Day 17
I think I'm starting to come around to long term battle/ODAAT mindset. Also to the idea of hopefully not but potentially having slips and falls along the road.
This perspective may not work for everyone but if I were chas v'shalom a sex offender and created my own fences which I could tear down if I really wanted to (even if I had partners, support groups etc.) and there was temptation constantly in my face (and let's say there were no cops) would anyone be surprised if I fell? I think they would be amazed that I lasted this long
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/wink.png)
And then to get up, brush off and keep on trucking? That feels almost L'Maalah min Hateva
Are we that different, really?
This may be demoralizing for some but I actually find it refreshing. The mishna in Avos admonishes 'don't believe in yourself until the day you die'. R' Pincus mentions that they found in the Kabbalos of the Atler of Kelm 'not to be a complete Rasha'. All this to say that even those who aren't addicted have the potential to fall to the bottom...how much more so those of us who have already tasted forbidden pleasures.
I think the other aspect is that there is a part of me who says 'but aren't I cut out for better things than constantly fighting this yetzer hara of arayos (or P&M in my case)'? And I think the true answer is...no! This is my tafkid now. Perhaps prior to this it didn't have to be a focus but it does now. Not to say other things in my life don't have high priority but I imagine in Shamayim in my goals for the year, P&M are gonna be there in the top 3 or 5 for the rest of my life along with being nice to the wife and kids (and torah learning, davening of course).