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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: from zero to 90 11128 Views

Re: from zero to 90 31 Jan 2020 14:08 #347062

drust wrote on 31 Jan 2020 13:11:
I know it would be ridiculous but I think I fall in love with a p*rnstar.
I imagine her face, her body in my mind sometimes. then I search her name in the internet and ... (you know what happens then)
I did everything to forget her but in stressful situations and important moments I remember her.
What is wrong with me...

First of all, nothing is wrong with you. Language is very important. We are not wrong. We sometimes do things that are wrong. That is a very important distinction. 

Also, I would suggest that you change your wording from "I think I fall in love with a p*rnstar" to "I have a crush on a p*rnstar" or "I am infatuated with a p*rnstar." That's not love, dear brother. That's lust.

Hashem has asked us to be a holy people. We are swimming against the current when it comes to these issues and we have a right to acknowledge that it is hard.

I don't think anything is wrong with you, drust.

Re: from zero to 90 02 Feb 2020 03:54 #347082

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drust wrote on 31 Jan 2020 13:11:
I know it would be ridiculous but I think I fall in love with a p*rnstar.
I imagine her face, her body in my mind sometimes. then I search her name in the internet and ... (you know what happens then)
I did everything to forget her but in stressful situations and important moments I remember her.
What is wrong with me...

Nothing wrong with you, other than it sounds like you are thirsty for some warmth. Instead of getting it for real, it appears you are trying to fill a void with a stranger's naked body. Face it, you will never get into a bed with her, and guess what - ask the guys who nebach did get into bed with those women, and they will tell you how absolutely disgusted they felt when it was over. Love and warmth needs a name and a relationship. We invest in it mutually.

In stressful situations, instead of drifting off into fantasy land, reach out to a friend and find ways to release your stress in helpful kosher ways. Hatzlocha buddy. We are here to help.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: from zero to 90 04 Feb 2020 04:38 #347130

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Drust, you are a special person. Hashem loves you!

Remember what you came here to do, and really try and focus on how much better you feel when you succeed in staying clean. 

It may be a battle each time, but really celebrate even small successes. 

Look forward, and not behind you. Keep your chin up and stay positive. 

Also, if you could filter your devices that would save you so much of the hard work. Cut out watching P@$n at all costs, and masturbating will become much easier to conquer. 

Come to GYE for support, and post often.

You have tremendous potential and we are all rooting for you!

Re: from zero to 90 06 Feb 2020 02:03 #347180

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I did have a fall yesterday, but there was a reason for it - I had done a good job guarding my eyes in the past month, but I was fixating too much on staying clean and not committing sins, instead of focusing on the other areas of my life. Sometimes trying too hard to avoid lust takes our focus away on the other things that we SHOULD be doing. I've already donated $50 to GYE as I pledged when I signed up for the 90 day challenge. Looking forward to giving it another go.

Re: from zero to 90 16 Feb 2020 16:27 #347361

  • drust
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I have a crush on a prnstar 
tell me what should I do for God's sake

Re: from zero to 90 16 Feb 2020 18:39 #347363

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drust wrote on 16 Feb 2020 16:27:
I have a crush on a prnstar 
tell me what should I do for God's sake

That’s a very big question, you’ll have to ask Gd on His Toll free number. 
If there’s something you want to do for your sake, it will happen!
My Story---------Dov Quotes




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Re: from zero to 90 16 Feb 2020 19:59 #347368

  • hakolhevel
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After your have internalized what markz said. The next step might be acceptance. I have a crush on a lot of stars, but I accept that that's the case, and most days move on not thinking about it. I can't will myself to stop loving them/porn in general.
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

My other Thread: My Daily Inspiration

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection

Re: from zero to 90 16 Feb 2020 21:14 #347369

  • Mark18
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Markz wrote on 16 Feb 2020 18:39:

drust wrote on 16 Feb 2020 16:27:
I have a crush on a prnstar 
tell me what should I do for God's sake

That’s a very big question, you’ll have to ask Gd on His Toll free number. 
If there’s something you want to do for your sake, it will happen!

