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One step at a time...
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: One step at a time... 580 Views

One step at a time... 17 Jan 2021 14:05 #361437

  • anothershot
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Hi gye brothers! 

I was at my doctor a few weeks ago and of course we where discussing diet & exercise. 
He told me the reason he believes most people in America that are overweight and unhealthy is because we are being told its all or nothing...
You need to eat a specific diet that is crazy restrictive or you are finished or you need to exercise 30 minutes daily or you won't lose weight.

The problem is that most people can't maintain the strict diet for a long time and most people can't exercise for 30 minutes daily so they just give up altogether and do nothing because what's the point ill never succeed anyways. 

He suggested instead to make small lifestyle changes to your diet that you can realistically can keep. 
Exercise even for a few minutes daily weekly or monthly. 
The point is that it should be something that you can say I do this consistently and this will teach you consistency and in the long run you will have more success.
Over 10 years the guy that exercised daily for 10 minutes is better off then the guy that did 30 minutes once every 2 months. 

I was thinking this can really apply to us in GYE as well. There are all types of stories on gye of guys being successful and guys not yet being successful one common piece of advice is to focus on being clean today not on being clean for 90 days or nothing. 

I am starting this thread as a place that anyone can post any small or big step that they are taking or took to get Clean. 
A few examples....
1. I won't go on YouTube today
2. I will be careful with shmiras einyanim today on my walk to yeshiva
3. When I pass a certain billboard I will look away
4. No secular music today
5. Exercise for 5 minutes today

The list goes on and on....
whatever you feel will help you in your struggle take it on for just a hour or that day or longer.

I am hoping that this will be a chizuk to newcomers and to those that are struggling for a long time to break free that with small steps and small victories everyday you can overcome this and become clean. 
Most importantly you can say I am working on myself every day to become better and become Clean even if you don't see results in the beginning over time you will succeed! 
My threads:
Giving it another shot

One step at a time

Daily (I hope) Excerpt from Sefer Zos Brisi

I am going to beat this monster one step at a time... One day at a time!

Re: One step at a time... 17 Jan 2021 14:08 #361438

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I'll go 1st
I was having urges last week and a few guys suggested doing exercise can help so I have been going on the treadmill everyday for the past 5 days adding a minute each day. 
Now my treadmill is for more than hanging laundry! 
My threads:
Giving it another shot

One step at a time

Daily (I hope) Excerpt from Sefer Zos Brisi

I am going to beat this monster one step at a time... One day at a time!

Re: One step at a time... 17 Jan 2021 20:46 #361462

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A plan involving gradual change often is the best way to attain self-control. If a person just “does not feel it,” it will be hard for him to change his life. Though he knows he should stop sinning, he might not have the strength to sustain such a big change. But because deep down he wants to be good and do what’s right, he can set up a plan to change his behavior step by step until he achieves his goals. This method requires much less motivation and willpower than instantaneous, complete change.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: One step at a time... 18 Jan 2021 13:51 #361495

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To all the new guys to GYE & lurkers (me literally 3 weeks ago) that aren't ready to start their own thread on the forums
I have a challenge for you.... 
Post here a little about yourself & what you're doing to win this fight now today. 

You never know the impact that you will have on others that are struggling with you. When we post our struggles and tips to overcome them it helps ourselves and all the guys reading it. 

Your first post is always the hardest but it's so worth it! When you post you feel so much more accountable and you will feel more invested in your recovery. 
Remember it's 100% anonymous & 100% free no hidden charges!
My threads:
Giving it another shot

One step at a time

Daily (I hope) Excerpt from Sefer Zos Brisi

I am going to beat this monster one step at a time... One day at a time!

Re: One step at a time... 18 Jan 2021 21:33 #361519

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Baby steps...
I am mekabel bl'n for 1 week not be on the internet for any purpose other than a work related issue after 1 AM.
I am mekabel bl"n for 1 week not to  be on GYE for a cumulative total of more than 1 hour a day. (This step will be reevaluated mid week)
I can explain reasons for both,but not sure this thread is for that or just to state your new steps you are taking.
Thank you
Last Edit: 18 Jan 2021 21:40 by Lou.

Re: One step at a time... 18 Jan 2021 22:32 #361521

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Lou wrote on 18 Jan 2021 21:33:
Baby steps...
I am mekabel bl'n for 1 week not be on the internet for any purpose other than a work related issue after 1 AM.
I am mekabel bl"n for 1 week not to  be on GYE for a cumulative total of more than 1 hour a day. (This step will be reevaluated mid week)
I can explain reasons for both,but not sure this thread is for that or just to state your new steps you are taking.
Thank you

1st off thanks for posting & hatzlacha! 
For sure feel free to post the reasons for your kabalos if you are comfortable!
Your 1st one makes perfect sense but I am curious about your second one... 
Thanks! 
Anothershot
My threads:
Giving it another shot

One step at a time

Daily (I hope) Excerpt from Sefer Zos Brisi

I am going to beat this monster one step at a time... One day at a time!

