I am a young bochur in third year Mesivta.
Today is the day immediately following Yom Kippur and I have already fallen. I have been a pornography addict for 2 years now and am desperately trying to break free. Additionally, 1 1/2 years ago, before I knew what it was or that it was Assur, I began masturbating and cannot stop no matter how hard I try.
I need help!
Probably more with the masturbating because there is no filter for such a thing. I have already done so, right after Yom Kippur.
HKB"H, have Rachmanus on your children!!!

Please help as living at home it is hard to call in or do some things on this site. I need all of your chizulk and help and if anyone has any tips about stopping masturbating PLEASE, PLEASE tell me.
I feel like a Rosha.
Please help me as I am young and alone in my struggle.

First of all welcome to GYE. You are not alone in this struggle, it is one we all share. And you're not a rosho, it's just a very hard job we've been given. Hey, when I was your age I masturbated on yom kippur.

The place to start is to read the GYE handbook and sign up to the chizzuk emails.

It's not just that this is a hard job to do, this is the primary job of a man, the hardest and most important. And especially in our generation we are being tested to our very limits. We have been specially chosen by HKB''H for this important task and we should feel priviledged to be selected to fight on the front line of this most important battle.

Hatzlocho raboh in the fight.

welcome to gye,

When I was in 11th grade a few years ago I had the same problem and wasn't even working on it.Ashrecha that you came here before it got worse.

You came to the right place, and you're definitely not alone.
Don't worry, you can do this.Keep posting, thoughts, problems, and anything else you like.

What's your plan for now?

Hatzlacha!

Shalom Alechem TB!!!!!

ive only been here a week, but still wana welcome you ansd say its good to have some single guys here to. (i get the feeling evry1 here is married beside me )

any who, some things you should know and remember

1: the fact that your here shows 2 things, A: you dont WANT to do what your doing,and B: your doing something proactive to stop it, just by being here. i know how you feel so much, ill put in a link to my story but in short i have been Ming and watching porn since i was 12. im 22 now. its almost not somethign you can control. and untill i foudn this site, i didnt think there was any way to actively try and help my self beside just stoping cold turkey. by joining this site and being a part of it, it helps so much in the struggle and it SHOWS your not a rasha, you just have a nisayon/ problem that you are working on very much.
2: as i have only been clean for about a week, i dont have thaaat much experience in the stoping department, but fear not, for there are alot of guys here who have been clean for BH along time. it seems doable. the first step is to read the handbook, listen to some of the shiurim, and just read peoples post. honestly reading other peoples posts has given me suuuch chizuk, knowing im not the only one in the world with this problem. and also, (the hard part) is just taking it one day at a time. you cant say you will quite for ever, bc then when Cv's you fall you feel terrible and just give up. one day at a time.
3: funny story, ihave done Ming almost every yom kippur until this year. idk why its just liek its extra hard not to on the hoyest day of the year. might be bc the satan is working over time then. just a thought. basicly dont beat your self up. your doing what you can and the real test is after you fall. will you get up again?

a gmar tov and welcome!

guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/218632-Insert-Witty-Title-Here#218803

I think we have enogh bachurim here to to start yeshivas bein hazmanim. Anyways,

welcome from another fellow bachur.

A thought:
We have a major advantage: We BH have the opportunity to tackle this problem before pulling another person into it... On the other hand, it sometimes hard - we don't have an upset wife that just caught us, and is pulling us to the rov.. Sometimes I think. Who am I gonna hurt?
But we have to see that what's ahead. We have, or will reach the shidduch age very shortly. Nobody will know the truth. Chuppah and kids iyh.. It will go so fast... Its not like fear will get us anywhere (peolpe still smoke - even though they know it kills
)
But we can look a few years down the line, seeing how we will be destroying a family and marriage ch'v. And that can be a true motivator. A motivator to do whatever necessary. (aka: hitting rock bottom while still on the top)

Make sure to read the handbook and keep posting! Let us know how things are going!
There are other bachurim that will gladly help you

I thank you all for your kindness and Chizuk.
It really warms my heart and Neshama.
I actually have hope that I may break free - I know it is almost iminent that I will fall but now I know I have people ready to listen to me and help me get back on track.

My goal for now is to take it one day at a time, I have a lot of Mishpacha coming for Yuntif so I hope it will distract me...

Gmar Tov and thank you once again!

I just fell:(
I M*
I didn't even ahve an urge, it just happened quickly. I was in the bathroom, for what you are in there for longer for, and I did it.
Does anyone have any advice on keeping from falling when using the bathroom?

step one: breath. its ok, we all fall sometimes, just take a step back and relax.

Ya i have the same problem in the bathroom. it sound weird but try to just not look down and keep your underwear up as high as you can. and try not to like space out and stay on ur phone or reading a book. do what u got to do and get out.

and most of all you just have to stay positive. the YH isnt trying to get you to sin, he want to break you.

its never about getting you to sin, its about breaking your will. sinning is inevitable, the YH can just crush us w/e he wants, but one thing that he CANT do is make us give up, only we can do that, and inversely we cant chose not to.

think about it, we all have had those time, not even by M** or porn, where we literaly feel like we didnt have a choice but to sin. could be lashon hara,or other mitzvos bein adom lechavero, or for me i have sometime issues with shabbos. sometimes its just going to happen, the YH has that power, but us having bechira means that one thing he cant touch is our CHOICE to get up and keep fighting. its not a conventional fight where we can be killed, where the bigger, tougher, stronger man wins. sometime we think our fight is to just be stronger and out slug the opponent, and if we failed it just shows we didn't prepare enough, and as result of our past decisions and choices, we r no longer able to stand up to the fight. but the battle is really like the folowing quote: ( excuse me for quoting a goyish movie but its so awsome and fitting)

