Hi! I have been coming to gye for about a year and a half but this is my 1st post on the forums.
Last year I had a clean streak of 183 days but then I fell and since then I have been up and down with smaller clean streaks and less acting out in between. 
Recently though I have been falling too often so I decided even though it's difficult for me I will start a thread to hold myself more accountable. 

Welcome home!
We’re here for you always, no matter what.
Maybe tell us more about yourself and ur struggles?

Welcome A.S!

My first post was difficult aswell.

You will not regret it!

Care to share more details of where you are holding?

Thanks! 
I have been struggling with masturbation from a little bit after my bar mitzva and started watching porn after I got married.
I had many ups and downs before I discovered gye and I can relate to so much that other guys have posted on the forum. 
Gye has definitely helped me so much already and I really hope that by posting here often I can get back to 180 plus

I have such a urge to masturbate right now and I really want to... 
BUT
I decided to post here when I feel like falling so here goes.
I know that I will regret it BIG time tomorrow. 
I will wake up late...
I will have a hard time davening and learning because of the guilt.
I will be more irritable with my wife & kids
it's just not worth it!

This is such a difficult struggle!
Others might argue but what  helped me was to calm down.
Try reading a book, maybe even relax with a coffee/tea?

anothershot wrote on 04 Jan 2021 06:02:

Great CBA! So, did a fleeting moment of animalistic pleasure win over a cheerful productive day?

B"H no way! Still going strong!
BTW R' Grant I love your story can't wait for the next chapter! 

Wow B”H I made it to 7 days clean!
I realize that I need to work harder on eliminating triggers so that I won’t relapse. Bl”n I won’t go on YouTube or Facebook (unless necessary for parnassah reasons) for the next 7 days

WOW!! B"H 1 full day w/o YouTube & Facebook and I'm still alive!! הודו לה" כי טוב!! 

Wow!
You made the trek through one of the worlds most ferocious jungles!
And your alive!

I'm still wondering to myself if it's "worth" the risk. I go back and forth.....BEZ"H I will have the strength to do what you accomplished.

Thanks for your honest and courageous posts. Iyh yo will have lots of hatzlocha.

anothershot wrote on 07 Jan 2021 05:43:

Here's a question: Although it was hard to resist, and the temptation was there, did it feel liberating in any way not to be tied (almost against your will) to them?

I'm on my 3rd day now and absolutely Yes  I feel so much better!!
Usually I start by watching a clip that I want to see then that turns into 57 more clips.
Now when I start to think OK I want to check this thing out on YouTube or just chill for 5 minutes and watch 1 clip on Facebook I don't even start which has already saved me a couple of hours of my life!!! 

I am having a rough time now feeling overwhelmed with lust and I'm scared that I'm going to fall tonight any eitzas?