I was thinking about it some more and It is really amazing how quickly you jumped back into day 1. I am rooting for your continued the journey!

I just want to clarify that I reset my count because I asked my wife to live with me, not because of mz"l

Dov wrote on 04 Oct 2018 02:51:

I hear you but I don't think it's worth all the fuss. My wife and I have a very good relationship even though the s*x is a disaster.

It is very impressive that you have set yourself a goal of leaving your wife alone and not potentially "using" her. You write you have circumstances that demand that, and it is inspiring to see someone setting a personal goal. However for the sake of everyone else here, maybe stick to GYE rules of when to reset a count. Seeing someone persevere and get into the 100 days range is a tremendous chizuk for others and especially watching someone such as yourself who posts very often. Maybe have GYE reset you to the "GYE number of days" and for yourself keep a number of "higher standard" days. For in reality, for most people, requesting to have sex their wife from time to time is normal and kosher. Have continued hatzlocha and please accept my apologies if i overstepped my limits....

Hashem Help Me wrote on 04 Oct 2018 11:16:

Bmkt"h, I disagree slightly. Regardin' the count settin', I don't care much one way or the other. Those who are followin' mzl's thread will be encouraged by his progress regardless of the count. I am inspired by the goal of not askin'. Here might be a nekudah which separates those of us addicted folks and those who aren't. Far be it from me to speculate whether most people ask their wives for sex or don't, but for myself and for others that I have heard from as well, our wives feel abused, threatened and used. Askin' or beggin' or pleadin' for sex is a sure-fire sign that we are headin' in the wrong direction. Doesn't mean that our bodies don't give us away, but it is a clear, specific and an accountable occurrence that is crucial for us guys to avoid. So, I commend mzl for bringin' this important discussion to the forefront. I personally do not count it as a fall, but kol hakavod for him.

Godspeed!

cordnoy wrote on 04 Oct 2018 12:21:

I am in full agreement with all that you wrote. And to add, non addicts also have to recognize that under normal situations, sex is about giving, not taking, and therefore it should not be a common occurence to be asking for it. Those who have read my thread "My Story and G-d bless GYE" have seen me write about that and my own struggle and bh level of success with that inyan. Yes, it is most commendable that MZL has set this goal, and it is great that it is being brought out in the open. My only point was that for the sake of newcomers and those who struggle mightily, it is always a great source of chizuk to see hatzlocha with the basics - pornography and masturbation and now that the counter was reset, some "(who dont read so carefully) may be demoralized, and others who join may not realize that there is a major success story developing here. Hatzlocha to all.

Thank you for all your comments.

Just to be clear, I hold that wives should be reasonable and giving, and I'm not out to break any records. The change made is only because of special circumstances. It's a dumb thing to do unless you must do it to protect somebody else.

My logic is that my wife and I both know that she will miscarry if I act out. Therefore she's forced to eventually say "yes." Not that different from the women in p***, who can really never say no when you are sitting there watching them in a movie. Knowing that she is effectively my robot creates a desire. I think I'm doing the only logical thing to do.

Things will get easier, this is a temporary arrangement.

Day 2

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I was thinking about this concept I learned years ago, it's called basar temusos (the flesh of the dying?) - animals that are sick and are shechted in a hurry - as a metaphor for something which can't be prohibited but which is bad news. For some reason it really resonated with me. I think I heard it used to describe a relationship with an isha yifas tohar and the resulting child. It's basar temusos.

For a long time I felt that's what my marriage was - basar temusos - because I got married to use my wife.

Later on I recognized my bipolar disorder and my addiction and I changed the rules the determine my worth, and since then it's been mostly fun, though my ruchnios suffered.

I have to say though that when I first saw my wife I had this impression of someone who was looking for a husband who would be a mommy and a tatty to her, and I was right on target. When I play that role for her she kind of melts, it's fun to watch.

I still think the expression basar temusos is brilliant for some reason ...

I think this new definition of cleanliness is sort of working because I was about to send me my wife a text to basically pressure her, and then I thought about my count here on the forum.

I think the reality is that she will basically never be in the mood as long as she's expecting.

Also, my desire and longing is hugely magnified in my brain, she cannot know how large it appears to me, and she is totally wrapped up in her nausea.

The thing that bothers me the most is that I thought this was going to be a productive year, instead some of my recent advances will probably go out the window.

Had a horrible fight. She needs someone who's willing to j*** off.

Hashem is really turning the screws this year. We were pretty happy before ...

MMmmmmmm, now we have to jump in, its fighting time, how can we mix in and be part of it? How did it started? What is it all about? And how can we help?
it looks series now...pls make sure the neighbors are home, and you ha e empty bottles to trow on each others.......
have a good and easy one.

I feel your pain!! I hope everything goes well....

Wow this sounds like a tough spot to be in - way to complex for a simple guy like me to give advice on it - all I could do is Daven for you , Maybe reach out to Dov and the other Mumchim  you never know.....
Good luck