Hi Poedel. I'm not sure if I'm understanding you right. When you are describing these experiences in terms of communicating with unnatural beings are you giving a mashal for a more common place behavior? Or are you literally having experiences of communicating with shin dalets etc?

Dear Lamaazavtuni,
You might call it a kesher, but the one of a whore to it's client. I feel sorry for this kesher, but once in it it is hard to break out,. It's like "The hotel California": you can check out any time you want but you can never leave! Since you appear to know how to walk out iof such a "relationship" I would like to know from you: How did you menage to get out of it? What gave you the strenghth to walk out of it?
Yours,
Poedel

Poedel wrote on 30 Jan 2025 14:24:

Angels are male or at least sexless

OK, if you want to act in Katnut: Layla has a male and a female appearance. I prefer to relate to her as she. And you are not really helping me here, bro. Try to believe me. In any case: Go type Lailah in google: there is a wikipedia article about Lailah you should read!
Poedel

Poedel wrote on 30 Jan 2025 14:24:

Welcome to GYE poodle. Please excuse me for thinking that you might be a troll due to the outlandish nature of your dilemma. If you are not a troll, I strongly recommend that you meet with a competent Frum therapist. I am certain they can help you make some progress in your challenges 

peace brother.

Dear Chosemyshem,
No I am not a troll, but a regular frum Jew, and I have been meeting with a frum therapist for the last 26 years on a monthly basis. He has been very helpful, but could not help me with my dilemma. Sounds like a tough nut eh?
Oh and yes, I know it is outlandish, and sounds weird, but things like this do happen. Read parshat berishit at the end for some indication.
Yours,
Poedel

Dear Vehkam,
Well, yes, you are right, in total over the last 10 years I managed to stay clean for over 3800 days, so yes, you are right, I have reached a lot in those days, and I should keep that in mind. it is more the fact that I cannot quit the habbit intirely that frustrates me. "The battle of the generation" is from rabbi Twerstky, isn't it? I will look for it. I have read a chassidic book about guarding your eyes in Hebrew, which helped me for a while. I don't know if you have followed the discussion going on here, but like I pointed out, I am not alone, there is something with me, a שד that keeps tempting me, and fighting it makes the addcition very hard to beat. Any help is appreciated, from anybody!
Yours, 
Poedel.

Dear Simchastorah,
Thank you for our small chat this morning. To restate what I said there, and for the rest of my new friends here on the forum, I am actually communicating with a Shin dalet, who knows very well how to tempt me, and which makes quiting the habbit very diffiult. Needless to she does not leave out of her own voluntary will, and nobody managed so far to tell me how to get rid of her. I have been in therapy for 26 years with a frum therapist, but he is not really able to help me. He suggested Guard your Eyes years ago and I joined in 2014 as far as I remember. Ever since I have made a total of 3800 odd clean days, buit never managed to quit the habbit completely. Shin Dalets just love p**n! I hope to meet you again, I enjoyed talking to you!
Yours,
Poedel

I hear that you have this problem.
I’m really sorry to hear about it.

It seems that some other people on this form do not understand you….

Now, If it would be an actual Shin Dalet then you’d have a much bigger problem than requiring therapy.
You would have to go seek the greatest rabbis to try to get rid of it.

The fact that you’re not doing that, seems that you do not see this as an extremely dangerous life-threatening situation, which is what that could easily be.

Rather. this sounds like just another form of fantasizing because otherwise why could you not get video footage to show your therapist?
That did not exist in a good old days.

How about you go back to your therapist and ask him or her to help you how to deal with fantasizing?

Poedel wrote on 02 Feb 2025 13:55:

It took talkin' to Demons to get me back here. You're not alone! I converse with Demons daily. I frequent them at bars occasionally as well. They have a firm grip on me and I like the feelin'. It is on account of them that I don't really wanna stop. I've been here for over a decade and have had lots of successes, thank the Good Lord, but the time spent with the Demons far outweighs any spiritual upliftin' experienced due to productive efforts. 

