Hi All Ish Kodoshim,

Unfortunately , I have been gone for a long while. I have been out there up to no good. I'll just cut to the chase. Recently, I meet a semi- frum lady albiet not in person. She was almost ready to take it all the way. But as we continued to chat she made two observations which convinced her not to go further. 

1) My marriage is basically a happy one. Despite the fact she was married too, her marriage was not a happy one while mine is (other than intimacy which is my own doing). Therefore, she felt that she was not comfortable wrecking someone else's marriage if at least the other party is in a happy marriage.
2) While we are both orthodox she is barley frum and does not always keep shabbos anymore. I on the other hand am a very upstanding jew in  all other areas. I am a bal chesed and learned person. I still attend minyan 3 times a day etc... She felt it was unbecoming of me to sin. It did not pas for someone on my level to stoop so low.

I thought both those two thoughts were very powerful enough to send me back home. Plus its elul where we all return to our father. (whether we return or not hashem is near us in Elul. (ani ledodi vdoedi li). So I unplugged all sinful e-mails and social media profiles and I am back home.

I should add that it is a tough time now as BH my wife is in her first trimester. That means I need to be a single dad for the time being because she has no koach to clean the house , watch and take the kids on trips. of course no relations follow suit. But I am still glad to be back.

Before you all ask  whats your plan just please let me settle down and then we will talk. This all happened today!!!!

You just met her today, or how many weeks ago?

Welcome back!

Markz,

I meet her online 9 days ago to be precise.  We chatted for what you would call hours. We broke up today.

I hear. A difficult challenge



Does a 9 day program of freedom from shmutz interest you?

I must make another confession. I also had a long 3/4 month online relationship with a frum women prior to the 9 day chat. That first chat / friendship just died slowly with no punch and thus it did not send me to the door running. It was this last one that kind of shocked me into returning home.

One more weird thing. I am very happy to be back home. But after so many days of fake adrenaline, it feels like a bit of void like I am missing that something that I had when escaping via on-line chatting. I was wondering if that's normal. I think it will go away after a few days and I will feel more serine at heart. But just wondering.

Welcome back.
Sorry to hear that you're still struggling.

Bigmoish wrote:

I'll tell you something about myself (even though I don't consider myself an 'addict') - As long as I'm taking steps forward for recovery every day, the struggle is BH under control

If things are left as they are, the truck will by default shift very quickly to reverse back into the muck very quickly

Theres no middle ground. Only one solution works for me

KEEP ON TRUCKING

Welcome back,

Hatzlachah to you.

Way, Welcome back.
We've already been through this before. We've spent hours and hours discussing the same things over and over.
It's great to see your writing again, but short of a miracle nothing can change unless a major change is made. The longer and deeper this goes on, the harder it gets to try and climb back to life. An anonymous website has not helped in the long run. From what you've written, these women know more about you then anyone who can actually help.
I know that you love your kids. Do it for them. Get real live help. It's the strong thing to do.
sg

Oh Gevalt.
Scary stuff.

Segwaying of what Mark said, I imagine my life as a ramp. If I'm not going up, I'm falling down. In my experience I have found that coasting does not work well for addicts. And apparently it doesn't work well for non-addicts, as Reb Mark,  Shlita was saying. (You're welcome, Mark).

Day 2 back home still struggling with a nagging feeling due to a lack of fake adrenaline. But at the same time it brings a certain serenity to my well being. So kind of a weird mixed bag.

It's tough.
Thanks for coming back.

The boys don't want to hit rock bottom

As King David said

"The children despised the rock"

But again if we're not going uphill, it's often inevitable