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"THE TWO FACED JEW"
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"THE TWO FACED JEW" 19 Jan 2016 23:50 #274915

I live 2 lives. One life is full of sex, drugs, music, and clubs. One life is full of torah, tfillah and maaasim tovim. I'm torn between both worlds and i need help.
I know what your thinking, what does recovery have to do with a rainbow?

Life is like a rainbow it has its ups and downs, its brights and darks. but you will always reach the pot of gold at the end. In order to build your wonderful rainbow of life you need to study a rainbow and take the lessons it provides.

Each color, starting from the bottom, is neat and carefully placed right next to the other. When all stacked and suspended in mid air you have a gorgeous rainbow. The colors are our accomplishments, if you want to grow you need to focus on one color at a time. Start with the bottom and put all your focus and energy into one struggle. One area at a time. Once you painted one color make another until you slowly build a breath taking rainbow. What happens when we try to paint the green blue red orange all at once? A mess. Small steps in ONE AREA and then solidify and keep going.

If your on this website you struggle in the area of "kedusha". The holy books refer to this issue as Midas Hayesod, the foundation of everything, the foundation of your life, the foundation of your rainbow. The first color to paint. Focus all your energy on this battle, don't worry about your other issues, you'll get there, now we are focusing on our very yesod, our foundation. When God finished destroying the generation of the Mabul, who sinned severely in shemirat habrit and promiscuous behavior, he put up a rainbow. I think the message is clear: if you want to grow and overcome this challenge of Taavat Nashim, look at the rainbow my people, one color at a time..

Re: "THE TWO FACED JEW" 19 Jan 2016 23:59 #274917

  • Markz
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Welcome
I like the username you chose

Alot of us lived 2 lives, and with gye we established and maintained our true selves / shiny Trucks!

I wish you much success - although the beginning can be a little tough

Checkout the GPS navigation in my signature

All the best!!!
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Re: 19 Jan 2016 23:59 #274918

  • shteeble
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Welcome to GYE!

It works if you work it, so work it, you're worth it.

We're in this together.

Re: 20 Jan 2016 00:12 #274923

  • cordnoy
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I usually don't push my thread, but perhaps take a look at the thread called tryin'. The link is below.

Some people will tell you, "hey rainbow, you're really a tzadik....Don't worry about the shmutz, as we clear it away." Others will say, "perhaps you're on a low level now, but you have the potential to be great, as you yourself indicated."

I will say neither (doesn't mean I'm right).
Practice sobriety, for your life deserves to be manageable, and then we shall see.

B'hatzlachah.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1Page 2Page 3Last Page

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Last Edit: 20 Jan 2016 00:13 by cordnoy.

Re: 20 Jan 2016 00:17 #274924

Thankyou!
I know what your thinking, what does recovery have to do with a rainbow?

Life is like a rainbow it has its ups and downs, its brights and darks. but you will always reach the pot of gold at the end. In order to build your wonderful rainbow of life you need to study a rainbow and take the lessons it provides.

Each color, starting from the bottom, is neat and carefully placed right next to the other. When all stacked and suspended in mid air you have a gorgeous rainbow. The colors are our accomplishments, if you want to grow you need to focus on one color at a time. Start with the bottom and put all your focus and energy into one struggle. One area at a time. Once you painted one color make another until you slowly build a breath taking rainbow. What happens when we try to paint the green blue red orange all at once? A mess. Small steps in ONE AREA and then solidify and keep going.

If your on this website you struggle in the area of "kedusha". The holy books refer to this issue as Midas Hayesod, the foundation of everything, the foundation of your life, the foundation of your rainbow. The first color to paint. Focus all your energy on this battle, don't worry about your other issues, you'll get there, now we are focusing on our very yesod, our foundation. When God finished destroying the generation of the Mabul, who sinned severely in shemirat habrit and promiscuous behavior, he put up a rainbow. I think the message is clear: if you want to grow and overcome this challenge of Taavat Nashim, look at the rainbow my people, one color at a time..

Re: Rainbow's Thread 20 Jan 2016 01:40 #274937

  • bigmoish
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Welcome.
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"We have met the enemy and he is us" - Pogo
"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!
Last Edit: 20 Jan 2016 01:41 by bigmoish.

Re: 20 Jan 2016 04:11 #274957

  • mggsbms
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cordnoy wrote:
I usually don't push my thread, but perhaps take a look at the thread called tryin'. The link is below.

Some people will tell you, "hey rainbow, you're really a tzadik....Don't worry about the shmutz, as we clear it away." Others will say, "perhaps you're on a low level now, but you have the potential to be great, as you yourself indicated."

I will say neither (doesn't mean I'm right).
Practice sobriety, for your life deserves to be manageable, and then we shall see.

B'hatzlachah.


Hey you just shattered some (of my) big ideas with a stroke of a pen.
Aka -  Mischadeish075 Email mischadeish075@gmail.com

Re: "THE TWO FACED JEW" 20 Jan 2016 17:09 #275004

  • gibbor120
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WELCOME! Check out the handbook. Keep posting. Your thoughts/feelings are common.

Re: 20 Jan 2016 17:40 #275006

  • Eyeglasses
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Brother - Just no Yiosh please, you can make it B'ezh:) .

Re: 20 Jan 2016 20:49 #275038

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There's no question that you can make it with the support here. So many of us have that 2nd side, the challenge is simply trying to get ourselves to realize which side we want to be our 1st side so we can work on eliminating the other. Welcome to the fight!

Re: 20 Jan 2016 22:00 #275067

  • shlomo24
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buildingarainbow wrote:
I live 2 lives. One life is full of sex, drugs, music, and clubs. One life is full of torah, tfillah and maaasim tovim. I'm torn between both worlds and i need help.

This should be nominated for post of the year. Such brutal honesty. Welcome!
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: 20 Jan 2016 23:27 #275079

  • shteeble
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buildingarainbow wrote:
I live 2 lives. One life is full of sex, drugs, music, and clubs. One life is full of torah, tfillah and maaasim tovim. I'm torn between both worlds and i need help.


I'm no expert, especially in your situation,
but I would have to recommend joining

1) Narcotics Anonymous
&
2) Sexaholics Anonymous

Find groups in your area.
Don't waste time.
GYE is great, but you sound like you need a Quick and Heavy dosage of RECOVERY.

Not judging. Just trying to help.
Be matzliach.

Re: 21 Jan 2016 22:56 #275189

  • Watson
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I certainly relate. I used to learn with tremendous hasmodoh all day long in yeshiva, from before shacharis till late at night, except for the 1 or 2 times daily I would have to take a short break to go masturbate....

I would put huge efforts into my learning and davening and was surprised every time I acted out. How is it possible that I acted out when I'm shteiging so much?! So I would go do some hisbodedus and cry my eyes out to Hashem and feel so close to Him (nuclear reset button, anyone?) and go back to shteiging, acting out, crying to Hashem, etc. I felt stuck and hopeless.

There is a solution.

Stick around. Post some, read more.




Edit:
Re SA, I joined about 2 years ago and it has changed my life. I have nowhere near enough information to be able to tell you if you would benefit from SA, (it's not for everyone) so you'll have to make your own mind up about that. I've attached an SA pamphlet. If it does grab your interest you can find a meeting at www.sa.org/top/?f2f=1


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Last Edit: 21 Jan 2016 23:38 by Watson.

Re: 22 Jan 2016 17:16 #275232

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Reb Waston,

I'm very moved from your history.
Last Edit: 22 Jan 2016 17:16 by Eyeglasses.
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