Godspeed to you

Welcome, Poedel!

The battle between darkness and light in our spirits and life takes place on many levels and layers.

The simplest level is that of action in this world. Our actions are influenced by our desires and drives, which are impacted by our deeper spiritual aspects and essence. Those spiritual aspects of ourselves can be acted upon through influence of other spiritual forces. Prayer, for example, the merits of Torah Learning and Tzedoka, Mikva and similar can create positive spiritual influence in this battle. There are actions and situations in can influence us in the other direction as well . 

The Seforim Hakedoshim describe situations where unclean forces have greater energy, and situations in which an individual is more vulnerable to their influence and energy. A destroyed home is said to harbour forces of uncleanliness, and folks are more vulnerable to falling into sin there. The Gemora teaches that sleeping alone, especially in a room without a Mezuza leaves a person vulnerable to the influence of Lilith, described as having long, wiild hair, and I’ll stop there.
A lot of guys know that they are more vulnerable when alone in a hotel room. Is this part of the reason? Only Hashem knows. 

However, according to my understanding, the way we have been taught , by our Rabbis, to combat ALL negative spiritual influences, both from within and without, is the same. We need to work on what’s accessible to us. And that is our actions. Thoughts. Feeling. Desires. Controlling our situations. True, there are unclean forces that crave, and influence that part of us that craves porn and other unsavory desires. But we fight the inner and outer Yeitzer Horaah by connecting with friends and, trying to use learn methods and skills that will help put us in a place of Tahara. 

Does Lilith hover in the shadows of of the hotel room, waiting to ensnare me? Maybe. All I know is I’ll do anything to stay the hell away from spending a night alone in a hotel room by myself. And if I have to, I’ll spend most of the time out of it, and have a chavrusa check up on me… 

GYE has been a place of hope for me. I have watched others who were in sweaty grip of darkness and shadow break free. There is a ray of bright hope and sunshine that lances through the flame-filled shadows.

Take my hand, it’s warm. Let’s try to step forward, together, into the light,
Ok, brother? 

chaimoigen

The Battle of the Generation is written by Hillel S. It is available on Amazon. If you send me a message I would be happy to get you a copy. Keep counting your successes.

Poedel wrote on 02 Feb 2025 13:46:

How is it possible to have 3800 clean days over ten years, if there are only 3652.42 days over a ten year span?

also, do you have video evidence of the demon? If not, why not? That would probably go viral and you could become rich and famous. Just sayin’

Dear Time2win,
Your remark made me check my facts again, and it became clear to me that i joined GYE on 17.2.2014 so it has been actually allmost 15 years. Since you are good at maths, you can figure out yourself how many days I actually was here. And for your information: demons are a spititual force, and de facto impossible to film. Just as you cannot film your own soul. Because if you could film your soul, it would mean it is physical only and therefore materialism would be right and every religion would be nonsense. Just saying
Yours, Poedel

Dear Markz,
I have been talking on a monthly basis to a frum therapist about this for 26 years now, and almost throughout the therapy I talked about this issue (Fantasizing), and no, he has not been able to solve the problem. If it was just fantasy, you are right, it would be solvable by therapy. Well, I have been talking about this for years and it did not help me. I think I am dealing with some spiritual force, whatever that means. Did you think when I am talking about a shin Dalet, that she is red, with horns and everything? No, she is spritual, like a voice I can communicate with, and that can give me sensations in and around my body. Don't ask to explain this, I can't. Some people on this forum think a shin dalet is soome kind of thing you can film, or record, that everybody can see it. No, it is something just me myself has to deal with. It looks like people here don't really know what a spirit is. Read chassidic stories, or the live of Joseph Caro, or the Ba'al Shem Tow, they had a spritual force they could communicate with. Now you might say: What are you comparing yourself to? I don't, just saying that spirits do exist, and that I am one of these people who are able to communicate with them. Maybe reading the psychologist C.G. Jung might explain to you what I mean: Read him! Something to think about
Yours, 
Poedel