Unfortunately I am here to report a fall to masturbation.

Here's my question: Is there a point of me being here if every 10 days I come back with another fall to masturbation?

To answer your question let’s quote the great Karl

Markz wrote on 07 Jan 2025 04:33:


I see you liked it.

Are you taking it to the next level?

Here's the thing MY DAYS ARE NOT PRODUCTIVE. PERIOD. If I would try your tactic it will be a dead on arrival.

PS I thanked it I didn't like it .

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 17 Jan 2025 00:40:

OK, so you give me a drive to continue.Feel free to press the thank you button even if you don’t like the idea of looking in the mirror. 

so here is my suggestion.Look in the mirror.What do you see?I see potential!I see a guy that is able to actually make his days productive.now here is my two cents.Stop counting days whether you masturbated or not. 
it’s a great tool which works so many people.You tried it and so far it is failing you.So drop it.Focus for the next 30 days to sharpen that handsome guy in the mirror, to actually make your days productive.Start counting one day at a time on this thread.Let us know how it goes.Dead on arrival is not an option

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 17 Jan 2025 00:16:

Fighting all the time and falling every 10 days is lightyears ahead of not fighting and falling every day. If being here is helping you with that that's totally a point. Personally I find what you're doing extremely impressive.

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 17 Jan 2025 00:40:

Hi from a fellow unproductiver! 
You want gripes? I got loads of them. 
One particular one is parnassah. Only around 3 or four weeks into my decision to stop P&M after over 20 years. I felt that Hashem took the rug out from under my feet. And although I'm surviving ish financially, it hasent picked up anything. Work is still extremely slow with only small amounts of money coming in. I sit around the house most days feeling very unneeded and very unproductive. I feel slightly hard done by that even though I cleaned myself up, I was not rewarded with any parnassah. It's not easy and sometimes I feel that I'm facing a challenge that isn't fair. 
HOWEVER, if I added P&M into the situation I am in now, things would be MUCH worse. My mental state would be a disaster. So I've decided that those things aren't a solution in any way, so I'll stay clean. But yes, complaints I have a lot of them. Alot alot. 

Shalom tzadik

This isn't a cynical response, but sometimes an extreme helps us understand; if I eat once a week chazir, and I maybe even have a premeditated way of doing it ( I have a rolling reservation at a restaurant ), does that mean I might as well add in another 6 aveiros and eat chazir every day? No! 
I'm not sugarcoating and saying therefore it is totally fine to do it once a week, but aino domeh someone who refrains from aveiros especially knowing he will fall sometime in the future, to someone who has yeush/despair and gives up, one is living and still fighting and the other isn't.

Focus on the 9 good days you do manage to be kadosh instead of the one negative

שבע יפול צדיק and through that וקם - ( Pahad yitzchak )

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 17 Jan 2025 00:40:


I love the honesty and support that is going on here!!

Here's my two cents;
Firstly I'd like to echo what @Markz just said, stop counting days it doesn't seem like it's working now, and probably just makes you depressed because you broke a "streak". That's not what Judaism is about, it's about every moment renewing yourself and your commitment to be your best self, your fall yesterday should not make you re-decide about your commitment and decision today, if that's what's happening It seems like it's just hurting you more, drop it now and maybe you can adopt it at a later point in life.

#2 Fighting this battle while accepting that you have a unproductive daily schedule, is like driving a car with a hole in the tire and constantly filling it up with air
You've got to plug the hole over hereThis is not about inspiration and motivation, If your determined to fight this battle You need to make sure your-SELF meaning your Neshama and Guf is filled up and and ready to rumble.You need to have at least something in your day that you feel productive doing, and ideally that you look forward to.

My advice-Stop prioritizing this whole battle with desire and acting out for now, and put a focus on making your day a little more productive, If you can't do it everyday, try at least every other day, I'm not saying it's easy and I'm not saying there's tons of options but in my experience, that's what you should be focusing your energy on, this is not about strategic plans and tactics to overtake the yetzer hara, It's a basic fundamental, You need to feel good about yourself, and love and respect the work you are doing. Ask yourself what in my life am I feeling good about? If you can't answer that question, you have to create answers so you can answer it, But that's the only way you can have the כלים to attempt to fight this battle.

I'm not sure where you're holding and if you are, But seeing a good therapist consistently may be able to help keep you accountable and can have huge potential to help you getting into a proactive mindset, it can really help you but ultimately you have to put in the work.


I think it's important to appreciate and recognize -you're at a beautiful place right now, your Neshama is screaming out, I have so much potential I want to tap into it I'm not ok living a life where I don't love what I'm doing, This can be a really painful journey, but ultimately if you tap into it it can help you love what you're doing instead of just "getting by" and "going through the motions"


I apologize I may have overstepped my boundaries too far I may not know you well enough to give you this whole speech, So you can definitely take this with a grain of salt, but ultimately I'm just speaking to myself out loud.


Remember Hashem is right here with you, call out to him at anytime, in any language, He loves you so much and that's the only reason why he's putting you through this challenge, It may be hard to feel, but I promise it's true!

Warmest regards and much love from my soul to yours Im holding your hand and giving you a huge hug throughout what may be a painful and challenging journey, and wishing you much bracha and clarity. I want to reiterate, this can be so so painful and feel like there's so many questions about no answers, But you'll get through this, Just stay honest and true to yourself.

I'm right here for you and so are so many other guys on this forum. We're all here rooting for you.
Keep up the great work!


Smokey

Lust lust you chase us till we bust,
You give us an hour and your back in power.

Something unexpected you caused tonight,
But with you anything is in sight.

For good I wish I can say goodbye,
But that would be telling myself a fat lie.

Luckily you aren't so strong on your own,
More like when life sucks you are in my zone.

With no words to say I go into bed,
Another day coming to enjoy or dread.

Had a fall to Porn and then Masturbation.

I have access on a certain device of mine but it takes a step or two to open it. I thought till now that it will hold me back, turns out I had some falls over time on it. I really should set up a taphsic for it, but I don't know if I am ready. Not because I want it to for now, more like it's hard to give up your last last access to "it''. I locked myself out of loopholes by setting up an admin and I was trying and trying to find stuff but didn't succeed, it was very frustrating. Then I remembered about the device, and went for the "gold". So giving this "precious" device up is very very hard for me.

On a good note something pretty good (potentially good) came up. I hope to have a lighter future.

Good Night,
It's Dark Here But GYE Gives Me A Little Bit Of Light

I guess it took me another dose of porn and masturbation to actually set up the taphsic method. Congrats to me! I set it up. Now without access (I hope) I will start counting one count for porn and one for masturbation. I wish myself the best of luck!

So do I, brother....

3 days Clean to P and M.

It's been a week of soberness on P and M. TBH I did not have any urges to act on. The urges to look on the streets I did have and did not win them.

Life still is sucking. Being in survival mode is an understatement but I am treading. I may not be out of breath from the treading so it can feel like I am happy with my day to day life, but just knowing that you are surviving really ain't good.

Joined a vaad. Didn't talk much but was nice to hear other real voices discussing the struggle. Thanks to all who are behind the vaadim.

Good Night Guys,
It's Dark In Here But I Think There's Light Somewhere

Another stupid Clean day with hours of screen time. Uch.