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What else should I try?
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TOPIC: What else should I try? 2020 Views

Re: What else should I try? 09 Mar 2015 02:11 #250117

  • serenity
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Try sticking to one thread for yourself. It makes it easier for people to help you, keeps all the information in one place and gives you a place to regularly update your situation. I don't think many people have the time to constantly follow new threads. So that's what else you should try.

Hatzlacha!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: What else should I try? 09 Mar 2015 05:46 #250131

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Thank you, you are so right. The problem is, that by now, I don't know which thread of mine to use.

Re: What else should I try? 09 Mar 2015 05:46 #250132

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And sorry for making it confusing.

Re: What else should I try? 09 Mar 2015 08:23 #250134

  • fighter26
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gye just wanted to say your a great guy for coming here for help this really what chazal mean when it says habuh l'taher i wish you the best of luck. are you feeling that at all do you feel like your doing a good thing here? and if ya how much and how does that affect you and how you feel
about the productivity it seems that your upset about how your preforming day to day maybe try to ask yourself why that is and see if its you or lust which is affecting you badly thats just what i think i wish you the best of luck

Re: What else should I try? 09 Mar 2015 14:41 #250149

  • cordnoy
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GYEmember wrote:
Thank you, you are so right. The problem is, that by now, I don't know which thread of mine to use.


Pick the one that has the most information about yourself.
people can give advice or suggest better when they know and understand the issues better.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: What else should I try? 09 Mar 2015 16:55 #250164

  • gibbor120
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As far as therapists go, it's like a shidduch. If one is not working out, try another, especially, if the first does not have addiction expertise.

Being busy with positive things is extremely important. Boredom and empty time are favorites of the Y"H, especially in this nisayon. The less "free" time you have, the better. Exersise is also a great outlet, especially with a friend. Staying busy and out of isolation are 2 great ikkarim.

Keep posting here, and NEVER EVER GIVE UP. I failed for over 20 years, tried everything I could think of to stop, it didn't help. B"H I'm 5 1/2 years sober now. I still don't have a magic formula, but joining GYE, joining the 12 step phone calls (which you may want to try) helped a lot. Talking with the chevra here, especially dov has also made a big difference.

I wish you hatzlacha. I know what you are going through.
Last Edit: 09 Mar 2015 16:56 by gibbor120.

Re: What else should I try? 09 Mar 2015 17:24 #250166

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I am restarting the 90 day chart today. Bl"n I will now post my progress day to day on this thread as much as I can.

I am appreciative of everyone's willingness to help each other on this forum.


Thank you everyone.

Re: What else should I try? 09 Mar 2015 18:43 #250175

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Someone in AA with 30 years sobriety, was speaking to a mostly young crowd and he said that although he has been sober for a long time compared to most people in the room, he did start at their age (he was 21) and he is no less an addict than he was on day one. He has to work a daily program of recovery. He said that it may take him more days to get to that drink than a newcomer, but he will get there, and if he does get there, he will not come back. He will have lost something that us newcomers have and especially the younger people, and that is hope. There is a lot of hope out there.

I appreciated a share that Cordnoy posted on another thread about his frailty and how sick we are. As for me, today after I was getting out of shul I allowed myself to lust after my particularly preferential objects of my desire. (Of-course providence would have that person there at 7:15 A.M. in a relatively rural area and shul got out earlier than usual to boot) This was a pretty bad slip for me, because I can't head in that direction. Later in the day I was having feelings of desire and lust and so I called my sponsor, my brother and someone else in the program. I also said the third step prayer, tefilas haderach without the shem Hashem in the bracha and a prayer asking Hashem to remove the desires UI was having because I had no need for them at that time. The desire was removed. I didn't believe the prayer would work, but the program says to do it , so I do it. Action is the main thing.

hatzlacha!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: What else should I try? 09 Mar 2015 20:31 #250186

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A big thing which is bothering me is accepting that I will have trouble my whole life. Does it ever get better? How much better is better? Can I ever be happy about the fact I am an addict?
Last Edit: 09 Mar 2015 20:31 by GYEmember.

