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Hello from Blind Beggar
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TOPIC: Hello from Blind Beggar 59622 Views

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 26 Oct 2011 15:51 #122819

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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Mazel Tov BB, great work! Keep it going!

Gevura!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends
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Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 26 Oct 2011 15:57 #122820

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Blind Beggar wrote on 15 Oct 2011 21:08:

I just realized that I objectify all women. The pretty ones are no chiddush, but when I see a fat or old woman and write her off as worthless I am also objectifying her. Fat women and old women are also people, I know some personally and they are real. Lots to learn.

Excellent point! Thanks!
Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 30 Oct 2011 06:15 #123318

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It's time to explain my updated signature.


It used to say:


1) If I see a woman I am powerless over lust, but I don't have to look.
2) I can guard my eyes.
3) I want to guard my eyes.
4) I do guard my eyes.


And here is the explanation:Which is still over here.


1) Is the first step of SA. I am powerless over lust, once I start, I cannot stop.


2) My reaction is not to look, like an alcoholic who cannot have only one drink. He can have none or he can go on a drunken binge. Elya explained 1) and 2) in Chizuk Email 998.
I asked him:
Hello Reb Elya, I have a question with the First Step, which is where I am holding in SA: I feel well armed to fight the lust battle, with:
TaPhSiC method  and
the Three Second Rule  and
I can take off my glasses and
post on the Forum and
call chaverim 24/6 and
I read the chizuk emails and
I have the K9 filter  and
WebChaver and more...
But then the First Step tells me I am powerless. I should lie down on the floor and cry in surrender, let go and let God, give up the fight, throw down my weapons and wave a white flag. How do these two ideas fit together?


And he answered me:


You are powerless THEREFORE you must use these methods, the 3 second rule, glasses, keep in touch with others who can guide you, filters to guard you, etc.Powerless means you cannot do this on your own, you (we) need help from others and a Higher Power.  Since you've put all of these things in place it's as if you have waved a white flag and pronounced you are powerless and ask G-d to help. Once you're away from lustful thoughts and pictures and lust itself, it becomes easier. This is G-d helping you. 


After talking with aa1977 we realized two more important points:
                                   
3) Rebbe Nachman z"l said we need to have a yearning to to Hashem's will and we need to verbalize it. "I want to guard my eyes".


4) Rebbe Nachman z"l said to search for the good points in all people, including ourselves. This is the "affirm" stage of the 3 second rule. "I do guard my eyes"


Now my signature is this:


1) If I see a woman as an object I am powerless over lust, but I don't have to look.
2) I can guard my eyes.
3) I want to guard my eyes.
4) I do guard my eyes.


The addition is based on this:


Blind Beggar wrote on 26 Oct 2011 14:51:

I find the same thing at work, there are loads of pretty young women over here, some frum, some not, but since they are all people and I know they are all more skilled than I am, I don't lust after them. It's true none of them can teach a tosfos like I can or learn kisvei Arizal, but here in the office it is office skills that count and I am fresh out of kollel. Women's legs do not turn me on much, objects' legs are what make me lust.
The Blind Beggar is a character in Rebbe Nachman's story of the Seven Beggars.
If I view a woman as an object, I am powerless over lust, but I don't have to look.
I can guard my eyes.
I want to guard my eyes.
I do guard my eyes.
Why do I say these four lines?
Last Edit: 30 Oct 2011 06:35 by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 31 Oct 2011 19:36 #123551

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Nice BB.

Was that me or a different Elyah?  I don't remember that.

--Elyah
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Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 31 Oct 2011 19:37 #123553

  • bardichev
keep on trucking

yes we can!!
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Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 31 Oct 2011 21:27 #123591

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Elya is not Elyah. Elya K. of the phone conferences wrote Chizuk email 998 and answered my question.
I don't know where I would be without you Elyah, but this nugget was from Elya.
The Blind Beggar is a character in Rebbe Nachman's story of the Seven Beggars.
If I view a woman as an object, I am powerless over lust, but I don't have to look.
I can guard my eyes.
I want to guard my eyes.
I do guard my eyes.
Why do I say these four lines?
Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 31 Oct 2011 21:49 #123596

  • ZemirosShabbos
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beautiful piece BB!

(it's also a davar be'ito for me cause i just started learning the torah called 'Is Lan Bira' in L'M which speaks about what you mentioned)
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ
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Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 31 Oct 2011 21:50 #123598

  • obormottel
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one mistery down! I was sure that Elya K. is the eye.nonimous Elya from the forum whom I admire so much.
Keep 'em coming, maybe I'll learn something else (like from your signature )
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.
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Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 31 Oct 2011 21:54 #123601

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ZemirosShabbos wrote on 31 Oct 2011 21:49:

beautiful piece BB!

