Hi Yedidya. I remember you well. I'm still posting as BB but not very often any more.

Hey, thanks to all of you who responded a number of months ago. :/ Looks like it was half a year ago that I last posted! How time flies! Anyway, appreciated each and every response. B"H been very busy and life has been full of its ups and downs and still going! It's hard for me to jump into things here. There are times I really want to and others that my isolating self takes over telling me that it's too scary, not safe and what do I need it for anyway. So, I'm posting, short and sweet, another start for me, another day, wishing us all who are zoche to be alive today to KOT.

Keep on keeping on.

Isolation sucks.

Checking in...
Anger is really hard for me, whether at my wife, my parents, or others, I get triggered and have 
a difficult time with this emotion. I am working on learning to be more assertive and practicing 
assertive behavior so that I don't get lost in beating myself up and then...
The pull can be so strong at times...

Hi, I’m new to the site and saw your comment about your challenges with anger.

In your own words it’s seems that the ultimate trigger is not your anger. The deep feeling of desperation of being upset at yourself is what’s making you surrender to the impulse. We sometimes get emotionally pushed in to this sort of the “flight of fight” state. Our mind tells us we CAN’T remain with these strong feeling any longer and convinces us to release the tension in any way possible.

When you feel desperate try telling yourself one of the following affirmations or any other one that you think will help you. Try it even if you don’t believe what you are saying and it sounds weird. This will help to put at least a tiny bit of positive energy in to your mind.

I’m trying my best and I know I will succeed.

I know this is a struggle  and it’s ok to struggle.

I will be your friend forever and I love you.

Hi Yiddisheguy make yourself at home, you can even start your own personalized page for no extra charge, and the last time I heard it's called "fight or flight", but let's not fight about that. I love you too

I second what Markz said, welcome!!
Honored to have been involved with your first post on this forum.
How about introducing yourself on your own thread?

Sturgg has definitely chosen "Flight"

As they say in Hebrew, ״חחח״

For what you wrote, I should really take a "fresh start" and learn Hebrew cos it sounds like a really I ntelligent language ״ההה״!

what do you think gevura with a "נננח"?

So, today has not been an easy day for me, loneliness has been very present and tried to knock me a few times. I called Dov, which I am proud of and another friend as well who is aware of my struggle. I am also going through my thread little by little and whoa did I have some difficult moments back then. Looking back I'm happy that I had this forum and felt comfortable and safe enough to express myself the way I did. I have very fond memories of the forum from back then. I think part of my triggers is my critical voice that can be subtle and quiet at times when I have different things to take care of and the going is slow or I can't do everything I planned, my critical voice gets involved and then I turn to thinking about how I'm not good enough, being miserable, and then lust comes to save the day b/c of course that would make everything better!! Happy to have the perspective I have today and working on myself. It's nice to have this place to write down my thoughts and be part of a chevra of people working on themselves.

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 13 Jul 2016 14:40:

Actually now that I think about it, with that plane you don't need to choose

So, feeling lonely... And tired... Hmm..., hungry, angry...
Guess what I feel like doing?
I'm working on surrendering the desire to act out, like, ok, I gotta feeling...
Whoop-dee-do
I'm praying to make it through

How about working on getting in touch with somebody, eating, and calming down?

Sounds like a quicker way to take care of being 


Then it will be easier to be...

hey Sturggle.. how r u doing today. hope you're feeling stronger.
So,this past Sunday I was home alone...and got this urge to call phone sex line. reached out to my network of SA brothers.. but then went with the impulse to act out...guess i realy did not surrender. feeling a little better today.