Re: What else should I try? 09 Mar 2015 21:35 #250188

  • yiraishamaim
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Does it get better?
Let's see. If someone simply could not hold any amount of significant days of sobriety and then works a program and accumulates 100's of days what does that mean?
They did not put themselves in jail did they?
So just like gamblers or drug addicts after a certain time only go to a meeting once a week - that indicates that after a certain point less aggressive intervention is needed to continue to be sober.
That's exciting. Feel it - believe in it- that's a fact.
(Of course there are exceptions but why should you think that you are not part of the majority?)

That being said we never graduate from being considered "recovering" to being cured. We always have that hovering upon us.
Do you remember the famous question on why the NACHASH is considered cursed if in reality his nature is changed after the sin and AFAR is his food - now, he need not exert as much effort to get food, there is plenty all over the place. In fact, it sounds like a blessing. Our Chachomim say that the curse is the very fact he has it so easy. He no longer is forced to turn to Hashem to ask for sustenance.
The same question is on Eretz Yisroel -why is it considered such a blessed land if in fact ample rainfall is never certain? Again, the fact we must be concerned, forces us to turn to the Almighty for assistance. This keeps our relationship current throughout our journey in this world.
My dear friends - as we are all so acutely aware - a fall is always only a step away(by the way - in Pirkei Avos in states a person should never be certain of themselves until the day of death - so this insecurity of perhaps falling applies to all Jews - not only addictive personalities) - but precisely because of the apprehension of a possible failure - our relationship with Hashem must always be current.

Are we not in fact blessed?
Last Edit: 09 Mar 2015 21:35 by yiraishamaim.

Re: What else should I try? 09 Mar 2015 22:22 #250190

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Wow! Simply amazing answer! Thank you!

Re: What else should I try? 10 Mar 2015 14:46 #250237

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I'm still clean b"H. I need to ask my filter guardian-today-that I need to strengthen the filter settings. If I don't, I know I can too easily fall.

I had a dream last night that I started looking at porn for a few seconds-a slip-but I then stopped before it was a fall.

Re: What else should I try? 10 Mar 2015 15:32 #250238

  • moshe220
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GYE I applaud you for what you are doing. It takes courage and it's not easy.

I've been relatively clean over the last days, after having gone from trolling the internet for women to meet in person (some married) and doing other things for which I (was going to write "I am" but the truth is more like "I was") terribly ashamed. But for the last days I have not even looked online at all. No fake names. No meeting people.

For me, there have been a couple of strategies that work best. First, I surround myself with positivity as much as possible. The YH does not have as much strength when we are feeling good and happy. The YH is at its most powerful when we are depressed. IF you can listen to things that will make you feel good about yourself and the world, the YH gets much weaker. For me, it's actually a Christian Pastor named Joel Osteen. I can honestly say he has saved my life in all of this. But for you it can be something different. Just surround yourself with good vibes and positivity and it will go a long way.

Second, start to see yourself as someone who does not do this. Create a real vision of yourself as the person who is living the life you want to live. If you don't know what that looks like, then spend some time. Write it out. But really begin to see yourself living the life you know you should be living, the life you want to live. It's hard at first, but if you can close your eyes and really start to see and feel the version of who you want to be, that will go a long way.

Start with these 2 things and see where it takes you. There's more a long this road. If you can work with a coach like Duvid Chaim that will help you as well. If you can find someone who will really hold you accountable that will help as well. But be positive and see yourself as the strong capable man you are and you will start to move in the right direction. Good luck!

Re: What else should I try? 11 Mar 2015 04:07 #250283

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It does get better and many people are grateful that they are addicts, myself included.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: What else should I try? 11 Mar 2015 04:41 #250287

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Moshe220, both of your lessons are among the most powerful I've heard!

Your strategy about viewing myself as someone who does not do this, is one which I have tried. It kept me sober for almost two weeks- the longest stretch in a long time.

Thank you and everybody for all your care, concern, and wise words.
Last Edit: 11 Mar 2015 04:42 by GYEmember.
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