I can only stay clean in the present, it is physically and philosophically impossible to stay sober in any other moment but the present. That has really helped me; it's why I keep my day count at 1 day. I need to be reminded that I can only do this one day at a time. It helps me from getting my ego blown up, it helps me to focus on my priority, and it helps me when I fall. The last time I fell I was able to get right back up again because I internalized the concept of one day at a time.

Hatzlacha.

I was referring to singularitys post - when we don't even know if tony is a addict at all

Does dov usually tell such members that they should consider SA? Not from what I recall

First off, I read "would" instead of "wouldn't." My bad. I don't know what goes on in the mind of Dov but I know he suggests it sometimes and doesn't suggest it other times.

I guess then my message is for Singularity. Recommending SA/SAA can be a very slippery slope. Usually people come to and realize they need or don't need the rooms. In all my attempts to get someone to join SA, none have been successful. It's an incredibly personal decision.

Shlomo24 wrote on 20 Dec 2016 17:18:

 Bad words according to Harvey, would could should isn't meant for addicts, we must live in the present.... 

Just sayin not getin involved in the convo