BHYY, you got this! Hang in there!
Is there anything else you can do to ride the waves here until they pass? Go for a run, pushups, bais medrash, etc.?

BHYY wrote on 17 Jan 2021 19:03:

Once small step for pleasure...

                One giant step for pain...

                                     You got this...

Still have an urge but going strong. Not going to give in.
Going to learn now.

We are holding by Parshas Bo and I heard the following amazing vort from Rav Ephraim Eliyahu Shapiro.

The worst of the makkos was choshech. (Excluding makas bechoros which was in a league of itself, none of the other makkos started with “makas”). Out of the first 9, the worst of the makkos was choshech. Why? There were many other makkos that had much larger loss of human and animal life!

R’ Shabsi Yudilevitz said that because in the first 8 makkos they had each other. In choshech they were alone. People can tolerate a lot of things, but one thing many people cannot tolerate is being alone. So firstly, I want to thank all of my chaveirim here on GYE from the bottom of my heart for being there for me at all hours of the day and making it that I don’t go through this alone.

And to those who may be reading the forums but who haven’t taken the plunge and started posting, please do. Please start a thread, share your story and get it out. Reach out to others who are in the same predicament as you, whether by email, text, or call. Don’t go through this alone! I tried and failed for years. Don’t believe me? Read through my first thread and note the date stamps, the long hiatuses between posts. Also not that not much progress was made when I tried going at it myself. I opened up and reached out to other members of the site. Starting with texting and then calling and finally meeting in person. I met with a close Rebbe and told him my whole story. No one should have to go through this alone. We are all in this together.

The battle is so much easier to win with everyone’s support, chizuk, and love.

So please, join us.

B’chasdei Hashem I made it through today clean. Thank you all for your help and Chizuk. I couldn’t have done it without you. 
Today marks one full week clean!

Today B”H is 8 days clean. I have something amazing to share. 
Where I work in the afternoon there are other frum women. B”H with my dollars method I for the most part look away when passing one in the hallway but there was always that feeling, that thought. Today I passed on my way to Mincha and there were no sexual thoughts. No objectifying. Just she’s a human, just like me. 

Wow! You are amazing! 

BHYY wrote on 19 Jan 2021 00:48:

Liberating, isn't it. 

Grant400 wrote on 19 Jan 2021 01:41:

Extremely!

9 days clean B’chasdei Hashem. 
Shidduchim, as per the usual agreement, are driving me crazy. There still is that anxiety but I feel that there is this different clarity and calmness that comes with staying clean. I feel able to think clearer about certain things and don’t just stress out.
ODAAT

Today marks 10 days clean, or as Bigmoish would say, 10 one days all strung together.
I had to go into an often triggering location (a supermaket in an area where the standards of tznius are pushed) and B"H I kept my head down and got my business done with. I even called a GYE friend in order to be accountable. I used to blame the situation, "Well they don't dress tzniusdig, they basically force me to" and go in to enjoy the scenery. But not today!
Thank you Hashem!

I feel amazing. Those following my thread know that shidduchim really throw me on an emotional rollercoaster and in the past I’ve had trouble feeling b’simcha for my friends when they got engaged and married. Well today is different. Since I really started working on myself something changed. My really close friend has been dating and is going seriously with someone. Whenever he tells me he has a date and I know the shidduch is still ‘on’ I don’t despair anymore. I’m actually happy for him! I’m just waiting to hear the good news from him! I mamish feel it in my heart!
No matter that he is younger than me, he recently started dating where I’ve been dating for over a year, he even asked me advice as he was the “newbie”. No matter. I’m not jealous. The clarity in my head is absolutely indescribable. 

BHYY wrote on 21 Jan 2021 15:40:

These are the words of a real man.

I'm heading home for Shabbos soon. Another challenge. Bez"H I will succeed but I have to be very careful. I'm not going to lie, I'm scared. Scared but hopeful. One isn't supposed to ask for Nisyonos as we learned from Dovid HaMelech but I guess I have no choice here...
As DavidT stated, I need to Daven. I will also not even touch an unfiltered device. And finally I will post here at least once a day to update on my status.
Thank you all for your chizuk, you all helped me get through last Shabbos clean and bez"H this Shabbos as well.
Just gotta remember

Don't be scared; just be prepared!