Re: One step at a time... 19 Jan 2021 01:12 #361535

  • Zedj
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I'm gonna jump on the bandwagon and have my phone on zen mode at 12:00 tonight (bli neder).

I hope to eventually have a better sleeping schedule.

Re: One step at a time... 19 Jan 2021 04:39 #361545

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anothershot wrote on 18 Jan 2021 22:32:

Lou wrote on 18 Jan 2021 21:33:
Baby steps...
I am mekabel bl'n for 1 week not be on the internet for any purpose other than a work related issue after 1 AM.
I am mekabel bl"n for 1 week not to  be on GYE for a cumulative total of more than 1 hour a day. (This step will be reevaluated mid week)
I can explain reasons for both,but not sure this thread is for that or just to state your new steps you are taking.
Thank you

1st off thanks for posting & hatzlacha! 
For sure feel free to post the reasons for your kabalos if you are comfortable!
Your 1st one makes perfect sense but I am curious about your second one... 
Thanks! 
Anothershot

Thank you.
I will try to keep my reasoning brief and I could always discuss further if anyone would like to. There are 2 basic goals I have for cleaning up my act. One is stay away from the shmutz due to it's harmful effects. Goal #2 is to be more engaged in "life" (wife,kids,learning,davening,work etc). I think  these 2 kabalos will help me more with accomplishing goal number 2.

Re: One step at a time... 19 Jan 2021 14:09 #361561

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I learned from the Sefer Zos Brisi this morning for 5 minutes.
I am mekabel bl”n to learn from it for 5 minutes tomorrow morning.
My threads:
Giving it another shot

One step at a time

Daily (I hope) Excerpt from Sefer Zos Brisi

I am going to beat this monster one step at a time... One day at a time!
Last Edit: 19 Jan 2021 14:10 by anothershot.

Re: One step at a time... 20 Jan 2021 13:41 #361635

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Just learned from Zos Brisi again this morning. There is such a difference... I can't bring myself to open this sefer during the times that I'm acting out frequently but now that I'm clean for 3 weeks B"H I see that it's mamash gold!

Hatzlacha to all! 
Anothershot 
My threads:
Giving it another shot

One step at a time

Daily (I hope) Excerpt from Sefer Zos Brisi

I am going to beat this monster one step at a time... One day at a time!

Re: One step at a time... 20 Jan 2021 13:46 #361636

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anothershot wrote on 20 Jan 2021 13:41:
Just learned from Zos Brisi again this morning. There is such a difference... I can't bring myself to open this sefer during the times that I'm acting out frequently but now that I'm clean for 3 weeks B"H I see that it's mamash gold!

Hatzlacha to all! 
Anothershot 

Maybe you can start a thread, and post a one paragraph synopsis of what you learned that day? It can be a great chizuk for us.
I can be reached at: Grant.400@yahoo.com

Re: One step at a time... 21 Jan 2021 05:35 #361664

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Great idea Grant! I'll try to start it up tomorrow morning. 
BTW Mazal Tov on hitting 100 keep going strong! 
My threads:
Giving it another shot

One step at a time

Daily (I hope) Excerpt from Sefer Zos Brisi

I am going to beat this monster one step at a time... One day at a time!

Re: One step at a time... 21 Jan 2021 15:12 #361680

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In sefer Zos Brisi he brings from R Wosner ZT"L
A person's spiritual state is primarily dependent on his level of shmiras habris. 
Sins of this sort seem sweet for the moment but are bitter in the end... They bring depression, lack of satisfaction with life and rob a person of Simcha hachaim. 
But if one is careful with shmiras habris it brings joy and spiritual strength, Simcha hachaim and the gates of Torah and yiras shamayim stand open before him! 

Not that R Wosner ZT"L needs my haskoma at all but I have to say that as someone that has been in both situations I have experienced first hand that all the above is 100% true. 
I am a different person when I am clean for a decent amount of time. But when I am on the "wrong side" oh man that's not the version of myself that I want to see. 
My threads:
Giving it another shot

One step at a time

Daily (I hope) Excerpt from Sefer Zos Brisi

I am going to beat this monster one step at a time... One day at a time!

Re: One step at a time... 25 Jan 2021 07:27 #361874

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Lou wrote on 18 Jan 2021 21:33:
Baby steps...
I am mekabel bl'n for 1 week not be on the internet for any purpose other than a work related issue after 1 AM.
I am mekabel bl"n for 1 week not to  be on GYE for a cumulative total of more than 1 hour a day. (This step will be reevaluated mid week)
I can explain reasons for both,but not sure this thread is for that or just to state your new steps you are taking.
Thank you

I just want to report that although I started off well with these kabalos it did not stick. Not a huge disaster as they were really "extras". However, I am thinking how to do something similar that may work better.
Thanks

Re: One step at a time... 25 Jan 2021 12:52 #361884

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Hey Lou it's great that you're trying and not giving up!
Does your filter allow you to block the web at a certain time?
My threads:
Giving it another shot

One step at a time

Daily (I hope) Excerpt from Sefer Zos Brisi

I am going to beat this monster one step at a time... One day at a time!
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