Mzl, as usual, you sidestep the issue. The Kotzker zy"a is quoted as saying "A yid accepts Hashem on 7 rekiyos and all 4 winds of the earth, with fervor and sincerity...just not on himself." And it seems to me that you have been doing the same. 

Instead, you quipped about 'forces of evil', have quoted a (mistranslated, according to some rishonim) verse to support a mistaken idea, and have insulted others instead of dealing here with issues people suggest you may have in your life. It seems to me you are skilled at hiding behind intelligent sounding analysis, finger-pointing, and lots of victimhood. My impression may be mistaken, but it sure seems those themes repeat themselves in your posts, chaver. Self-blidness is nothing unique. You probably have the very same things you are seeing and reporting in others, here.

You are old enough and smart enough to quit all those techniques and start to do better for yourself and your wife. We have all been there, you're not unique in this respect.

And now about the forum being better/as good as it can be in the Jewish world (as you put it):

There are hundreds of frum Jews who I know personally, who started on this forum and moved on to serious recovery and many of them are clean for many years already, and helping others in their communties on a face-to-face basis. Your apparent cynicism aside, the forum as you see it is the tip of the iceberg -- the majority reach out and get real help. All the forum is, is a place that people can cone to confront the fact that help is out there. Out there...not here. Posting behind fake names is a nice and often necessary beginning. That's all. I don't know, but it appears you're just using it for arm-chair cynicism. In the meantime, hundreds have moved on to bigger and better things. And so can you if you stop taking things so personally and quit side-stepping the good observations others are making. People here are trying to help you. 

So please consider going easy on the forum. It isn't much, but it needn't be disparaged. It's a precious and effective stepping stone for many you apparently see as 'presumptuous', etc.

Practically every word people have posted to you here so far can be viewed with a positive eye, if you choose to do so. Go for it, man. No one here will disparage you for actually engaging in normal, open conversation admitting your faults And discussing ways to get out of them. We all have many faults so you are not alone...unless you make yourself so, by getting petty. You don't need to keep going there. You can start opening up and as long as you don't bite too much no one else will bike back

Dov wrote on 05 Aug 2018 12:41:

No further comments.

I do have one extremely sincere word I can say though: I am only choosing to dispel my desire each day because of my chevra here. So though I'm an outcast you are definitely helping.

You should also get some credit with Hashem because you're aaving my seed, and He apparently abominates sexual thoughts ...

mzl, As far as I can tell, no one considers you an outcast. For if that is the case, we would all be outcasts.
I'm extremely happy to hear that you are staying clean, and that you are attributing your success to the Chevra here.

I've no idea why you call yourself an outcast. I suggest it's victimhood, self-pitying, and gets you nowhere. Consider quitting the 'poor me' stuff. Hashem has a good and meaningful life for you. And I'm pretty sure you'd get much closer to it by letting go of your victimhood than you will by only stopping your masturbation. Sex with ourselves may be very damaging, indeed, but self-pitying, choosing to play the victim, and finger-pointing are habits that cut us off from Hashem even more. And they are listed as things that actually prevent progress and change, in the long run. You can do better for yourself, I am sure.

Hatzlocha, chaver

Dov wrote on 05 Aug 2018 14:26:

I don't feel sorry for myself. I know why things are the way they are and I think they have to be this way.

Yes, we know you dont believe you are engaging in self-pitying, or any of the other things I mentioned...you already blamed the crowd for rejecting you and also explained that the forces of evil work hard at work. Understood.

Now to the only worthwhile matter at hand:

Why do things need to be the way they are, as you say.

Dov wrote on 05 Aug 2018 16:01:

With regard to what specifically?

mzl wrote on 05 Aug 2018 16:43:

Why are you playing around? 
just above you quoted me and responded as follows:

Dov wrote on 05 Aug 2018 14:26:I've no idea why you call yourself an outcast. I suggest it's victimhood, self-pitying, and gets you nowhere. Consider quitting the 'poor me' stuff. Hashem has a good and meaningful life for you. And I'm pretty sure you'd get much closer to it by letting go of your victimhood than you will by only stopping your masturbation. Sex with ourselves may be very damaging, indeed, but self-pitying, choosing to play the victim, and finger-pointing are habits that cut us off from Hashem even more. And they are listed as things that actually preventprogress and change, in the long run. You can do better for yourself, I am sure.

Hatzlocha, chaver

And you responded:I don't feel sorry for myself. I know why things are the way they are and I think they have to be this way.

Dov wrote on 05 Aug 2018 18:41:

Okay. In that post I was thinking about my wife not making kugel. She is a perfectionist. She makes her self esteem conditional on achieving perfection in her actions, whatever that means to her. For example she thinks "there's no point in cleaning the house, the kids will just mess it up again." She's a good cook, but again it has to be done a certain way. Since everything she does has to ve perfect and her self esteem is on the line she has little motivation to do anything.

I don't want to bore you any further but basically this philosophy is not going to change any time soon. Therefore until something very big changes (which would require an enormous outside input) she should continue to behave the way she does. Meaning if I were in her shoes I would have no choice but to behave identically.

That's an example of what I meant above.

mzl wrote on 05 Aug 2018 10:43:

But there's a way to ask for it, no?
Please re-read that comment of yours on Shlomo24's thread. It was an "ouch" sentence

Ok I raise my hands in defeat
Whateva

You sound like one a kid that lacks connection with friends / wife, so they seek all and any attention, whether negative or positive

If myself or growup or Cordnoy or Dov (ma'alin bekodesh) point something out, you just sweetly keep on posting as though nothing happened, and oh, by the way you gotta add something sweet like "cord' is in a bad place" as you say

The are many Sex Addicts here that are in SAA
You should start a new thread for all those that are in NAA


Im not saying this to be derisive to you, although it may sound harsh. I'm a soft guy, however you need some softening too.
Its good sometimes just to look in the mirror and see the reality for what it is, oh and don't forget to smile!!

Day 59

mzl wrote on 05 Aug 2018 10:51:

And witty ! ( or is it punny ???)

I just got an error, it couldn't connect to mysql. Hope everything is in order.

What tools does the.guard use? His user's clean for 144 days. I think it's kind of neat that he's tracking his days like everybody else ...