Fell again. Have to find a way to control my electronics acticity. I will try to do more exercise, and listen to the daily Chizuk before doing other things alone. 

Day 0: Its interesting to see how I've been doing worse ever since joining the forum. I am unsure why.

ManWhoStumbles wrote on 16 Jul 2018 02:31:

Can I offer my 2c?

ManWhoStumbles wrote on 16 Jul 2018 02:31:

Could be the yetzer horaah sees a big threat to his agenda and he's pushing back ...
Dont get discouraged  - Daven , reach out to fellow gyers , etc iy'H it CAN be done

Hatzlacha all the best 

ManWhoStumbles wrote on 16 Jul 2018 02:28:

I would start by writing down why you want to quit in the first place. We know why are you acting out, same as everybody else, because it feels good. So why do you want to stop, you need to have a good reason.

And you need to have a plan for what to do when you have an urge to act out. What's your plan?

mzl wrote on 16 Jul 2018 05:28:

I second that. I think its imperative to spend some time with yourself to figure out 1) Why you want to stop (an emotional why not simply a logical one since from personal experience it just doesn't do the trick) 2) What can you do to stop? What are the pitfalls that you keep on falling into? Can you close those up? Whether or not you will take the appropriate steps boils down to your "why" and how strong it is. Its important to keep in mind that whenever you plan things out that you recognize that at the time of planning you feel like you will never fall again and therefore fail to be realistic/honest. This is totally normal but a person needs to remember to plan for when they are in a different frame of mind, ie. lusting. I'm just writing in general although it could be this doesn't apply to you so if it doesn't don't be offended. Another possibility is that its time to get in touch with people either by calling or by participating in a meeting. 

Hashem should give you the clarity necessary and the strength/courage to do the right thing. We're rooting for you!

ManWhoStumbles wrote on 16 Jul 2018 02:28:

If the internet is an irresistible temptation, then you really have to get rid of it! This might not be easy for 2 reasons. 1) The yetzer knows if the internet goes, you will be free from his clutches. He will fight it. 2) As long as it's still accessible, there is the feeling that if I want it, I can always go back to it. Once you give it up for good, it's scary to be in the big world without a pacifier!
As others have mentioned here, this is where your resolve comes into play. How strong is your desire to be clean? How far will you go in order to get yourself clean? I don't mean to cast aspersions on your drive for freedom, but sometimes we have to take a hard look and see things that we might not want to see.
All the best to you!

Day 4 (B'H): I just have to aim to constantly be working or learning, and then G-d will help me solve my problems. The last time I fell, I woke up late and didn't go to Minyan so I realized then that is what I have to do.  

BH, keep going! Don't forget that you have gye and all these amazing people here if you feel you need it. Keeping busy is definitely important for keeping the yetzer hara at bay

Day 1:
Fell yesterday so I sat down and finished reading the handbook. I think the 12 steps sounds like a good idea for me. I wrote them down, and now trying to use them for all actions were are unproductive

Was your fall internet related? 

All my falls are internet related. I'm at day 4. Pretty horrible day in terms of played lots of games got distracted with youtube. However, I didn't fall in terms of the brit or watching inappropriate things. I doubt I'll make it tommorow, but I think i can make it today.

I am concerned that your brain has figured out that it's okay to use p*** every few days as long a) you come to gye and confess afterwards, b) you feel guilty about it c) you resolve to try harder next time and d) you invent some new ( rigorously ineffective) way to address your addiction.

And I think a lot of people asked you questions and I haven't seen a lot of answers from you.

I like you even if you use p***, I'm just saying ...

In my own struggle, I was never able to win until I got rid of the internet. I had filters that I was able to bypass. I got a better filter that I can't get around. I set up a whitelist, only allowing absolutely essential sites (banks, credit cards, email etc.). Until I removed everything else from the whitelist, I could not win. I would stay up late playing online games, and reading (clean) stuff. I would then wake up late the next day, feel miserable about myself, and fall back on old habits (masturbation). Sometimes I would stop myself at the last moment, but even if I did, the cycle continued, and I knew it was a matter of time, until I was worn down enough to give in. It wasn't until my internet access was totally blocked off, that I am now able to say that I may yet win this in the long run. 

You have the keys to your salvation in your hand. You know what you need to do to stay clean. The only question is, how far are you willing to go to win? How much are you willing to sacrifice to keep yourself holy and pure? I don't mean to talk down to you. These are questions that I had to ask myself while in a situation that seems similar to yours. I gave up my internet. It was not an easy decision to come by, and it still is not n easy decision to live with, but it was the right thing for me. Block your internet! You CAN do this! It may test your meddle like nothing else, but it seems to be the key to your victory. This seems to be a key to your freedom. Use it now while you have the support of the people from GYE. Please don't let this slip through your hands.

It took me around 9 years from when I was given an internet capable laptop until I blocked it. 9 years of my life that were sucked up by that machine. Please don't let it take so long for you to come to that decision. 

Send me a PM or email to yerushalmi708@gmail and I will give you all of the "gory" details if you want to hear them.

mzl wrote on 23 Jul 2018 23:27:

I can definitely relate to that attitude for myself. Then the question I ask myself is "do I really want to stop? For good?" If I really want to stop and get this out of my life, falling tomorrow is not an option. Of course we need to take it "one day at a time".