Hello there! I am killing myself, I went clean for 75 days and the day after Yom Kippur I lost it! It was biggest streak and I really thought I'd make it. I'm really beside myself cuz I fell couple times since then already. Anyone out there hav any chizuk for me!?!?  Thanks 

bestrong wrote on 27 Oct 2016 04:01:

I feel your pain brother 
Please DONT kill yourself

Alright I won't.... but It really sucks I didn't even think of falling during those 75 days then all sudden in 2 min it was all over ;( I felt so high and strong now just in time for new Zman I feel disgusted with myself..... 

Before Gd opened my eyes to Gd yr eyes, I think I had many years too of "75 clean days till Succos", and then

It actually makes sense for that to happen. After Yom Kippur you may have been like, "phew!" and maybe let your guard down. But don't worry, buddy, I was 9 months sober and I acted out. But I'm still in the game.

Me was sober over a year and fell, so I know thw the feeling, but the only choice is to keep trucking... dont give up!

Each time I fell, I became stronger in recovery.
 you can as well.

Work it, cuz you're worth it!

cordnoy wrote on 27 Oct 2016 11:58:

That was my experience also. At least concerned my relapse after 9 months.

Markz wrote on 27 Oct 2016 06:23:

Where do you get this stuff? :D
at first I thought it was the sugya of a sukkah on a wagon, where it's kosher b'di'eved if it only succumbs to mayim she'einam m'tzuyim.

But keep it up! 75 is a HUGE number! the danger of the 90 is that a fall at 89 will trigger a massive guilt spiral, of "I JUST MISSED IT!" So the closer you get, the higher the potential downfall. But to keep in mind that that's all hevel havalim, that b'etzem 89 and 90 are not so different, so if you do fall c"v, it's not a signal to give it all up.

The Mishna says: העושה סוכתו בראש העגלה, או בראש הספינה--כשרה
Than means it can be either on a wagon or on a boat, but not both at once...

Thanks everyone for the chizuk!!!! Also it's not only about the number 90 it's just I felt so high like I conquered the whole thing etc... and now I feel lower then when I started!!!! 

Well, God willing you'll learn something from this experience.

Shlomo24, Amein! Hope so! Although right now I feel like the most disgusting creature ever created, I hope with time I will get back to myself as this has been one of my worst couple of weeks I ever had since I started stopping! Also just wanna ask the oilam out there, if you stop for a certain period of time and then u fall and start doing stuff worse does that make it ur worse off then before and u hav to gain back double ground?!?! 

I hear what you are saying brother. I fell also after almost 90 days and fell also after 90 days. 
90 days isn't a magic number. It's not like you're safe after 90. That's how I felt the first time.
It really doesn't matter, we have to take it 1 day at a time and remember every day that we could lose it all at any given moment. 
What really helps is not viewing it as a sin primarily but as a disease. This thing is destroying your life and for your own sake you have to get rid of it. With sin you might feel that since you haven't sinned for a while, you can now let down your guard. But when you view it as something that can potentially destroy your life you understand that you have to ask HaShem every day to heal you.
I feel I want to say more but it is really all in the guide book.

May HaSHem bless you and strengthen you!

I had a streak of over 200 days when I was in yeshiva.  Lost it suddenly as well.  It took about 15 years and my wife catching me to significantly improve.  NEVER EVER GIVE UP!  Most of us have failed multiple times.  That is why we are here.  You will succeed.  Keep at it.  You have much more tools and support at a much younger age than me.  I know how you feel.  Been there, done that.  It's no fun, but it can will get better IY"H.