I should really shut up because arguing about these things will for sure not get me sober. But..

If I only focus on today what is my motivation. To be normal just today ? I'll handle one crazy day. It's a bunch of crazy days that are the problem. It's running the risk of acting out before my daughter's chupah that scares me to death.

mggsbms

I will like to share my thoughts. Please understand I do not hold out to be an authority of any type. I am  just one, like many here who have had their run with sobriety and found what has worked for them.
Years ago I heard a shiur from a person who works in kiruv rechokim. He claimed when working with potential Ba'al Teshuvas you have to be prepared to deal with two major points. The Torah is true and the Torah is also Geshmak. cause if it's not true why waste my time with a religious discipline that is so demanding. BUT- if it's not geshmak then even if it's true how long can I stay in the program? It's just too dry. Its got to be pleasurable on some level- that's how I at least am wired.

The Torah true lifestyle, as we are all fully aware is truly exciting and meaningful.

Living a life of sobriety is also way of life. We need to learn how to think right and also set up our circumstances( and best react when potential  threats arise) to best deal with all real and potential threats to our goal of clean wholesome living- free of the obsessing thoughts and acts that we wish so desperately to be rid of. We know that recovery is not a true cure but we can learn how best to live, so that the addiction does not go from a potential threat to actual acting out.
I have found that when first trying to become sober - just working on sobriety daily moment by moment is all I really needed. Once I had reached a certain amount of days I began to have some hope that perhaps if I follow the right advice I could really be sober.
At this point how is the program geshmak? Well for starters I realize that having this illness if you will, has a very strong positive side. see the link below for details  

 For us frum yiddin (and this is almost a first for me), it is a simple one. What does God want from us right at this moment? Should I resent that person? Is now the right time to take revenge? Should I look across the aisle? What is there to be afraid of? Is this the link I should click? You can't seem to wanna do His will, fine, then pray for the willingness. It didn't work. Pray again. You looked. Fine. Now, do His will. 

B'hatzlachah

mggsbms wrote on 15 May 2016 16:25:

One day at a time may be a tool, for some people. For lots of GYE people it may be a powerful gimmick to trick the yetzer hora into leaving me along or something...but for me it is simple and literal. I am alive now and there is no such thing as "many days" or "a bunch of days". This does not mean that I do not plan for tomorrow or for next week. Rather, it simply means that I train myself to do today's job today, and tomorrow's job tomorrow....not any other way.

It's really an entirely different way of living - of being  - for me. In addiction it was ironically all 'in the moment': I could sacrifice many tomorrows for the comforting lust would give me right then...but the lifestyle filled  me with worry about the future, regrets about the past, and terror of getting caught in a lie. Terror of whether I will be satisfied sexually tomorrow - or ever. Worried about how my kids will turn out or if moshiach will chas v'sholom come before I finally "do Teshuva gemura"...it was very dramatic, very exciting, and very stupid.

Now my emotions come, they wash over me and I stand outside myself observing me having them...and my sponsor helped me see that feelings are not reality, but just feelings. They do not move me into tomorrow, and not into yesterday. They just are. This is how I feel right now. 

Perhaps my daughter will be married in 5 days like you, and there is fear and worry and regret and dissatisfaction, and excitement, and resentment. But all those things are fantasy - just like the naked women I was looking at in the porn, just like the sex scenes playing in my head while I masturbated...not reality. They were there because I needed excitement - or crisis.

Now i am learning to accept G-d's Will as it comes. And by 'G-d's Will' I certainly do not mean 'the mitzvos', and neither does Hashem! G-d's most pervasive and relevant 'Will' is simply how the events of my life are unfolding right now - today. Life on Life's terms, as they say in AA. This is obvious to anyone who really thinks it over. The GR"A calls it the contents of the dot in the 'Beis' in bereishis...the Zohar (and gemora) calls it "istakla b'orayso uboro almo". All of history is in the Torah - not the mitzvos, but what people call 'divrei reshus' is all G-d's Will as somehow expressed in the Torah: how fat you are, how rich or poor you are, if your daughter is happy or smart or not, or if the caterer is nuts or good or how much money you will need to spend, or save, your health and the traffic for all your guests and family the day of the wedding, the photographer being a jerk, someone vomiting on your (geneidigeh) machteinisteh in the mitzva tantz (c"v!...heheh), etc, etc...all factors that will have far more severe and noticeable consequences than what time sof z'man kriyas Shma will be....this is G-d's Will. The ikkar of G-d's Will that we have a horrid time accepting.

It's not about whether we choose to sin or not. It is whether we choose to live with the times - to accept G-d's Will today. Life as it really is....or if we whine our way through it whispering regrets and worries and disappointments all the way through. White-knuckling through life is our big problem, not white-knuckling through sobriety.

I know that once a person works the 12 steps and learns that he or she does not need to white-knuckle through life any more, they will find that staying sober is no problem at all....

And without acceptance of today being more than enough for me to think about, none of this is even touchable.

None of it. 

It's the basis for real living.

cordnoy wrote on 15 May 2016 15:19:

So, what happens when, you just don't have the strength to look at Hashems will for every second. When you feel like you just need a break from that level of intense feeling. When that itself starts making you resentful. Then What? Is there anything between living every second to fulfill the will of god and acting out? For me this was where a good movie came in. So, I don't have that now. How do I take it down a notch without losing everything? Or do I never take it down a notch?

cordnoy wrote on 15 May 2016 15:19:

So, what happens when, you just don't have the strength to look at Hashems will for every second. When you feel like you just need a break from that level of intense feeling. When that itself starts making you resentful. Then What? Is there anything between living every second to fulfill the will of god and acting out? For me this was where a good movie came in. So, I don't have that now. How do I take it down a notch without losing everything? Or do I never take it down a notch?

Dov wrote on 15 May 2016 18:00:

Great stuff ! And I get all that - that's a far cry from actually living it.

My point is, is there a motivating factor for me to work towards such a mindset ? There got to be a reason for me to take the minute to minute effort of living life on life's terms. And that is because living life on my terms has gotten me to a place where I can act out in crazy ways or crazy times.

It's not wrong, but for some people, it won't be the changer. 
Did you not know before that life is good when sober? Maybe, maybe not.
We can't provide the incentive.
We can share what works for us.

Ok never mind...