I’m not sure if I’m ready to post my full story here or in another post. But, I have a long history with this battle. Started with porn since I’m 13 and I’m now 37. At one point I was very involved in SA and had over a year of sobriety. But, I stopped finding it helpful. I eventually got back in to porn and the past two years got in to worst things. It’s Elul and I’m ready to start working on it again and take the 90 day challenge one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I’ve been clean since Friday. 

I admire your resolve. Elul is a great time to start! I'm looking forward to hearing about your success!

It's also important to put yourself in the right mindset before you are challenged. Why don't you try reading a couple of pages a day from this ebook: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation? It strikes a great balance between helping the reader not feel down and helping him get moving in the right direction. It's encouraging, practical, and guilt-trip free too!

Also, it's healthy and helpful to focus on growing in other areas too. Why don't you try listening to some lectures from Rabbi Ben Zion Shafier? He has uplifting speeches on a variety of topics that bring meaning to Yiddishkeit. See his website www.TheShmuz.com. (And they're free  .) Changed my life and many others' too. (And he also has a great series about tayva called The Fight. Check that out too.)

We're rooting for you and wishing you great success!

Wow a blast from the past! Welcome back!

Thanks Gevra. It’s nice to be back. 

So technically it’s day 3, but the other 2 days were Friday and Shabbos... which are days that I don’t usually act out anyway. Today started the real challenge. Earlier today I was feeling down and frustrated about something and my natural reaction is to want turn to lust to feel better. I needed to remind myself p and m only provides temporary relief if that and the thing that was bothering will still be there afterwards. I meditated tonight and felt  good afterwards. I really should make that a part of my regular practice.

Hey Emes,

Nice to have you back
What happened with your good ol’ Therapist?

Markz wrote on 02 Sep 2019 14:49:

Wow! I didn’t realize people still remembered me from back then . I stopped therapy 4 years ago because I was a in a good place ( over a year “sober”) and felt I was ready to move on. Then a lot of things happened in my life and my old habits creeped in slowly. I’ve actually just just restarted therapy. 

Day 4- made it more then half way past a week. I’m feeling inspired today. I’ve been in this game long enough to know inspiration comes and goes. But, it’s been a while I’ve felt this way and I want to take advantage while it’s here. I know I need to takes steps that will have long lasting impact. The first thing I just did was delete a number that needed to be deleted. The next step I need to take is set-up an appointment with TAG to install a strong filter for my phone. 

5 days. I’m exhausted and have been going to bed too late. I’ve learnt in the past getting enough sleep is important for my recovery. So I’m going to bed on time tonight. I also feel it is important to keep up with these check ins, even if it’s short.

Cheers for your new resolution !
Keep the good work, and remember : one moment at a time, and to stay vigilant but not afraid

I’ve made it to a week! B”H whatever ever reason I did not find it challenging. Of course I had momentary thoughts and I’ve taken second looks, but I did not have strong urges or triggers. I have to take this gift from Hashem and keep on going day to day.
I did try contacting my local TAG division to set up filters. Either there is something wrong with their scheduling system or there’s not a single appointment available for the next 3 months. I’m going  to look it that more or find an alternative. I know it is absolutely critical I have strong filters on my devices and I’m not going to give up. 

OPEN LETTER TO TAG:

Dear Tag. I’ve been trying to catch you recently. It seems you’re really it. Please don’t do “time out.” now, be fair

10 days, double digits! B”H still going. I had moments of frustration today, where things didn’t go the way I would like and for a split second as if it’s a reflex I had thoughts maybe p and m will help. But B”H they were very momentary thoughts. 

10 days is great!
keep it up and keep us posted.
we are rooting for you.