We are here to help you, tzadik.

If you ever need to, feel free to PM one of us to strategize, vent or just for a shoulder to cry on...

​We feel your pain and "have your back" 100%

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Mazal tov on 68! You are one of the heroes here. A true role model.

Keep climbing, 
Don't let nothing stand in your way, 

Keep believing,
Pay no attention to what they say, 

Up is where you belong, 
It's dark and lonely down below. 

Ouch.

But how are we celebrating 68?

Dear my dear friend, Looking to improve,

When I first saw your post last night, my immediate reaction was a true sense of pain/feeling for the test you are being put through now. The ups and the downs. I honestly felt like crying.   I both went to bed and woke up thinking about you. I Davened for you too.

 It is really not easy, in fact it is really hard. We all know too well this 'down' feeling after falling especially after a long streak. I was doing this for many years. I also had those times where I felt it coming and eventually it did, but know that pushing it off as much as possible is a big tool in breaking free. I can also testify that every time we fall and get back up again it's a huge step closer to breaking free.  Strengthening ourselves immediately after a fall is a very powerful tool, it gives us the ability to rewire our brain, because we are sending messages to our brain that even though we feel down, falling further in this area is not how I deal with these down feelings. In fact I pat myself on the back for my progress until now and I move on. I've been closely monitoring your progress, written with such honesty and clarity. You're actually a stage closer to breaking free than before you fell because this is the way we eventually break free, by keeping at it, by continuing to fight. During war soldiers can't afford to take a break

What's ever so important at the moment is to be careful not to doubt your ability to one day break free. I guarantee you that you can get there, and will do, if you keep at it. You have such a beautiful life ahead of you. So many people will be jealous of you one day.

Continue being a source of inspiration to all.

Over the past 68 days you've grown as a person in a tremendous way, you've given yourself the greatest gift of all -self-discipline. This will help you in all areas of life.

It's amazing that you only viewed porn for 2 minutes. That itself is mussar to me. Also very important is that 66 days is not about reaching day 68 it's about 68 single clean days, it's about getting through one day, 66 times. That can never be taken away from you. The yetzer hora often tells us were back at square one. It’s the greatest LIE. You're back at where you left off with a small hump on the way.

I guarantee you that you can get there.

Now I request and beg you, for the sake of all of us, don't stop posting, continues we need you.

With nothing less than true love & admiration,

Your brother, Excellence

Just 2 more points I missed out in my recent post.

1-      What I personally find hard at the beginning of a new streak, is the tremendous desire to start seeing the numbers move on. Every day I wish I was already another few days ahead. In reality this is wrong. As Chazal tell us numerous times that our focus has to be about TODAY and only today. If we manage to get to the end of today clean we should feel fulfilled. Tomorrow will be another today. This cannot be stressed enough. ODAAT is not just a strategy, it's an approach/ outlook with all battles.

2-      The Pasuk saysה נגדך כל תאותי ואנחתי ממך לא נסתרה  I once read an explanation as follows: Hashem you know my Ta'avos, you know how hard it is and you know that I have fallen, but the comforting thing is that ואנחתי ממך לא נסתרה- the sigh and pain that I have after the fall is likewise not hidden from YOU. YOU take that sigh and it means to you. You know it's an expression of my love of you. An expression that I care, because I do care. I don't want to fall. This is what Hashem wants to see- our reaction after the fall.

Thinking of you,

Wishing you an easy day,

Excellence

Wow, thank you everyone for the outpouring of support, I really appreciate you all looking out for me!

I acted out today during the lunch break. I barely had any desire, and then a minute later I went to the bathroom and masturbated. I'm not feeling so down right now, but I could have done better. I don't need to roll around in the mud just because I fell once.

I'm gonna speak to my mentor tonight, and catch up with him. Also emailed my filter company to try get the issue sorted. It's funny how there was a loophole for 50 something days, and it wasn't an issue, but I've it was semi-sorted, it became an issue again

BH I'm clean since this afternoon. Sounds a bit strange to say that, but makes me appreciate 68 days a lot more. Felt more vunderable than normal today and less in control of myself.

Wow that is amazing that you made it to 68 days! You have a lot to be proud of and go celebrate!! 

Sheva yipol tzadik v'kam! The secret to success if how quickly one gets back up after a fall. look back only if it will help you move forward, but don't let it drag you down.

Keep up the great work!

Day 1
Mostly a good day today bH. Have a taiva to look at porn now, probably best to go to sleep now. 

Acted out again this morning, masturbated to porn.
I'm lacking willpower to fight right now, I need to get going again. Need to stop rolling around in the mud.

How did you watch pornography? You had previously written that the loophole was fixed?

Either way, get back up and keep climbing. Your thread is very inspiring, and iyh your ability to move on will be a chizuk for loads of guys.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 29 Jan 2021 12:23:

It's 'fixed' but it doesn't really work, it's simple to get around. I emailed my filter company again about it. 

Frustrated at the fact I've fallen again, either it means I've not made a concrete decision to stop, or I have and just can't carry out what I set out to do

Cut it out buddy. You have already proven that you have the ability. Don't let a bump in the road get you down. We all have rough moments. Maybe reach out and start helping other guys here. It will be a strong incentive for you to stay clean. That was definitely a big part of my refuah. You don't realize how much knowledge you have acquired and how much validation, chizuk, and advice you have to offer.

That low-slung, slick-tired racecar is really fast as long as the road is smooth and dry. But one little bump or patch of oil and it's spinning off into the tire wall.
Time to switch to a big knobby-tired Monsta Truck that will slog through the mud and crush whatever is in your way!

I feel for you so much. Its hard to get going again sometimes, especially after falling after a long streak. I may not be as smart as a lot of the people here, but I do want to share with you something that works for me when I have the urge. What I do is I listen to inspiring music, and that music almost completely undoes the urge. I go from 1 minute of coming close to falling to about 5 minutes later (or so) feeling back in control.

But this isnt a vaccine for the disease. You still need to work on yourself to keep a clean mind and move forward as best as you can. But during those moments where your concentration slips or you feel like you can't go on anymore, I have found that it can be a huge help. Give it a try!

Have a great shabbos!!