Scary stuff.

Is it OK yet to ask what the plan is or do you want more time to settle in?

I need more time to settle in. First order is to quit at least the really bad stuff meaning no social connections with the other gender whether fb or via e-mail with anyone but my wife period.

And by the way, I also had a social connection with someone out in KY. We were too far to ever meet. But we chatted daily for probably 6 months. I just quickly told her goodbye and shut down my e-mail. That was very very hard.

Waydown - I think dov would say that the really bad stuff and the not so bad stuff aren't really so different. Because neither is really the source of your problem

They are different expressions of the same thing. If I was you I would not try an approach of dealing with the more serious issues first - but that is just me

True Markz but you have to start somewhere. No-one is suggesting that half hearted approaches are acceptable. But the ABC of GYE is to first quit all really bad stuff. Rome was not built over one nite. That does not mean ignore the other stuff.

I wouldn't follow that approach myself. Gye says stop today - not 85%.  Last time you were minimizing porn but not masturbation.

In any case, how do we really know which form of lust is worse. Yesod explained how porn can be more damaging than acting out in real life...

I don't think we should be theorising or deciding what is not so good over what is not so bad

Again it's your choice brother

Im not the voice of GYE, but I've seen in my time here that the guys that follow the gye recovery path get sober and the others do too

Keep us posted waydown, hope things will be looking wayup!

I wish you all the best.

Of course I can't know which lust is worse in terms of my inner probelms. But which stuff in a physical sense will reck your life as we speak. That's what has to go first.

To put it simple if my wife caught me flirting with ladies (Anthony Weiner style) that's it marriage is over. If my wife caught me masterbating marriage ain't over. I want to repeat that does not mean its OK to tackle the issue half heartidly.  But it does mean that you first get rid of the physical lethal stuff. The stuff that can kill you tomorrow has go to go first.

waydown wrote:

What's stopping you from starting another new social connection an hour from now?

n o t h i n g

I'm going to have you in mind by Thilim Hashem should give you Koach & Daas

waydown wrote on 14 Sep 2016 15:22:

I know someone who had a connection with a woman a third of the country distance away, and it lasted for some time and then they actually met, and then it lasted even longer.

Very true. I don't deny that , that needs to be worked on. But first thing is stop having the connection this second.  

As a side point, Honestly I have never done what I call the real serious sins while logged into GYE. GYE alone stopped me from that. Its only when I leave my GYE home.

waydown wrote on 14 Sep 2016 17:26:

Thank you, very interesting point. I suppose everyone has their own opinion on this.

I noticed that you picked two ways of getting caught; flirting with real ladies and masturbating (presumably to fantasies in your own head). Even assuming your prediction is correct (though every woman is different; and we are very biased - I think my wife considered leaving me after my revelations of chronic masturbation, but that's beside the point), what if she caught you watching pornography? Do you think she would be so forgiving? Many of us think so, but are rudely awakened when we are actually caught.
Food for thought.

Wishing you continued success.

You are probably correct about porn. But I talk for myself. In my case these are the two lust manifestations that I have. I can't say I never watched porn but I don't really have a pull to it. That's my warped mind. 

You seem to be implying that quitting all the 'bad stuff' is a goal in itself. Rome wasn't built in a day so you want to do it piecemeal.

In my experience, quitting all the 'bad stuff' was just the beginning. Recovery is the goal, quitting 'bad stuff' is a pre-requisite. 

If you're not a sexaholic like me then I have no advice anyway. But if you are a sexaholic like me, chances are that your attempts to control your behaviour won't last long and this is all a moot point anyway.

I've tried masturbation only, porn only, mornings only, afternoons only, weekdays only, weekends only, in bed only, in the shower only, with one porn image only, after learning first only (sick, no?), and countless other methods to control myself. Every one of these failed utterly. That's just been my experience.

Oh Watson,

I totally agree. Quitting the really "bad stuff" is not a goal. Its a prerequisite. 

I will repeat again that I agree with you chevra, if its half hearted I will just end up back in the same hole.