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life...
But it ain't about how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. . It's How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done..." (Rocky Balboa to his son, Rocky 6)

call it chuchmas hagoyim, but that is our fight. we will get hit by life, harder then we can hit. so hwo do we win? HOW CAN WE POSSIBLY WIN? IF WE CANT HIT HARDER?.....by getting up and walking right back into the punches, resolved to WIN.

it could be im even being hypocritical now. BH im almost clean for a week, and if im honest with my, if i were to fall now or any time soon idk how i would handel it. knowing my past i wont handel it well. but i beilive i can change, that i have changed, that i am not what i was yesterday or last week or the last 22 years of my life. I AM WHAT I AM RIGHT NOW. so hear me achi! you are not chained by your past, you are freed by your present, every second you are a new being with new perspectives on life. forget where you were, forget were u will be, and live in the now. RIGHT NOW you can fight.

(wow, that felt good)

im davening for u bro, as well as everyone else here. KOT

First of all,
Calm down.
You just got here, you didn't make a plan yet.Things happen,especially at the beginning when it's so ingrained in us to fall.The main thing is always to forget about the fall and get up quickly without looking back.

Now onward,You have to find what works for you to help you stop.

You might want to sign up for the 90 day chart, which keeps track of how long you've been clean for.If you do then please bear in mind that for most people this isn't enough to stop long term, and for some counting even becomes counterproductive. guardyoureyes.com/tools/90-day-chart

Another big thing is to see the patterns that lead to a fall and learn from them.They might include being on an unfiltered computer alone, being online too late, being online when you're feeling stressed, among other things.

When you find the patterns then you have to eliminate them.Not getting into a situation that you might fall in is the best strategy.Because once you're in the "falling mode" it's hard to get out of it.So an important thing is to make gedarim and kabalos to help yourself not get into a situation where you'll have a tayvah to fall.

That can take care of porn,but for masturbation you obviously can't make gedarim for not being alone.The thing to realize is that most of us don't only use masturbation to relieve sexual feelings but eventually start using it to make us feel good when we're depressed, stressed, or even bored. It's important to realize what's making us want to act out and then deal with it.

You also might find the taphsic method helpful. guardyoureyes.com/the-gye-program/20-tools/item/tool-10?category_id=278. Don't make it for too long though, especially at the beginning, you might have to tweak it.

I darshened enough, keep us updated.

Welcome and yasher koach for taking up this challenge at your age. I tried to quit a zillion times when I was a teenager. Unfortunately, I didn't have a plan other than to feel guilty and say this time I'm stopping for real.

Masturbation and porn are two sides of the same coin. The porn -- the lust and arousal -- is the root addiction. Masturbation is just the release valve.

When you remove yourself from looking at women, clothed or otherwise, live or in pictures, then you will begin to have an easier time.

Bring Hashem into the battle with you. Ask for His guidance and assistance. If you are feeling like you want to look at porn, or entertain a fantasy or lustful image, ask Hashem to take it from you.

Be persistent and consistent. Slipping a little here and there isn't going to work.
You're either sober or you're not.

If you feel like you just neeeed to slip, wait 15 minutes and go do something else. Hopefully the ruach shtus will have passed. The Sutton's main power over our generation is that he gets us to sin without thinking -- quick, just do it. If you learn to put it off for 15 minutes, you will have a mighty weapon.

Take it one day at a time. Try to stay clean for one day. Fully clean.

Another quick trick: don't allow yourself to be fully undressed unless you're getting right into the shower. Change half your body at a time. Wash in the shower according to halacha (top down, right before left). Get dressed according to halacha. Do it because it's the ratzon Hashem.

Hatzlocha and do keep us posted.

Alex

Welcome TB!

I am not a bochur like you, in fact I'm a couple of times older than you. But I'm in the same boat as you, dealing with this watchamacallit issue. I have many decades of experience in failing and trying again. B"H I'm currently in much better shape than ever, and very hopeful for the future be"H. I want to wish you hatzlacha as well, and the advice I can think of at this moment - which perhaps helped me survive and thrive - is that you need to resolve that no matter what, you're not giving up. Sincerely keep trying your best. Leave the results to Hashem. It's your effort that He seeks. Make gedarim that will keep your distance from falling, and try to stick to them. Eventually Hashem will reward you with the Siyata Dishmaya that you need to move forward and see progress.

Hatzlacha rabbah!

MT

I thank you all for your Chizuk-it is heartwarming.
Unfortunately I keep slipping and I don't want to–as mentioned in an earlier post I want to remain sober.
Does anyone have any advice on what to do when faced with an urge to M*?
Thanks.

I can relay advice from Chesky. What do you do when you're faced with an urge? Daven. Tell Hashem exactly what you're going through, what you feel, what you think, hold nothing back. It genuinely helps. I'm not sure if it's the davening itself that helps or if Hashem gives you extra siyata dishmaya when you daven, but either way give it a try and see.

I found myself in the middle of a fall on Sunday and I knew I was done for, there was nothing I could do for myself. Then I saw my phone on the desk so I called another GYE member for a chat. That also helped enormously and I got through the day OK, and the next day b''H. So maybe try that too.

B"H I have made it clean for one whole day!
I am on my second day and it is almost done–I feel like I might fall so I am going to fight and Be"H win.
I hope I can continue but I know, one day at a time.
Again if anyone has any tip on what to do when faced with an urge to m* please let me know.
Kol Tuv.

>> When I was in 11th grade a few years ago I had the same problem and
>> wasn't even working on it.

When I was in 12th grade I looked at magazines and acted out very much. I was stupid.

To my shame I acted out about twice a week until Oct 1, 2013 -- when I am twice the age I was then.