Hi our brother Drust - You yave to see her for what she really is in reality. Im serious. Most of her body is as a result of extensive plastic surgery and heavy makeup. She appears as desirous as she does purely due to well placed mirrors and camera angles. She is paid very well for what she does and its all fake and phoney. All the supposed pleasure orgasm etc. you see on the screen is pure acting. She actually gets no pleasure out of the feels degraded and is only doing it for money. All porn stars have to get themselves high usually on cocaine in able to lose their inhibitions sense of self respect and humanity to he able to do all the things they do in front of the other actors producers directors camera and cameraman. Her body is fake the way she respondes sexually is phoney and fake and no married couple in the universe no matter how intense and active the sex they may be having might be experiences the excitement or pleasure you see these actors having on the screen. Truthfully the vast majority of the so called porn stars are deeply unhappy people and have a very high suicide rate. Additionally after appearing in these for a relatively short amount if time these actors are afflicted with disease body illnesses from overuse most porn actors lose their ability to have an erection and are all on viagra just to perform on screen or be able to have sex normally. Most porn actresses lose their ability to respond to any sexual touch or body sensation and quickly lose the ability to have an orgasm at all. In reality you are in love with plastic silicone camera angles mirrors and people who are really not beautiful or attractive if it wasnt for how they are made up to be. Thats what you are really in love with. Less than an attractive beautiful woman but rather an ugly made up diseased plastic silicone fake phoney individual who unfortunately has made herself much less than a human being. My dear brother see this for what it really is.

Re: from zero to 90 16 Feb 2020 21:56 #347370

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Karl doesn’t believe that’s gonna help someone hooked on porn, phoney or not
My Story---------Dov Quotes




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➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

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Re: from zero to 90 16 Feb 2020 22:22 #347371

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Mark18. What you said is true, and may help somce people, and probably its good to remind ourselves of that. 

However as markz said, for many people here it may not do the trick.

Think hotdogs: the dregs of the meat, full of nitrates and sodium, can only taste good when covered in a paste that has loads of sugar and salt (aka ketchup) yet I still love and eat it (albiet not to often)
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

My other Thread: My Daily Inspiration

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection

Re: from zero to 90 17 Feb 2020 21:17 #347388

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Markz wrote on 16 Feb 2020 21:56:
Karl doesn’t believe that’s gonna help someone hooked on porn, phoney or not

Your right, but for me it did make a small change after reading and listening to ex porn starts. Most of them start at a very young age, just reached 18, and almost all of them regret after getting sick. 
Once read on a women that was forced to perform without protection. They get sucked into it and a few month later a new star comes up and your finished, what's makes them to do crazy things to stay in the line. Watching porn is = to watching rape.
 *  NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!
 *  I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.
 *  Being curios made me lust and get into trouble.

אָמַר רבי יוחנן: אֵבֶר קָטָן יֵשׁ לוֹ לָאָדָם, מַרְעִיבוֹ = שָׂבֵעַ, מַשְׂבִּיעוֹ = רָעֵב

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Re: from zero to 90 20 Feb 2020 16:05 #347455

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Every time I read the posts that have been written related to this topic I tell myself: "look boy! they are talking to you.... these people want to save you from the hell.. these people want to release your soul from sin... and you.... you are wasting your whole time in a day..."
But after a while I forget these thoughts.... I imagine some prnstars in my head and my hand goes to twitter involuntarily and search some prnstars names and search and search and start my fall...
one week ago I deleted twitter app from my phone. but today I checked my twitter in my laptop and my bad thoughts attacked me again. I couldn't fight them and I lost again.
​I can't delete my twitter account because I want to practice writing, want to finding good friends, want to communicate with the people around the world ....
so....
can someone tell me how can I run away from the thoughts which are ruining my whole life?
Thank you All....

Re: from zero to 90 20 Feb 2020 21:44 #347466

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If for a while you have to give up Twitter to save your life, do it buddy.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: from zero to 90 21 Feb 2020 00:29 #347470

Hashem Help Me wrote on 20 Feb 2020 21:44:
If for a while you have to give up Twitter to save your life, do it buddy.

Amen.

I would say if you have to give up Twitter indefintely to save your life, do it buddy. Get filters for your devices. Denying myself access to masturbatory materials was a game-changer for me.
Last Edit: 21 Feb 2020 00:29 by שבע יפול צדיק וקם.

Re: from zero to 90 21 Feb 2020 01:49 #347473

  • hakolhevel
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Recently I was listening to a podcast on recovery. The presenter asked pointed out, he asks people, on a scale of one to ten, how desperate are you to come clean, he says, he only takes clients who say 11 or higher. His point was, if you really want to be clean, you will do whatever it takes, the question is how much do you want it.

P.s webcvaver recently came out with screen accountability, that means, no matter what app you are in, of you view something inappropriate, your chaver will know.
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

My other Thread: My Daily Inspiration

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection
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