Ask someone on here to be your chaver. 

Hey man just wanted to tell you that I got a lot of chizuk from reading through your thread. Keep it up and Hatzlachah!
A filter I found very helpful is techloq, in times of struggle I tried to get through it and had no success what so ever. I'm not particularly savvy but it might be worth trying it out if you think it could help.

Hi, 
I read in a book about alcoholics anonymous that an important part of recovery and staying clean from addiction is to help others, so it would seem to be a good thing to do. At the same time, you have to know yourself and try to be as honest as possible, if it will lead to triggering situations then it is not K'dai. You could also try and feel out a thread and pick a few popular ones that you follow and comment on.
Good Luck! We're all rooting for you!

Hopefulposek wrote on 18 Oct 2023 18:12:

I use techloq... It's very good.

Well it's been a really crappy couple days.

Fell wednesday like I thought I would. Then of course once the streak is gone Thursday and Friday were easy prey.
And, it's been getting me in trouble at work because tasks aren't getting done because I'm busy with this garbage. And then I come home grumpy (and late because I'm too busy to pull myself away) and it gets my wife pissed at me.
A really lousy couple days.
Will I ever stop loving porn? I could;ve held myself back wednesday but I just didn't have the motivation. it felt like porn was more imporntant. Even though I knew where it would lead.

Well at least it's shabbos soon. Fresh start next week I guess. I hope.

Do you have an accountability partner?

Hashem Help Me wrote on 20 Oct 2023 16:47:

I don't. I tried matching up to someone through the GYE partner program but no one ever responded.
It's also hard because my wife has access to my phone and email so the only way I could think of to keep in touch with a partner is through the chat here. Which I don't have constant access to.
And I'm way to ashamed to ask anyone in real life to be my accountability partner. Even though I'm sure my Rov or some of my friends could do a great job of it. But that's never gonna happen.

I do think that would be very helpful to me if you have any tips on how to make it work?

If you make up with someone to keep in touch by phone, then your wife could see that you called, but not anything you discuss. Try pming hhm

Chooseurname wrote on 20 Oct 2023 17:56:

I don’t know how much value there is in a phantom partner. Try a live one that you know. It works for me and can do for you too. 

Tell me, are you beyond hope if you slip up and see inappropriate stuff on your device?

I hope your answer is no. Well then in that case, a friend as a partner is a worthwhile investment 

Keep on Trucking!!

You dont have to tell them anything thats going on. Just say you were inspired to take an extra measure of shmira, or you feel everyone needs to do this, or you doing it as a zechus for someone or to be an example.

It works better davka because you're ashamed for them to know any of your struggles.

I appreciate the encouragement @Markz and @retrych, and maybe this is just me making excuses. But I have way too much shame about this to reach out to anyone who knows me personally. And if I pretend it's just an extra shmira like retrych suggested I'm inevitably going to be too embarrassed to admit when I am slipping.

Ditch this whole shame crap. 
shame is for when you decide to give up the fight. You're here because you want to get free. The past already happened. Now you're a human being with human emotions and weakness stuck in a porn trap. There's no shame being here now. (not that its something to be proud of)
if you dont feel comfortable with sharing this with someone you know, that's fine. But dont let this block you from reaching out to someone who can help.
yes its not exactly a party, but the shame of knowing you didn't reach out will be much worse. 

ainshumyeiush wrote on 23 Oct 2023 17:07:

Powerful.

But, when I think about sharing this with anyone I definitely feel shame. I agree I shouldn't let this stop me, but it's difficult. Chazal say being shamed is like being murdered, I don't think it's fair to expect someone to shrug that away instantly and confide (what's they personally experience as) a shameful secret to someone.

Fair enough. But there's a reason why telling your story is part of the 12 step process. It can take a huge weight off your shoulders. Reach out to hhm. Hes very not judgemental. Or at least pm/email him. I know its not going to be easy and it might take time for you to be ready to do it, but its worth it. Everyone here who has had success mentioned how telling someone helped them.
you dont have to share all the gory facts. But give it a try, at least halfway.

 I totally get it when I first started I couldn't imagine actually talking to an actual person so I just started with posting and bh now I am seeing progress and being that I am seeing progress bh makes me feel less ashamed and tense to think about  reaching  out to someone (which I still haven't but iyh planning on ) so maybe just start posting to get the weight off ur shoulders and work on these issues and it'll be easier to look at yourself and feel less ashamed and then it will be easier to discuss with someone