(it's also a davar be'ito for me cause i just started learning the torah called 'Is Lan Bira' in L'M which speaks about what you mentioned)

For those who don't know, Zemiros is refering to Likutei Moharan 30.
The Blind Beggar is a character in Rebbe Nachman's story of the Seven Beggars.
If I view a woman as an object, I am powerless over lust, but I don't have to look.
I can guard my eyes.
I want to guard my eyes.
I do guard my eyes.
Why do I say these four lines?
Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 31 Oct 2011 21:57 #123603

  • ZemirosShabbos
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that's in L"M volume 1
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ
Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 03 Nov 2011 10:35 #124042

  • Blind Beggar
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Did you read about the 3 Second Rule in today's email? Were you too lazy busy to follow it? Well, here it is:

Tip of the Day

The Three Second Rule
Posted by "Kedusha"


As you may know, addiction therapist Michelle Rappaport was a guest on Elya's conference call this past Thursday night.  I would like to share one important point that was mentioned that really seems to help me:

The "Three-Second Rule:" If you see something inappropriate, implement the "three-second rule." Doing so involves three steps: alert, avert, and affirm. The first step is to realize that you're seeing something inappropriate. That's the "alert" stage, and it may take a second or two. The second step is to close your eyes or look away. That's the "avert" stage. These two steps should take place within [about] three seconds. The third step is to give yourself a mental "pat on the back" thinking something like, "I saw that by mistake, and I quickly looked away. I'm still clean and, b'Ezras Hashem, I'm going to build on that, one day at a time." That's the "affirm" stage.

Adhering to the three-second rule appears to be fully consistent with what the Halacha requires, and will also prevent any "slips" within rule #8 of the GYE Wall of Honor Rules. This is crucial, because as addicts, it's often the first slip that does us in ("just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip").


This "rule" has got to make it into the next edition of the GYE Handbook. I've been on a high since I heard it.

Many times, people on the forum say things like, "I looked away, but maybe I waited a drop longer than I had to". Then the Yetzer Hara makes this poor soul feel guilty, when he's done nothing wrong at all, and that can lead to slips and falls, c"v. The "three-second rule" recognizes that it may take a second or two to realize that something is amiss, and only then are you expected to look away.




The Blind Beggar is a character in Rebbe Nachman's story of the Seven Beggars.
If I view a woman as an object, I am powerless over lust, but I don't have to look.
I can guard my eyes.
I want to guard my eyes.
I do guard my eyes.
Why do I say these four lines?
Last Edit: 03 Nov 2011 10:37 by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 03 Nov 2011 12:41 #124050

  • Jackabbey
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1-2-3
brilliant
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Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 04 Nov 2011 07:10 #124259

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The three-second rule is a precious, precious tool, I use it all the time.
I found it difficult to remember to "affirm", but when I do, I say: You did the right thing, you're a good man, I don't care what your wife thinks about you....(if not applicable, just skip "you're a good man")
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 04 Nov 2011 07:27 #124263

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BB! Shkoyach!!
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Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 04 Nov 2011 17:08 #124313

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The only rule of looking that I am willing to use is the one I heard from a guy (who I think has a lot more recovery and sobriety than I have been given) in a meeting once. He said "The first look is on G-d (that is, His tab). The second look is on me (I pay for it)."

I can live with this 'rule', because it is obvious that there is nothing wrong, unhealthy, evil, or sick with me noticing that the woman standing opposite me in the elevator has a beautiful body or face. Whether one is an addict or in the normal struggling majority, it's Hashem's Will, apparently, for us to see.

The shayloh is, do I partake? Taking in her image is an act of reducing a real person to a sex object. But they are not. Pretending they are - or could be - for me, is just practicing lying.

So when I take a second look, it is on me. I'm paying! I sometimes say out-loudish (only I can hear it): "I'm paying for that look! Hah!", or, "She's really not mine, at all!" These looks are very costly, as they drag me down and deeper into un-clarity and unhappiness, always. They cost more than money...suddenly I am so spendthrift? That's why I can really laugh about it. On a good day, nothing makes me smile as much as seeing my own nuttiness and being able to laugh about it!

Nu. The analysis of these stages of each of the seconds makes my head spin. And incidentally, the only other person I have heard teach it to 'the masses' was another therapist...both women.

Maybe they deeply understand what I (as a guy) only understand grossly and experientially. Who knows?

Hey. The bottom line is not how it makes you feel or how smart it sounds, but how it works for you - or doesn't work for you.

Intentionally looking is always on me, even for one second, period. But I am pretty messed up.
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
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