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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Hayom Yom 10023 Views

Hayom Yom 13 May 2020 03:20 #349632

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Hayom Yom Rishon...
I'm not so great at writing all this out but you have to start somewhere. I've been struggling with watching and masturbating for years. B"H over the past couple of years I've made major improvement by speaking with a close Rebbe, chashuve members of GYE, and seeing a therapist. But I still have never made it to 90 days.
Today I start my journey to 90 and beyond.
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 13 May 2020 03:35 #349634

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Welcome! Hatzlocha for today!
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: Hayom Yom 13 May 2020 17:11 #349657

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Day 2, B"H going well. Keep telling myself that the urges are external, not an internal part of me. What is it in Iampowerless's signature? A Dov quote I believe along the lines of we have no reported deaths because someone didn't give in to that urge. True.
I'm dealing with some anxiety today with my learning. In addition to my Yeshiva morning seder that I am trying to keep up with on Zoom I also started learning Daf Yomi after the Siyum and am trying to keep up with Shnayim Mikra. B"H I think everything is going well except for Shnyaim Mikra. Even with the Daf I can keep up reasonably well with Artscroll and Shiruim. The problem is my whole system for bein Mavir Sedra was upended when the shuls closed. I have been B"H keeping up with Mavir Sedra (more or less on schedule) for a few years and my method was always to read along with the Baal Koreah so I had one down and just had to read through the Parsha once more with Targum. Now basically everything doubled for me. I also don't feel like I am getting anything out of it becuase I don't really understand much of the Parsha without translation and certainly don't understand Targum. There was a time in Yeshiva when I was going through the Parsha, and then would read it in English, and then go through the Rashi with Artscroll. Alas, life obligations do not afford me time for that at this point. I have come to terms with that but I am stressing out about falling behind in Shnyaim Mikra (all these double parshios are NOT helping!) It's like, if I fall behind in the Daf then you're a little behind but you always will take something away from a Daf even if you are "Davening" it. When it's Parshas Emor and you are trying to go through Acharei-Mos and don't even know what you're reading it's hard.
Part of me just wants to give up being Mavir Sedra for now but I don't know if that is me feeding my perfectionism or actually working to ease my anxiety. Also, Shanyim Mikra isn't really optional...
I welcome the choshuve oilam's thoughts.
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 14 May 2020 00:30 #349671

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Would it be easier to do it once during the week, and until shul opens again, go through it the second time on Shabbos?
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

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Re: Hayom Yom 14 May 2020 00:36 #349672

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Shul was usually the first time I was going through it, in theory your suggestion should work but without shul tying me down it just never happens on Shabbos and I fall behind.
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 14 May 2020 03:56 #349685

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Haha I totally relate to you. I'm enjoying daf yomi and just having a hard time doing shnayim mikra. I completely dropped my 2 mishnayos a day (at home all day, working full day, 4 small kids, I feel guilty whenever I'm not helping the Mrs...)

A good rav once told me shnayim mikra should be high priority since it's an elucidated mitzvah. I believe my struggle is that I think I know better and realize it would be a good surrender to make that top priority. Honestly I do daf yomi instead because I enjoy it, and shnayim mikra I just don't. But it could be deeper than that, that really I just don't want to do things that people (or People) tell me to do!
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: Hayom Yom 14 May 2020 04:35 #349693

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I’m going to talk it over with a Rebbe. I basically gave up on it and if that was the wrong decision then, well he won’t be shy to let me know. It still bothers me that I can’t keep up but I need to lower my expectations. The question is maybe I should stop something else and prioritize this. 
Well I’m on to day 3! Today was rougher. Sitting in boring Zoom classes for 4.5 hours straight will do that to you... Baruch Hashem made it through. 
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 14 May 2020 17:57 #349711

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Man, I'd play chess on the side.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
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Re: Hayom Yom 15 May 2020 02:29 #349741

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I read GYE 
Day 4! It’s hard, I get urges and just want to fall to my old ways but I'm hanging in there. I don’t know if this is normal but my brain tries painting the past as very pleasant happy times like “It was much better when you used masturbation as stress relief and you were much happier than you are struggling now...” Obviously that’s not true. 
Baruch Hashem these forums and the very special people I’ve met through them are keeping me going!
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 15 May 2020 03:43 #349743

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Yes we lie to ourselves!!! We gotta be honest about that
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
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Re: Hayom Yom 15 May 2020 03:56 #349752

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BHYY wrote on 15 May 2020 02:29:
I read GYE 
Day 4! It’s hard, I get urges and just want to fall to my old ways but I'm hanging in there. I don’t know if this is normal but my brain tries painting the past as very pleasant happy times like “It was much better when you used masturbation as stress relief and you were much happier than you are struggling now...” Obviously that’s not true. 
Baruch Hashem these forums and the very special people I’ve met through them are keeping me going!

From what I'v found the first week trying to break the loop can be pretty unbearable as the brain is like: "what the hell? wheres my little dose of dopamine"  after that, like DavidT will tell you it becomes easier as the fight becomes a intellectual fight versus a "need"
Your best teacher for success is your last mistake

Re: Hayom Yom 15 May 2020 04:04 #349753

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Meyer M. wrote on 15 May 2020 03:56:


the brain is like: "what the hell? wheres my little dose of dopamine"


Exactly! What a way to put it.
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 15 May 2020 20:35 #349790

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I just spent close to half an hour on the phone with a client. He is what we call a tire kicker - long conversations, analyzes from every angle, has me document everything, but never actually translates to a paying customer. He always drags it out and it never goes anywhere. In the past I would have gotten really frustrated after hanging up and indulged myself in masturbating. Not today. I hung up and said "well, nobody said owning a business is easy!" Mind you that has never happened to me before! Especially now when is business is so slow I'm dying for some paying customers. This menucha is indescribable, I'm actually beginning to scare myself .
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 16 May 2020 20:19 #349803

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Yay! And I totally relate to the irritating clients who take up tons of your time for no purpose
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: Hayom Yom 17 May 2020 01:54 #349805

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Guess who made it to 6 days clean? I did!
Shabbos was definitely difficult without having GYE or others to reach out to but B"H I'm ready to shvitz this one out.
I've always been able to fall asleep pretty quickly and sleep deeply through the night (I need a powerful alarm clock). Now I'm finding it harder to fall asleep and I'm waking up a few times in the middle of the night. Nothing crazy, I'm able to fall back asleep after a little tossing and turning but it's strange, this never really happened to me. Is this part of withdrawal?
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom
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